Caroline tells Max about a performance Marina Abramović did with her boyfriend, where they take turns slapping each other's faces for days. This prompts Max to slap Caroline in the face. Caroline laughs and slaps Max back. They proceed to slap each other repeatedly until Caroline tells Max to stop. A few seconds later, though, Max gives Caroline one last slap. "That's for suggesting we make a lip-synch video to 'Call Me Maybe,'" she says. Ugh, I would have loved to see this.
Han is upset about his mother in Korea giving him a hard time, having just spoken with her on the phone. Max tells him to stand up to her, as he's a 53-year-old man. A confused Han reveals that he's actually 29, much to Max's disbelief. A weird man in a trench coat walks into the diner. When Max approaches him, the man asks her if she wants to live. "Actually, today, I could go either way," she quips in response. He's not joking, though. After implying he has a gun in his pocket, he hands Max a bag and orders her to go around the diner and have everyone fill it with the contents of their purse.
Max goes up to Caroline and warns her that they're being robbed. Caroline freaks out and ends up peeing herself. The man tells Caroline to step out from behind the counter, but she says she can't because she's still peeing. Oleg runs out of the kitchen with a bat, but he slips on Caroline's pee. As the robber is running out of patience, a desperate Caroline tells him to take Max instead of her, which shocks Max.
Han shows up wearing a "manny pack" (a fanny pack for men, that is). When he learns there's a robbery going on, he pulls a gun from it and points it at the robber.
Later on, after sorting the stolen items out of the bag, Max jokes that she couldn't find Caroline's dignity in it. Amidst the stolen items, Caroline finds a coupon for free movie popcorn. Max offers to take her to the movies for free, as she's been sneaking into theaters since she was 2 years old: "I crawled into The Little Mermaid with a sack full of Cheerios and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke." Max is officially giving Chuck Norris a run for his money. The next day, Max shows Caroline how to sneak into the movies for free by walking up to the usher, making an excuse and boldly walking with purpose while flipping your hair.
I'm so going to try this out the next time I go to the movies. Let's see if Caroline can pull it off:
"Good, but easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith," Max says, reminding us of that god-awful song we wish had never existed. As they arrive at the movies, the girls manage to successfully walk past the usher after Max makes a fake excuse about leaving her phone in the theater. They head to the snack counter, where Max tries to convince the clerk, Hallelujah, to make a fresh batch of popcorn, but he says it takes ten minutes, and the movie is about to start. When one of the three nerdy boys behind Max tells them to hurry up, she scolds him while defending Hallelujah, who decides to make a fresh batch just for the girls.
Inside the theater, Max apologizes to the nerds for being too hard on them earlier. Caroline confesses she is confused by superhero movies. When Max starts yelling at the screen all of a sudden because of the movie's inconsistencies, Caroline suggests they go to another movie, but Max explains that "yelling at the screen is the best part of going to the movies, and more white people should learn that." Caroline sees Han sitting in the back with a guy and a girl, which makes her wonder if he's in a threesome. Han leaves, followed by the guy he was sitting next to. The girls decide to follow him, but not before Max yells at the screen one last time.
Han goes to the bathroom with the aforementioned man. "Is Han also a Republican senator?" Max wonders. As they poke their head into the men's room, Caroline suggests that drugs are involved. They see Han coming back and start running. On their way back to the movie, the usher asks to see their tickets. Max just keeps walking, but Caroline panics and gets left behind. Han shows up, so she pretends he's her boyfriend and he has her ticket. Han can't find his ticket, though, and when the usher warns him that sneaking into a theater is a felony, he pees his pants. "At least your fanny pack isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore," the usher mocks.
At the diner, Caroline accuses Max of being as selfish as her after walking away from her at the theater. She concludes that Max would never take a bullet for her, despite Max having said otherwise. "No one ever takes a bullet," Max replies. "It's just something people say that they don't mean, like 'how was your day?' or 'we'll stop if it hurts.'" Caroline realizes that even though they're ruthless, they do put themselves second occasionally, like when Max let Caroline stay on her couch when she had no place to stay. Caroline, however, can't recall a single occasion when she didn't put herself first.
After being mercilessly taunted by Sophie, Han tells Max he feels humiliated. Max commends him for not selling Caroline out. While they're at it, Max asks him why he was at the movies in the middle of the day. "Sometimes people bug me, and I need some time away," he explains. Max says he's cool and announces plans to hang out with him sometime, which makes his face light up. "Not now, not in a week, but in the future," Max clarifies. See? She can do nice as well.
