Skip to main content

I'M ON A ROLL - and so is the earth!


The VA Earthquake: Two Ways






I. Girard, PA

My boss had just left the gallery in Girard a bit before 2 p.m., and I was drumming my fingers on the desk, staring at the computer screen and trying not to nod off. I felt this strange shaking - a tremble, really, and my hand shook on the desk. I looked to the glass display case to the side of me and it, too, was trembling. I looked up then, and saw that the walls and windows were vibrating. It only lasted about ten seconds, and since I'm kind of crazy, I thought it might be just me.

Then it occurred to me it might actually be something news-worthy. I mean, in Erie, when someone throws up outside of the Cellblock it's on the news.

I went to the yourerie.com website and LOOK AT THIS:


http://yourerie.com/fulltext/?nxd_id=188997


RED EARTHQUAKE GRAPHIC INDICATES FIERY SERIOUSNESS OF INCIDENT



--- Also, whoever does the online web editing for yourerie sucks major donkey balls at their job. They initially misspelled 'received' (it's been fixed); the article opens with 'A earthquake...'; and the author wrote most of the sentences in the passive voice. Come on.



Anyway, I felt really vindicated and spent the next half hour reading news stories and sharing my harrowing experience with anyone who would listen. That included Bryce and my boss, whom I promptly texted in order to brag about how I felt the shaking, knowing he probably hadn't. Even if he wasn't impressed at all, he pretended for my sake. :D Thanks, boss.


II.

NYC and NOVA


Hi, you know it's BK because the font changed. MIND BLOWN. Okay, so there was this really big earthquake today that Cara apparently thought she felt. I don't know. Erie is on a major faultline and if there is a God in 2012 it should be swallowed up by said faultline.


what happened was this, on August 23, 2011, for me:


at around 2, I decided to get out of work for a little bit. I sort of wanted to clear my mind and the resounding thought in my mind was FUCK THIS I WANT A MARATHON BAR


seriously, they have these in few places, the fact the Rite-Aid near me carries them is a Godsend. I don't really know what an energy bar is nor do I care. whatever I put in my body is fine unless it's arsenic. BEHOLD:




do I have a problem with these bars? IF HAVING A PROBLEM MEANS BEING AWESOME SO BE IT.


well, while I was waiting in line- Good GOD old Jewish women live up to every stereotype imaginable! - I noticed the cash register was shaking. Swaying, really.





to which my new thought was "what the hell, man."


so then I listened to Robyn and walked back to work whilst eating said bar (amazing). when I arrived at work, I learned there had been an earthquake. Did I believe it? HELL NO. Did I then realize the epicenter was in NoVa? Where my sister lives? MRMMRMRMRMR.


I love my sister as much as I love Gwen Stefani, Oh Land, and marathon bars, but in a different way. I possibly love my sister more than my parents. Of course I emailed her. Also, if you were wondering how a first-person reaction of what went down in New York during EARTHQUAKAKAKKAKALYPSE




she wrote me back to say that her car was crushed. of course I didn't think it was like- really crushed? you know? but um. here, this picture has become very popular with the national news:




here's a video of her, she's standing on a corner scratching her head with her running shoes. also, I'd like to respond to the Youtube comment by ignorant-piece-of-shit that states "This is God's way of saying stop stealing from innocent people" or something equally moronic. My sister is a nice girl and you probably have AIDS for brains. I don't know how that would work, but wikihow it: you have that problem.





it was a really nice car. we had some good rides on it. it sat in my parents' driveway a lot. RIP car.


As for me, I guess it would have been more exciting to have been in Manhattan for this quake. because then people would have been panicking and stuff. and I would have panicked as a result. One day, I will work (full time) in Manhattan. My best friend has been visiting and he said a lot of people didn't even feel it. And then there were these people on the subway tonight who were like IN ALL MY FORTY YEARS I HASN'T FELTS EARTHQUAKES B4. oh wow.


remember 1906? me neither. I was on a lot of opiates.


in conclusion: I love Marathon bars, the Mayans were right, that picture above is Aztecs and oh I know it.




- Cara and Britt




p.s. you should send my sister a dollAR so she can get a nice station wagon. Anderson Cooper, yes, I'm talking to you.

Comments

  1. if something says Marathon on it....it's tough BUY IT!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. it does make me want to run races. clif bars make me want to climb shit, too. coincidence?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist.  "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

No Time to Fuck: The Goldfrapp Essay

Konnichiwa! This is Irina Cummings and I'm here to discuss one of the most brilliant, innovative, and creative artists in the entire history of mankind: Goldfrapp – or as I like to call them , GODfrapp – the fantastique, highly inspirational, and sometimes criminally overlooked electronic music duo from London consisting of Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory, whose godly music has certainly influenced the vast majority of today's synthpop ladies, including Lady Gaga, Little Boots, La Roux, Annie and Florence + the Machine (not electro but still worth your while). They're primarily known for their mind-blowing music (which have spanned pretty much every style of electronic music – and some non-electronic as well), their abstract, sexually ambiguous – at times forthright – lyrics which are often not gender- specific , and their elaborate shows, not to mention the amazing visual aesthetics of their work, conjuring images that masterly complement