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HOW I IMAGINE: the Kennedys


While I rot in Detroit for another day, I decided to finally write something I've been putting off for ages. you know how the History Channel had to pull the Kennedys' series because the family had an actual qualm about it? despite the fact the series had some really good actors in it (Katie Holmes is give or take here) and they put a lot of money into production?

WELL we may never know what the History Channel had in mind for America's version of the royal family, but I'd like to think I could imagine a few worthy scenes from the series.

also, I did know research. what I wrote about is what I know about. ENJOY

SCENE 1

JFK: ASK NOT WHAT YOUR CUNT-TRY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR .... CUNTRY.

JACKIE: (privately, to herself) He really seemed to drag out the 'cunt' in that, didn't he? hmm.

JFK (later, while they are still outside, arm-in-arm): I didn't say the first syllable too long, did I, Jackie dear?

JACKIE (stares at him and then blinks): Oh god no.

JFK: Good good good. I feel like I'll be doing this some time again in the future.

JACKIE: Sure! (KATIE HOLMES SMILE)

JFK: I think I might be the next FDR! Or Grover Cleveland! Wasn't he president forever?

JACKIE: Sure!

It is to be said, that during this scene, Katie Holmes/Jackie would be wearing vintage Chanel. powder blue. we'd really have to emphasize the fashion of the Mrs. Kennedy. We want an Emmy for our efforts, after all.

CAROLINE: Mommy, Daddy, I want to go home. I don't like people.

JACKIE: Caroline please do shut up. You stay in public for as long as it takes Neil Diamond to write that creepy song about you and then you can disappear.

SCENE TWO:

Kennedy family compound in New England
think like Ireland, but richer and preppier.

RANDOM MALE RELATIVE 1, DRINKING: So which one of us is going to die next?

RANDOM MALE RELATIVE 2, ALSO DRINKING: Do you want to bet on this again?

RANDOM MALE RELATIVE 1: Christmas comes early! You know! What do you say?

RELATIVE 2: You Jew! *hearty laugh*

SFX: bang on door

FEMALE RELATIVE

seriously I don't know the names of these people THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM

FEMALE RELATIVE: I'm going to go get that! Heeeheheeehehehehe!

She runs to the door, think of the female characters in John Cheever stories or bitches on Mad Men. Door opens, reveals wide-eyed Barbara Hershey.

BARBARA HERSHEY: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SWEET GIRL

MALE RELATIVE 2: Who's the boner-killing bitch?

(She's gone!)


SCENE 3

JFK: I think I want to put a man on the moon. I mean, my god, the moon.

ADVISOR: What about the moon, sir?

JFK: Well, you see. (he leans in close with a most serious expression on his face)

It's big and made of cheese.

ADVISOR: And it controls women's menstrual cycles?

JFK: That's right! Powerful stuff, really! And after the bay of pigs....

flash to literally a bay of pigs

PIGS: oinkoinkoinkoink....

JFK (slams fist): God that's what we'll do! And then the Ruskies won't know what to do!

ADVISOR: THEY WILL OBVIOUSLY WANT TO BLOW THE MOON UP THEY'RE RUSSIANS.


to be continued


p.s. DISCLAIMER
I am making this all up it's stupid on purpose etc

Comments

  1. I'd pay money to see the literal bay of pigs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OINKOINKOINK

    http://imgsrv.wbbm780.com/image/DbGraphic/200911/1403155.jpg?1257165724

    ReplyDelete
  3. HIS SNOUT IS SHAPED LIKE AN UPSIDE HEART OH MY GOD I WANT BACON

    ReplyDelete

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