these are end times!

- The first thing I heard upon reentering the States was that, no, not that the recession was over or not that Bob Woodward just wrote some new tell-all about President Obama's homeland security philosophy, but that JENNIFER ANISTON WAS BACK IN THE ARMS OF JOHN MAYER. I grabbed Al's arm at the JFK newsstand. it was like Maria when talking to Anita in West Side Story after Tony kills Bernardo. MAKE IT NOT BE TRUE! MAKE IT NOT BE TRUE!

- Los Angeles is experiencing record-breaking heat. not just for September, but FOREVER.

- Pittsburgh is hosting its first-ever fashion week. like, I don't even know what to say about this. how is this possible? is Donatella going to be there? should I go and bring my Coach bag and my dog Toto? I'M SO CONFUSED I NEED VODKA.

- Members of the U.S. Air Force are reporting an increase in UFO activity- an increase, really?- around nuclear weapons facilities. Mulder! Scully!
When Obama was briefed about aliens-
OFFICIAL: President, you need to realize we are not alone.
OBAMA: WUT.
OFFICIAL: NOT ALONE.
OBAMA: WUT.
personally, I believe in aliens. We have the Kardashians, after all.

in conclusion:
2012!
2012!
2012!

Comments

Give JR a Break

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No Time to Fuck: The Goldfrapp Essay

Konnichiwa! This is Irina Cummings and I'm here to discuss one of the most brilliant, innovative, and creative artists in the entire history of mankind: Goldfrapp – or as I like to call them , GODfrapp – the fantastique, highly inspirational, and sometimes criminally overlooked electronic music duo from London consisting of Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory, whose godly music has certainly influenced the vast majority of today's synthpop ladies, including Lady Gaga, Little Boots, La Roux, Annie and Florence + the Machine (not electro but still worth your while). They're primarily known for their mind-blowing music (which have spanned pretty much every style of electronic music – and some non-electronic as well), their abstract, sexually ambiguous – at times forthright – lyrics which are often not gender- specific , and their elaborate shows, not to mention the amazing visual aesthetics of their work, conjuring images that masterly complement ...

Spotlight/Shoutout: OG Mudbone (One Year of S/S)

!!!ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! Can you believe it's been a year already since Spotlight/Shoutout started off on the third Thursday of August? The first ever s/s went to Kyle MacLachlan, and then the spotlight was stolen by OG Mudbone...........the funniest man on earth according to some Youtube videos. For those of you who do not know, OG is an FOC "Freak of Co*k" adult film actor. And yes, I censored the C word, just in case the word cock offends anyone. OG Mudbone takes the 1 year prize because he's enormous (and he shoots and scores), and it doesn't matter if his adult entertainment masterworks are real or fake. His foul mouth is more exciting than many. Seriously, get some google images. height="385"> In other news, Spotlight/Shoutout has had some great ups this year. I hope there are many more to come, and indeed there will be. QATFYG: If anyone has seen his films, can you still drink soymilk? I can't! Happy 1 year!! s/s

The Useless Critic 2.0

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