Skip to main content

Dear Dearest: Miley Cyrus

Disclaimer:
As promised, this Wednesday begins a new weekly column, which may or not be like what follows. Consider this the pilot, and snail mail is expensive, so these have to be sent out via Twitter.




Dear Dearest Miley Cyrus,

Hey, Oh Gosh, it’s so hard for me to begin because for years, I never found you sexually attractive. I guess, it isn’t my fault since the first time I saw you was at age 13. However, now that you’re legal in all 50 states, including Alaska and Puerto Rico, I see little reason why we could not get together sometime. AND NO, I am not looking for anything serious. After all, benefits are the most beneficial part of life.

I hope you know that I am a huge fan. I hope you don’t think I’m fat..because I’m not. I meant huge as I have a well-hung attitude toward supporting you in any direction or position you should choose. More importantly, when those dudes photoshop’d your face on CGI images of you naked, I strongly protested (silently).

Please note, that I stumbled on that image by accident. I’m not weird. I promise. I've been told that I am little too aggressive, but with you, I don't think that should be a problem. After all, I've seen what you do on youtube.

QATFYG:
Do you like Bjork?

If so, we should get together and watch “Dancer in the Dark” on my couch, but the funny thing is, I don’t own a couch. I only own a bed…very funny indeed, and if you choose to come over and watch “Dancer in the Dark” I’ll make you hot chocolate (MINUS THE CHOCOLATE).

Yours truly,

Me

Comments

  1. this was sweet, in a sort of, um, that movie with the rats and Michael Jackson way.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist.  "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

Appropriate Holiday Gift Ideas for the Single Lady

While some people may see it as a drag, there are plenty of benefits to being single during the holiday season. During this time of the year, there are tons of parties you can attend that you may not have had the opportunity to if you were in a relationship. There’s also not as much stress on you as a single gal during the holidays because you don’t have to shop for your partner and extended family members  or  stress over where to eat Christmas dinner.  Not everyone sees the bright side of being fancy free during the holidays, and, tragically, they aren't afraid to let us single ladies know. Not only are single women subjected to even more harassment and ridicule during the holiday season, they’re also given the most obnoxious gifts by those who can’t comprehend how anyone can be both happy and single. Whether it’s a self-help book (desperately) trying to reinforce how great is to be single or the gift of a year-long subscription to Match.com , single women are presented with

"High Tide, Storm Rising" - Skinshape

A new Skinshape LP is on the way as of October 28th! "Nostalgia" promises to delve into the world of motives and motifs. Will Dorey (AKA Skinshape) has described this particular track "High Tide, Storm Rising" as "the main theme song of a movie." And if you have read any of my prior posts, you know I'm a sucker for anything cinematic.  Here's a full look at the Skinshape "Nostalgia" track listing: 01. Theme For Lazarus 02. Better Chances 03. Dreams of Panama 04. Moonlight Walk  05. Albion 06. High Tide, Storm Rising 07. Turn Away 08. Bohanon's Cornucopia 09. Bad Dreams 10. Fish & Chips 11. Dawn I would try to include something about live shows, but the soulful likes of Skinahape simply prefer to record and NOT perform live, which is an interesting choice in today's world.  Once again, "Nostalgia" is out everywhere as of Oct. 28th.