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"England"- The National

I've decided to spend the rest of November making 30 posts about songs that mean a lot to me or have a special place in my heart. this is partially in response to a writing challenge directed to me by my frans Ryan and Jeffrey. I could do poetry, but no. Poetry takes too much from me now. Sometimes I do it, but like recreational drugs, it's something I tip my toes in selectively. And prose! WELL THAT'S GOT A WHOLE LOT GOING ON THERE, SON. 


So let me start with "England" by the National, which has become the anthem to 2011 in my head.  


When I first heard this song, I wasn't such a fan. I don't recall why. I guess I just wrote it off as "boring."





But then it kept coming up again and again and AGAIN. And again! I think I really started listening to this song once I got to New York, although it's arguable I heard it before then and nodded and said something to myself like "oh, that's pretty." 


It's not just pretty, though. It's humbling how truly gorgeous this song is. The National spun a classic.


Famous angels never come through England 
England gets the ones you never need 
I'm in a Los Angeles cathedral 
Minor singin' airheads sing for me


Put a ocean and a river between everybody ever 
Between everything, yourself and home 



Once I moved. This song got a different perspective. Honestly, yes, I've had so many people I've grown to love and care about move and leave these past several years. And I miss them all, even those I barely talk to. A day does not pass me where I don't think of any of them.


And in all honesty, even I'm in awe of the circumstances in which I left. My grandmother was on her deathbed. I had to say goodbye to her- I've only been home once since. I didn't even go back for her funeral. Her pleading, sad eyes will kind of stay with me forever, you know?


It's not even just that. It's that I know everything is so different, completely different and home is such a more complex concept than I will ever understand. I miss the house I remember of my childhood. I miss having my (now deceased) grandparents down the street. And I miss my English major friends outside our Centennial Hall, bitching about our classmates and life in general. I miss even Porter, the dog I walked all summer and Daryl, my English best friend who visited last week. And even less unattainable things, like the innocence of being little, or knowing that I could fall asleep without some existential crisis looming over my head.


So. 


Home is very far away, isn't it? 

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