Extenze: Now Making Energy Shots

Questions for You:

Do you ever drink energy drinks and wish they could make your penis larger?

If you responded yes, or even if you responded no, you’re in luck. Extenze has now gone for the energy

drink salt lick and put a new shot-sized product that is identical in shape to 5 Hour Energy.

So what’s the real deal? Is this a thrill or a lame chill? What’s it taste like? Does it provide results?

At first sip, the Extenze Shot tastes rather strong, as do most in this size (giggles). It is like syrup, and it doesn’t taste as sweet as one can expect.

After two minutes, I began to wonder “Why is my face hot?” IT’S MAKING THE WRONG HEAD EXTEND. They failed to mention on the label that this drink includes paranoia, and it also leads to hyperactivity such as humming show tunes off key.

After three minutes, I began to wonder…why am I sweating? But only in my face? Like seriously, what is in this shit? My face is burning, and I am now sweating under my lip…..

After four minutes, I started to feel like chemicals were moving around inside my body, and suddenly things felt like a Phillip Morris factory…meaning they were fucking up.

No results…..Other than Tingling.

What a tease?

This is the last time I will ever try this drink while driving.

Comments

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created. "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong. Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

"Round the Bend" - Zoon (Beck cover)

My favorite album of Beck's has long been "Sea Change," for approximately the 20 or so years it's been out. I would probably regard it as one of my personal favorite records, for its wistfulness and its beauty. When I heard about Zoon (aka Zoongide’ewin) - the musical project of Daniel Monkman - covering the "Sea Change" track "Round the Bend," I was somewhat skeptical simply because the album holds such a place in my heart. Now, prior to hearing about this cover, I wasn't so familiar with the work of Zoon. And now, I've got to say, in my best Owen Wilson - Wow. Apparently we both hold the 2003 Beck album in high esteem. Said Daniel about "Sea Change," "After my first listen I was so moved and at the time I was going through a pretty bad break up and this album helped me process my depression. Throughout my time away from music I’d always have a copy beside me; it kept inspiring me that I could try any kind of music style. I

3 New Lana Songs Come Out From Upcoming Album "Blue Banisters"

Not even that far off from "Chemtrails Over The Country Club" being released this past March, Lana Del Rey dropped three new singles off her upcoming project, "Blue Banisters." They include the title track, "Text Book," and "Wildflower Wildfire." All three songs seem to merge the worlds of "COCC" with "Norman Fucking Rockwell," specifically Lana's mouthful of a track "Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me To Have But I Have It." They also seem uncharacteristically more confessional than most of Lana's catalog to date, specifically "Wildflower Wildfire," which alludes to a conflict with her mother. She even starts the track with "Here's the deal," readying to show more of her backstory than she ever has in her decade-plus-long career. The three songs are gorgeous - especially "Text Book," which has a haunting quality to it (she mentions "Black Lives Matter" i

The Useless Critic 2.0

Search This Blog