Current total: $995.00
Han is upset about his mother in Korea giving him a hard time, having just spoken with her on the phone. Max tells him to stand up to her, as he's a 53-year-old man. A confused Han reveals that he's actually 29, much to Max's disbelief. A weird man in a trench coat walks into the diner. When Max approaches him, the man asks her if she wants to live. "Actually, today, I could go either way," she quips in response. He's not joking, though. After implying he has a gun in his pocket, he hands Max a bag and orders her to go around the diner and have everyone fill it with the contents of their purse.
 |
| Sadly, that's not the bulge I would normally hope for |
Max goes up to Caroline and warns her that they're being robbed. Caroline freaks out and ends up peeing herself. The man tells Caroline to step out from behind the counter, but she says she can't because she's still peeing. Oleg runs out of the kitchen with a bat, but he slips on Caroline's pee. As the robber is running out of patience, a desperate Caroline tells him to take Max instead of her, which shocks Max.
 |
| The invisible penis attacks again. Remember last episode? |
Han shows up wearing a "manny pack" (a fanny pack for men, that is). When he learns there's a robbery going on, he pulls a gun from it and points it at the robber.
Later on, after sorting the stolen items out of the bag, Max jokes that she couldn't find Caroline's dignity in it. Amidst the stolen items, Caroline finds a coupon for free movie popcorn. Max offers to take her to the movies for free, as she's been sneaking into theaters since she was 2 years old: "I crawled into The Little Mermaid with a sack full of Cheerios and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke." Max is officially giving Chuck Norris a run for his money. The next day, Max shows Caroline how to sneak into the movies for free by walking up to the usher, making an excuse and boldly walking with purpose while flipping your hair.
I'm so going to try this out the next time I go to the movies. Let's see if Caroline can pull it off:
"Good, but easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith," Max says, reminding us of that god-awful song we wish had never existed. As they arrive at the movies, the girls manage to successfully walk past the usher after Max makes a fake excuse about leaving her phone in the theater. They head to the snack counter, where Max tries to convince the clerk, Hallelujah, to make a fresh batch of popcorn, but he says it takes ten minutes, and the movie is about to start. When one of the three nerdy boys behind Max tells them to hurry up, she scolds him while defending Hallelujah, who decides to make a fresh batch just for the girls.
Inside the theater, Max apologizes to the nerds for being too hard on them earlier. Caroline confesses she is confused by superhero movies. When Max starts yelling at the screen all of a sudden because of the movie's inconsistencies, Caroline suggests they go to another movie, but Max explains that "yelling at the screen is the best part of going to the movies, and more white people should learn that." Caroline sees Han sitting in the back with a guy and a girl, which makes her wonder if he's in a threesome. Han leaves, followed by the guy he was sitting next to. The girls decide to follow him, but not before Max yells at the screen one last time.
Han goes to the bathroom with the aforementioned man. "Is Han also a Republican senator?" Max wonders. As they poke their head into the men's room, Caroline suggests that drugs are involved. They see Han coming back and start running. On their way back to the movie, the usher asks to see their tickets. Max just keeps walking, but Caroline panics and gets left behind. Han shows up, so she pretends he's her boyfriend and he has her ticket. Han can't find his ticket, though, and when the usher warns him that sneaking into a theater is a felony, he pees his pants. "At least your fanny pack isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore," the usher mocks.
At the diner, Caroline accuses Max of being as selfish as her after walking away from her at the theater. She concludes that Max would never take a bullet for her, despite Max having said otherwise. "No one ever takes a bullet," Max replies. "It's just something people say that they don't mean, like 'how was your day?' or 'we'll stop if it hurts.'" Caroline realizes that even though they're ruthless, they do put themselves second occasionally, like when Max let Caroline stay on her couch when she had no place to stay. Caroline, however, can't recall a single occasion when she didn't put herself first.
After being mercilessly taunted by Sophie, Han tells Max he feels humiliated. Max commends him for not selling Caroline out. While they're at it, Max asks him why he was at the movies in the middle of the day. "Sometimes people bug me, and I need some time away," he explains. Max says he's cool and announces plans to hang out with him sometime, which makes his face light up. "Not now, not in a week, but in the future," Max clarifies. See? She can do nice as well.
Current total: $995.00
I always read these, as long as they are!
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