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I'M ON A ROLL - and so is the earth!


The VA Earthquake: Two Ways






I. Girard, PA

My boss had just left the gallery in Girard a bit before 2 p.m., and I was drumming my fingers on the desk, staring at the computer screen and trying not to nod off. I felt this strange shaking - a tremble, really, and my hand shook on the desk. I looked to the glass display case to the side of me and it, too, was trembling. I looked up then, and saw that the walls and windows were vibrating. It only lasted about ten seconds, and since I'm kind of crazy, I thought it might be just me.

Then it occurred to me it might actually be something news-worthy. I mean, in Erie, when someone throws up outside of the Cellblock it's on the news.

I went to the yourerie.com website and LOOK AT THIS:


http://yourerie.com/fulltext/?nxd_id=188997


RED EARTHQUAKE GRAPHIC INDICATES FIERY SERIOUSNESS OF INCIDENT



--- Also, whoever does the online web editing for yourerie sucks major donkey balls at their job. They initially misspelled 'received' (it's been fixed); the article opens with 'A earthquake...'; and the author wrote most of the sentences in the passive voice. Come on.



Anyway, I felt really vindicated and spent the next half hour reading news stories and sharing my harrowing experience with anyone who would listen. That included Bryce and my boss, whom I promptly texted in order to brag about how I felt the shaking, knowing he probably hadn't. Even if he wasn't impressed at all, he pretended for my sake. :D Thanks, boss.


II.

NYC and NOVA


Hi, you know it's BK because the font changed. MIND BLOWN. Okay, so there was this really big earthquake today that Cara apparently thought she felt. I don't know. Erie is on a major faultline and if there is a God in 2012 it should be swallowed up by said faultline.


what happened was this, on August 23, 2011, for me:


at around 2, I decided to get out of work for a little bit. I sort of wanted to clear my mind and the resounding thought in my mind was FUCK THIS I WANT A MARATHON BAR


seriously, they have these in few places, the fact the Rite-Aid near me carries them is a Godsend. I don't really know what an energy bar is nor do I care. whatever I put in my body is fine unless it's arsenic. BEHOLD:




do I have a problem with these bars? IF HAVING A PROBLEM MEANS BEING AWESOME SO BE IT.


well, while I was waiting in line- Good GOD old Jewish women live up to every stereotype imaginable! - I noticed the cash register was shaking. Swaying, really.





to which my new thought was "what the hell, man."


so then I listened to Robyn and walked back to work whilst eating said bar (amazing). when I arrived at work, I learned there had been an earthquake. Did I believe it? HELL NO. Did I then realize the epicenter was in NoVa? Where my sister lives? MRMMRMRMRMR.


I love my sister as much as I love Gwen Stefani, Oh Land, and marathon bars, but in a different way. I possibly love my sister more than my parents. Of course I emailed her. Also, if you were wondering how a first-person reaction of what went down in New York during EARTHQUAKAKAKKAKALYPSE




she wrote me back to say that her car was crushed. of course I didn't think it was like- really crushed? you know? but um. here, this picture has become very popular with the national news:




here's a video of her, she's standing on a corner scratching her head with her running shoes. also, I'd like to respond to the Youtube comment by ignorant-piece-of-shit that states "This is God's way of saying stop stealing from innocent people" or something equally moronic. My sister is a nice girl and you probably have AIDS for brains. I don't know how that would work, but wikihow it: you have that problem.





it was a really nice car. we had some good rides on it. it sat in my parents' driveway a lot. RIP car.


As for me, I guess it would have been more exciting to have been in Manhattan for this quake. because then people would have been panicking and stuff. and I would have panicked as a result. One day, I will work (full time) in Manhattan. My best friend has been visiting and he said a lot of people didn't even feel it. And then there were these people on the subway tonight who were like IN ALL MY FORTY YEARS I HASN'T FELTS EARTHQUAKES B4. oh wow.


remember 1906? me neither. I was on a lot of opiates.


in conclusion: I love Marathon bars, the Mayans were right, that picture above is Aztecs and oh I know it.




- Cara and Britt




p.s. you should send my sister a dollAR so she can get a nice station wagon. Anderson Cooper, yes, I'm talking to you.

Comments

  1. if something says Marathon on it....it's tough BUY IT!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. it does make me want to run races. clif bars make me want to climb shit, too. coincidence?

    ReplyDelete

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