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these are end times!

- The first thing I heard upon reentering the States was that, no, not that the recession was over or not that Bob Woodward just wrote some new tell-all about President Obama's homeland security philosophy, but that JENNIFER ANISTON WAS BACK IN THE ARMS OF JOHN MAYER. I grabbed Al's arm at the JFK newsstand. it was like Maria when talking to Anita in West Side Story after Tony kills Bernardo. MAKE IT NOT BE TRUE! MAKE IT NOT BE TRUE!

- Los Angeles is experiencing record-breaking heat. not just for September, but FOREVER.

- Pittsburgh is hosting its first-ever fashion week. like, I don't even know what to say about this. how is this possible? is Donatella going to be there? should I go and bring my Coach bag and my dog Toto? I'M SO CONFUSED I NEED VODKA.

- Members of the U.S. Air Force are reporting an increase in UFO activity- an increase, really?- around nuclear weapons facilities. Mulder! Scully!
When Obama was briefed about aliens-
OFFICIAL: President, you need to realize we are not alone.
OBAMA: WUT.
OFFICIAL: NOT ALONE.
OBAMA: WUT.

personally, I believe in aliens. We have the Kardashians, after all.

in conclusion:
2012!
2012!
2012!

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