Skip to main content

OUR DATE WITH DREW


I answered her Craigslist casual encounter ad. I knew after her break with Justin Long, she wanted the taste and warmth of a real man. naturally she sought me and my vagina out. We were headed to Jamba Juice, where she would be wearing one white rose in her hair and a coconut bra. I couldn't keep myself from fantasizing at red lights, while listening to the best of Kanye West on my tape player. oddly, it was one track.

"LIkE HI BRITTANY," she said when I arrived, air-kissing both cheeks. "I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU SINCE-" all of a sudden, she exploded. and not in that good way that would have made me feel imperious in my sexual abilities. no: she exploded like a pumpkin on Halloween the victim of a juvenile's baseball bat. "JENNIFER ANISTON?"
The more I gazed on the bard-less wonder in front of my emotional thunder, Suddenly, I had forgotten the image of the exploded pumpkin, and I now looked upon it as the peeling of an orange.

(mmmmm)

In other words, the dark crusty outside was peeled away, and juicy kicktastic interior was all that remained in front of me. I had one of those moments like when I saw Usher lift up his shirt and show off his meat grid six stack. I was like Jamba Juice? IN MY PANTS Then, we ran off and did that silly thing the British call FROLICKING. We took a bus ride to the bakery, eat marshmallows, drank a gallon of milk, took our pictures in the photo booth, and then, we got high as FUDGE.

Moral of the story: Jamba Juice is now codeword for Third Base Mother Fu#ker…..

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

Lilith help me, I want to stake the second episode of True Blood!

Episode 2: Authority Always Wins Well here we are again, time to sink our twin hard-ons into the new episode! Before I get into the thick of things, again I must let you know HERE BE MASSIVE SPOILERS. And I’m going to recap this by the characters instead of a timeline account, because not much happens in this episode.