Skip to main content

Dear Whole Foods Check-out Boy: An Epic Poem

Dear Whole Foods Check-Out Boy,




I already misrepresent you;     

You are not a "boy" at all,

But rather 

A young man in his early to mid twenties.

And I think I may love you.


Do you go to school here?
Grad school? (I hope)
Carnegie Mellon?
University of Pittsburgh?
What do you study?
History?
Creative Writing?
Anthropology with a specialization in
New World Primates? (I hope not)
Nothing against the monkeys.
I just don’t want you to love them more than me,
Like it seemed my Human Evolution professor did.
(Than his fiance, not me)

I felt that my shopping cart contents represented me well today.
Organic eggs, goat's cheese, savoy cabbage
Dried figs, one avocado, honeycrisp apples
"Cooks"
"Not vegan"
Is this too perfect?
Does it seem like I have a strict diet/am weird about what I eat?
Because I don't/am not.
I'm just generally trying to eat better.
(I gained some weight after working in a bakery.
Not that I care/think about that stuff.)
Except just know that I'm usually about six pounds thinner.
Not that you care.
You're not that superficial.

But, if you want to be with a "girl" who
Eats cheese fries.
Will split a warm chocolate chip cookie with you.
I am that girl, too.

I feel that we are equally attractive. 
And I've been told that ideal human mates are equally as attractive as each other.
So this is science talking.
I've already described you to the members of my Hamlet cast
And my roommate
As
Beautiful,
Perfect,
Heart-Stopping
So I hope you don't think that I think that highly of myself.

But I am pretty lucky
To kind of resemble
A Combo of
Anna Karina
Naomi Watts
Hilary Swank
and
Jennifer Garner
...If you're into that.

If it helps
Just know 
That I didn't always look like this.
I didn't have anyone to dance with in middle school.
"Boys" didn't like me.
And my teeth were really big.
In consequence
I developed a "personality"
And a "sense of humor".
I hope you like it.

Also my hair cut is from August.
I did it myself.
When my hair grows long
It's more
Conventionally
Beautiful.
If that's your thing.

But, I don't think it would be.
Because even though you are classically beautiful.
And could realistically portray such literary figures as 
Angel Clare
Aragorn, King of Men
Or really any
Regency-era male love interest,
You choose to wear your hair like
A character out of
A Cole Porter musical
And this makes you seem
Quirky and off-beat.
How long does it take you to do your hair?

On a similar note
You wore a mustard colored sweater
Which jived well with my
Brown "Dad" sweater.
I bought at the Goodwill 
On East Carson St.

I can dress up too.
Sometimes.

In case you care
There was something in your eyes.
And it's a rare thing.

But you already knew that.


- Rachel McKeon (guest writer/poet)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

movies you should see: hiroshima mon amour

Hiroshima, Mon Amour this movie has been on my mind a lot lately, due to the recent events in Japan. when I saw it about a year ago, it easily made an impression on me. easily. it was just so beautiful, in every way thinkable. it follows the story of a French actress and her Japanese architect lover, having a conversation together as they lie in bed. the majority of the film is told in flashbacks of their lives in WWII (the film was made in 1959, so there's a ten year gap there). he was directly affected by the dropping of the atom bomb in Hiroshima; she was ostracized due to her involvement with a German soldier. the reason I was propelled to see it was the song "Burning Hearts" by My Favorite- "I was an architect, she was an actress, I drew the Eiffel Tower upon her dress." (really good song too, by the way! RIP My Favorite). luckily, you can find the movie online. here's a portion of it: I HOPE YOU LIKE READING FILMS it's given credit (so I am