A preview of what is to come.

So as one countdown ends, another begins. And thus this week I will be unveiling "My Top Ten Pop Culture Moments That Were of No Significance To You." I hope it will be a wonderful traipse down memory lane for us pop culture junkies; I will even hold your hand!

Thus, consider this following post a taste of what to expect.

Johnny Depp Seperates From "Life Partner" Vanessa Paradis; Was Apparently Getting a Lot of Poon In the Meantime

Fangirls internationally rejoiced at this news, I'd assume. For me I've typically thought Johnny was a pretty stand-up guy. I mean, he's got a solid acting career, he seems decent and his relationship with the gorgeous and talented Miss Paradis lasted some 14 years. I always thought that was impressive, y'know? Except I can't go apeshit for him like some people I know, which includes my thirteen-year-old cousin, who the last I knew had just discovered the Pirates series and was subsequently enthralled.

However, Johnny's fairly-clean (let's not rehash the 1990s: WINONA RYDER AND KATE MOSS ARE OLD NEWS) image has taken a fair share of mudslinging over the course of this past year, when his non-marriage to Paradis (who is an accomplished French singer, btw) was on shaky ground to begin with. Of course, that's a private matter, but TMZ always has someone in the know. If I had famous friends, you BET I'd sell them out for money. $$$$$

The big development was the fact that Johnny Depp was dipping his pen in company ink: with a.) costar Amber Heard* (who is infamously bisexual, like that really matters, Hollywood, stop beating that to death) and b.) his publicist (I Do Not Know Her Name). Are there others? MMMMMMMMMM. I'd say it's likely, but me, being a product of Disney films, prefers not to think so.

So what happened? Did Johnny get restless? Do all men in long-term relationships of that nature end up cheating if they are famous and considered, generally, to be one of the best-looking and most talented in the entertainment business?

And like the tale of Tiger Woods and his Swedish supermodel wife, I'm totally baffled as to why you'd cheat on VANESSA PARADIS. She is one of those women that are so gorgeous I hurt a bit to look at them for long.

Johnny: what the hell!

Now: they are both on the market (supposedly, there seems to be a lot of Ross-and-Rachel shit going on with these two AND I JUST CAN'T KEEP UP WITH IT IT STRESSES ME OUT). Which is good news for anyone that could sleep with these two, which does not include me.

Albeit, it seems Johnny is pretty focused on Amber Heard right now.

And also, as much as I'm sick of hearing about this story, I will take it over any more developments from these two

MAKE IT STOP ALREADY

in conclusion:

Vanessa: call me! 867-5309

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it

No Time to Fuck: The Goldfrapp Essay

Konnichiwa! This is Irina Cummings and I'm here to discuss one of the most brilliant, innovative, and creative artists in the entire history of mankind: Goldfrapp – or as I like to call them , GODfrapp – the fantastique, highly inspirational, and sometimes criminally overlooked electronic music duo from London consisting of Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory, whose godly music has certainly influenced the vast majority of today's synthpop ladies, including Lady Gaga, Little Boots, La Roux, Annie and Florence + the Machine (not electro but still worth your while). They're primarily known for their mind-blowing music (which have spanned pretty much every style of electronic music – and some non-electronic as well), their abstract, sexually ambiguous – at times forthright – lyrics which are often not gender- specific , and their elaborate shows, not to mention the amazing visual aesthetics of their work, conjuring images that masterly complement

An Open Letter to the Actress: Milena Govich

Dear Milena Govich, Hey, how are you? What is up? Well, I assume you might get 5-7 fan letters a week, but I hope the glitter on my envelope stood out to you. In all seriousness, I have not been the most loyal fan of your filmography, but in the opening credits of the 2006 show, “Conviction,” I got to see you in your underwear. Ever since then, I have been one of your most active online stalkers (not a crime in all states I think). In the next letter, I promise to include an underwear photo for you, so we'll be even. Milena, I remember even back to the days when you worked on one of those other 200 Dick Wolf projects you did...what was the name of that show? “Law and Order.” Yes, that was it. You made history as playing the first female lead detective on the “Law and Order” original franchise for your role as Detective Cassidy. However, I will have to note your performance was strongly tainted when Chevy Chase guest-starred and gave you the nickname, “Detective Sugar-Tits.” At leas

The Useless Critic 2.0

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