Skip to main content

The Most Disappointing Film Awards

Consider this the contraire to award season......
I send out these awards to films that have let me down. I am not saying they are the worst ever made. I am just stating that I was rather intrigued or excited to watch them, and by the end, I was quite the opposite.

Warning: This post contains disappointing jokes written by yours truly. The intent is to make the directors of these films feel good by comparison.

Most Disappointing Comedy
Find Me Guilty 2006
This was a film that came from the extremely accomplished director Sidney Lumet. It was praised as the “funniest courtroom comedy since ‘My Cousin Vinnie." Sadly, this film is not funny. I did not find it interesting, and it seemed to me that the characters had no charisma whatsoever.
Find me Guilty? More like Find me a Refund!

Most Disappointing Action-Flick
The Musketeer 2001
The Musketeer has unrealistic fight sequences and over-the-top rather outlandish fencing choreography. This is all topped off with horrible cringe-worthy dialogue and possibly the worst attempts at having a love interest on screen. It is shameful to Dumas.
The Musketeer? More like The Mistake-a-teer!

Most Disappointing Romance-Flick
Cocktail 1988
Here you have Tom Cruise in the days of way back when. There are some decent ideas in the movie, but the fake and sappy wordplay just makes you want to smack your forehead with a rock. From the script to the screen, the quality is poor. If this is a cocktail it is one sour appletini.
Cocktail? More like Cock-Fail!

Most Disappointing Drama
Northern Lights 1997
In this little dramatic blunder you find Diane Keaton bonding with a little boy. Also, there is a man that looks like a rat in it. That is it. It is so boring, and half way through, I couldn’t believe I had to sit through another hour of it. It is a slow-moving picture that is just plain stiff.
Northern Lights? More like Northern Bites!

Other notes:
I have never seen Gigli.
Yes, I chose to leave horror out.
I hate Heather Graham.
The most disappointing sex scene was in “Kingdom of Heaven.”

QATFYG: What is the most disappointing film you have ever seen?
Moreover, did anyone catch a double meaning in cocktail/cock-fail?
That is purely unintentional.

Comments

  1. i came up with that on my own too.
    All those credit hours from the Edinboro English Language Department are finally paying off.

    ReplyDelete
  2. like Apollo Anton OH-NO

    see, see. this is a fun game.

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha
    do you remember that post I wrote,

    Ohio, more like Oh hi F No

    ReplyDelete
  4. good god, that sex scene in kingdom of heaven WAS disappointing! I don't think you could be more right about that. I am starting to get angry, just thinking about it. Didn't Ridley Scott know who he was dealing with? DIDN'T HE SEE THE DREAMERS? EVA GREEN WAS BORN TO GET NAKED ON SCREEN.

    How can you not like Heather Graham? Boogie Nights?

    WILL YOU BE MY MOM? YOU'RE MY MOM! OH MY GOD, YOU'RE MY MOM!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Heather Graham is IMMACULATE. nice choice Cara. Al! why you be hating!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, it is kind of how I hate John Cusack........Is there really a good reason?

    I will give you that, Boogie Nights.....roller skates? YES

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 New Lana Songs Come Out From Upcoming Album "Blue Banisters"

Not even that far off from "Chemtrails Over The Country Club" being released this past March, Lana Del Rey dropped three new singles off her upcoming project, "Blue Banisters." They include the title track, "Text Book," and "Wildflower Wildfire." All three songs seem to merge the worlds of "COCC" with "Norman Fucking Rockwell," specifically Lana's mouthful of a track "Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me To Have But I Have It." They also seem uncharacteristically more confessional than most of Lana's catalog to date, specifically "Wildflower Wildfire," which alludes to a conflict with her mother. She even starts the track with "Here's the deal," readying to show more of her backstory than she ever has in her decade-plus-long career. The three songs are gorgeous - especially "Text Book," which has a haunting quality to it (she mentions "Black Lives Matter" i

Tusse releases French Language Version of "Voices"

In case you missed Eurovision this past weekend - and if you're an American, you likely did - there were some truly talented acts among those competing for this year's prestigious title. There were some pretty boring acts, and there were only a few of truly strange contestants this time around (bummer).  Sweden's act Tusse was pretty talented; his joyful and uplifting track "Voices" was actually one of the few that seemed rather memorable to me. Turns out he's releasing it in French - which makes sense, as Tusse is Kongo-Kinshasa born. Tusse is enormously popular in Sweden from what I can tell, having won both Melodifestivalen (Sweden's precursor to Eurovision) and Swedish Idol. He's a talented guy, and I'm sure we're just seeing the start of what is bound to be a long and prolific career.   (you might not be able to watch this outside of Sweden so, see below) The French version of "Voices" is available for streaming here .  Also, whi

"Round the Bend" - Zoon (Beck cover)

My favorite album of Beck's has long been "Sea Change," for approximately the 20 or so years it's been out. I would probably regard it as one of my personal favorite records, for its wistfulness and its beauty. When I heard about Zoon (aka Zoongide’ewin) - the musical project of Daniel Monkman - covering the "Sea Change" track "Round the Bend," I was somewhat skeptical simply because the album holds such a place in my heart. Now, prior to hearing about this cover, I wasn't so familiar with the work of Zoon. And now, I've got to say, in my best Owen Wilson - Wow.  Apparently we both hold the 2003 Beck album in high esteem. Said Daniel about "Sea Change," "After my first listen I was so moved and at the time I was going through a pretty bad break up and this album helped me process my depression. Throughout my time away from music I’d always have a copy beside me; it kept inspiring me that I could try any kind of music style. I