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Why the Rapture Did Not Happen, by Phil

A lot of people must be wondering: why am I still here? Wasn't Jesus supposed to swoop me up in his arms like a motherless child?

Well I have to say that if I were indeed Jesus (like rumors through the years have implied) I might skip town, too. 

I asked Phil, all-around interesting fellow, why the Rapture was not May 21st 2011. This is what Phil had to say:

1) I sat at Rack N Roll this night wondering the same thing. Then some old lady got up and started singing some horseshit country song like she was 20, and at that moment I realized the Rapture had occurred and I am in Hell.

2.) My name's Phill Ross. I like to wear leather outfits and nipple clamps in my free time. 

 3) It doesn't matter because the world is ending in December of 2012. I think.

Well there you have it, although I do wonder if God kept us here to watch SNL last night. 

Your thoughts?

p.s. sorry Iceland


  1. that...supposed to be James Franco?

  2. IDK



  3. once I start getting my income together, THAT APPLICATION IS ON LIKE A CONDOM THAT IS NOT ON ARNOLD'S PEEN


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