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a very bad book review

I think All He Ever Wanted was not my first encounter with Miss Shreve. I think, back in the day (as in two months ago) I picked up another book by her and was bored to the point of near-tears. I was like why the cock am I reading this shit? I have never read anything by Hunter S. Thompson. I've only read paragraphs by Edith Wharton and I've realized I don't like her. I don't like most writers from the 1800s. I can't stand that period literature omg. give me Austen over that anyday. like, Henry James? OH MY GOD RIP MY EYEBALLS OUT THAN READ THAT SHIT.

All He Ever Wanted was written a few years ago but it's set in the late 1800s/early 1900s. not really though. the dude is on a train going to his sister's funeral reflecting on his fucked up marriage with some bitch named Erma or Etna or Edna or Sue or Shaniqua or something like that. she might not even had a name. it might have just been "Vagina With Legs." They met in this hotel fire when he saved her and her aunt. he should have done himself a world of good and left the bitch to burn. I think in a fire, you know what I would do? I don't know. I've only seen one fire close up and that was when Jon, Jason and I burnt some baby doll in a park a few years ago on a stack of newspapers. I really have no explanation as to why that happened, but I'm like half asleep anyway. I need to tell you how much I wanted to use this book to wipe my hindquarters.

Anita Shreve can write, that's agreed. She's talented and verbose and has an incredible reputation. nonetheless, this shit was so boring. like I honestly thought switching mortgage numbers was more fun after the second chapter. why did I pick this up from the library? was it because of the title? and in retrospect, isn't that title just like a horrible Lifetime movie title? like, ALL HE EVER WANTED: THE TRUE STORY OF SHOE BOMBER RICHARD REED, starring SALLY FIELD.

maybe it was because the protagonist is really a piece of shit that I hated this novel so much. I only read the first half and then the last 20 pages because I just wanted to see if he would die. and he didn't die. he just finished the damn letter he was writing! Etna bitch dies, but not until she's older and living in London with some other man who's Jewish (right) and she gets like the Spanish Flu, so surprising. right, right.

there's also this creepy rape scene, and not that any rape scene isn't creepy, but this one just made me want to throw up all over my computer. it's just- I haven't read a lot of rape scenes, but he was stuffing his hands in her mouth and UGH UGH UGH and was like "I pressed her head to mah bellay" (in Victorian pseudo-prose, of course). and then she runs away. but she's not even especially likable or sympathetic either. apparently she goes still a lot. you know who go still a lot? DEER. do you know what happens to deer? THEY GET HIT BY MINIVANS IN THE COUNTRY.

do yourself a favor:
- do not read All He Ever Wanted
- go see Harry Potter and get some gobstoppers instead.

RATING: FAIL I WANT TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE BACK ANITA SHREVE

Comments

  1. So,

    this type of book is not my style at all.

    but i might check it out when i am back in the states.

    as for rape scenes, i think if they are part of the story they can be written well, if they are just funky and some writer trying to show off how weird he is...not so much.

    PS: please click my name (Algerie Nader)

    ReplyDelete
  2. maybe! I guess it's worth a shot. I think she was trying to depict how much of a monster he was but she really just ended up overdoing it.

    do you mean you want posting access from this account?

    ReplyDelete

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