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A study of sugarfree energy drinks, or how to cut your life down another decade.

There was one time in my life where I wouldn't have made the drastic decision to touch an energy drink. I remember when Red Bull emerged on the market and I was like "wtf is this shit.  NO OF COURSE I WON'T TRY IT; I'M A GOOD PERSON." I'm a really good person, y'all can attest to this.




Well, go to last year, when I knew there was absolutely NO WAY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I was going to get through my morning American lit review (which was kind of interesting, just boring and so early!) without CAFFEINE. so I started downing sugarfree energy drinks. I started downing a lot of sugarfree energy drinks. I think I may have offset my heart rhythm.


Now:  I have one a day. Especially because I've been off coffee like whoa, not willingly, but as a matter of laziness (and not knowing too many good brewers in my neck of the woods, because I'm not a Starbucks coffee fan, I just like the Americano). And God, I cannot function without caffeine. I just can't do it. I have been good about nicotine, meh about alcohol, but caffeine. Caffeine completes me. I am hopeless with the stuff.


When I first arrived to New York, I could not find the blue sugarfree (it's berry-flavored) rock star ANYWHERE. It was


Sugarfree Red Bull




my thoughts:  the taste is decent, but it has a strange aftertaste I'm not big on. It does the job, though. B+ (not my first choice, ever)


also, mix it with alcohol. JUST SAYING.


in Erie, I had the Monster variety a few times.


my thoughts:  THIS IS DISGUSTING. AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS.


F, for FAILURE.


Amp Energy, or my gateway drug into the world of energy drinks:




This is the sugared version. I can't imagine there's a huge difference SO THE VISUAL STAYS.


Amp is produced by Mountain Dew. I like everything about Mountain Dew. I like the special flavors they were testing a month ago I CANNOT FIND ANYMORE :( and no, I do not play World of Warcraft


my thoughts:  if you get the regular flavor (and not the lemon-inspired) it's good. and it works immediately, as I recall. this is how I got through American lit! A- (be warned, you get sick of it easily)


This is your run-of-the-mill sugarfree Rock Star. Be warned because I do not endorse this. That is right, Brittany Kemp is not down with this shit. She thinks it tastes like turds.


this is how I get through life.


my thoughts:  it tastes good- not overwhelmingly sweet, but when do you run into a berry-flavored soda? not often! A+


There are several varieties of Sugarfree Rock Star, too. There is orange, lemon, grape and one that is simply called "pink" (I know, right). I would give the ones I have sampled B's- I just had the pink one and my mouth was like "what did you just do to me."


Generic Energy Drinks That Every Store Seems To Have


....these are kind of, um, "icky?" 
I tried one today called TRUE COLORS. Cheap, but it tasted like someone put steroids in my water. which is probably what an energy drink is, I don't really know. 


I have a goal in life
and that is to try FourLoco (4Loco?) at some point.


conclusion:  all of these will kill you over time, but so will basically everything. have fun, keep it in moderation and DO NOT DRINK AN ENERGY DRINK IF YOU ARE STILL GOING THROUGH PUBERTY. get what I'm saying? 


I dedicate this to the blue version of Sugarfree Rock Star:




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