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Dear Dearest: Miley Cyrus

As promised, this Wednesday begins a new weekly column, which may or not be like what follows. Consider this the pilot, and snail mail is expensive, so these have to be sent out via Twitter.

Dear Dearest Miley Cyrus,

Hey, Oh Gosh, it’s so hard for me to begin because for years, I never found you sexually attractive. I guess, it isn’t my fault since the first time I saw you was at age 13. However, now that you’re legal in all 50 states, including Alaska and Puerto Rico, I see little reason why we could not get together sometime. AND NO, I am not looking for anything serious. After all, benefits are the most beneficial part of life.

I hope you know that I am a huge fan. I hope you don’t think I’m fat..because I’m not. I meant huge as I have a well-hung attitude toward supporting you in any direction or position you should choose. More importantly, when those dudes photoshop’d your face on CGI images of you naked, I strongly protested (silently).

Please note, that I stumbled on that image by accident. I’m not weird. I promise. I've been told that I am little too aggressive, but with you, I don't think that should be a problem. After all, I've seen what you do on youtube.

Do you like Bjork?

If so, we should get together and watch “Dancer in the Dark” on my couch, but the funny thing is, I don’t own a couch. I only own a bed…very funny indeed, and if you choose to come over and watch “Dancer in the Dark” I’ll make you hot chocolate (MINUS THE CHOCOLATE).

Yours truly,



  1. this was sweet, in a sort of, um, that movie with the rats and Michael Jackson way.


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