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how you should spend mother's day

Take your mom to see Thor. Marvel at Chris Hemsworth or Natalie Portman or both. I mean, it's your choice, and I'm not judging.

Make her listen to Tyler the Creator with you. If there's anything Mom is sure to love, it's lyrics like:
I'm not gay, I just wanna boogie to some Marvin
(What you think of Hayley Williams?) Fuck her, Wolf Haley robbing them
I'll crash that fucking airplane that that faggot nigga B.o.B is in

And stab Bruno Mars in his goddamn esophagus
And won't stop until the cops come in

I'm an over achiever, so how about I start a team of leaders
And pick up Stevie Wonder to be the wide receiver?


Take her to Applebee's
or Red Lobster
or Chili's
WHICHEVER SHE LIKES. TODAY IS HER DAY.

Tell her you admire her for having a human come out of her vagina, because that's not ever happening here (points to self).

Make her watch the "Judas" video:



count all pop culture references! WASH YOUR FEET WITH MY HAIR BITCH


better yet, do all these things, mourn Oprah's departure, and go to Kohl's together and buy tennis shoes.

Comments

  1. I want to punch Tyler the Creator in the face.

    ReplyDelete
  2. why is he really popular? I think he's sometimes clever, but meh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Because Kanye West posted his video on Twitter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And hipsters like him no offense.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't really go out of my way to be a hipster? I just kind of like the same music they do? anyway, I read his tweets, he seems like a dbag. I don't know why Lykke is dating him. tsk tsk.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tyler is the new backpacker hiphop and the same people are falling for it again.

    ReplyDelete

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