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2 Broke Girls recap: And the Three Boys with Wood

No, this week's episode of 2 Broke Girls wasn't named after some gay porno, although my post might make it seem otherwise. Make sure you keep reading to find out why (wow, that wasn't at all gimmicky).

Caroline is in the yard raking leaves, when Max comes back home with Chestnut saying they saw that cat they don't like. Caroline talks about how the coming of autumn is her favorite time of year, as she picks up a handful of leaves. All of a sudden, she finds a condom in it and immediately throws the leaves down. "Wow, I guess autumn really is coming," Max remarks, before presuming it was the cat who threw it over their wall.

Max tells Caroline that they should start figuring out what to do with Chestnut this winter. Caroline is getting ready for her first date with Andy, and Max assumes they'll have sex. Caroline is unsure as she's never dated a poor guy before, so she asks Max what is acceptable on a first date. "Well, I'm pretty classy, so... anal?" Max suggests. Oh. My. God. I'm not 8, but that line made me let out a huge cackle. "I'm not that poor," Caroline answers, after an awkward pause.


When Andy arrives, Caroline asks Max to bring him out in the yard so he can see her in her vintage sweater next to Chestnut. Max tells him to come outside because Miss Channing wants him to see her "looking like the girl who got cut from the J.Crew catalog for being too white." He realizes she's the Caroline Channing, rather than a regular Williamsburg girl, like he initially thought. "She doesn't try that hard," Max says, but she changes her mind when she sees Caroline outside posing with Chestnut, indeed looking like a catalog model reject. Before leaving for his date with Caroline, Andy gives Max the Pixy Stix she had asked him for. "Yeah, definitely anal," Max says as she enjoys her candy.

Caroline shows up at the diner a half hour late from her date with Andy. Max asks if they had sex—using candy-based metaphors—but Caroline says it didn't happen, even after hours of her breathing heavily and acting seductively around him, leading her to think he's gay, though Max is not convinced. Caroline reckons that he just wants her as friend, but Max assures that Caroline is "80 pounds and a coke addiction shy from being qualified to be a gay guy's female friend."

Two really cute Amish boys walk into the diner. Max assumes they're hipster Amish wannabes, so she tells them to leave. The boys explain that they really are Amish; they're from Pennsylvania and they're in New York on their Rumspringa, a period where they get to leave the ways of the Amish and experience the modern world. Max offers to bring the boys some coffee on her, but one of the boys, Jacob, says coffee is "the Devil in a cup." The other boy, Jebediah, assures they can do whatever they want now that they're in New York. Caroline reminds Max that Amish are known for building barns, which gives them the idea to enlist the two boys to build a barn for Chestnut.


From left to right: Jebediah and Jacob

Max and Caroline go back to their place with the boys. Caroline says they can sleep in her Murphy bed (the one Max hilariously said looked like a vagina in season 1). When she pulls her bed down, she realizes she left her bra in it, which makes Jacob very nervous. Jebediah talks about his plans to get the wood for the barn in the morning, but Max points out that there seems to be plenty of wood right there, referring to Jacob's boner after seeing Caroline's bra, which he tries to hide with his hat. Ha, that's cute.

After the boys go outside to play with Chestnut, Caroline says she has second thoughts about hiring the boys, following Jacob's boner. Max explains that it was "just a typical male reaction to a couple of hot cougars like us." Meanwhile, Caroline is upset that Andy hasn't called or texted her. Max suggests she text him saying "hey," but when Caroline types it, her phone autocorrects it to "gay."


Sophie swings by the girls' apartment for a cupcake, until she notices the two boys and becomes quite the cougar herself, causing Jacob to get yet another boner. Max and Caroline try to explain that they're just building a barn for Chestnut and it's strictly business, but Sophie misinterprets those sentences as being code for sexual activities. Finally, Caroline gives Sophie a cupcake and tells her to leave. Andy finally texts Caroline back, using emojis of a rainbow, dollar sign and muffin. "Could be worse. I once got naked guy, naked girl, tombstone. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I immediately got tested," Max recalls.

For her second date with Andy, Caroline is 
wearing golden shorts and a see-through tank top. She plans on taking him to a bar where only cheap girls go to get laid. Max says that Caroline's outfit is sexy, but not foolproof. To prove her wrong, Caroline goes outside to flaunt her stuff to Jacob, who, not surprisingly, gets his third boner this episode. "I'm not saying I'm that hot, but I've never seen anybody drop wood and get wood at the same time," Caroline says before leaving for her date. Jebediah asks Max if it would be okay if they took their shirts off, because they're sweating. Before he can say anything else, Max is quick to agree.


Mama likes it

Max is clearly getting a ladyboner—and so am I, to be quite honest. On top of that, Jebediah asks her to spray him with a water of bottle. Suddenly, Sophie shows up at her window upstairs and starts pouring water down over them with a watering can. She also says she needs the boys to come up and fix something that broke. When Jebediah asks what's broken, Sophie comes back inside and breaks the first thing she sees. The thirst is real.

FUCK

Caroline and Andy are at the seedy bar, where pretty much every couple around them is making out on the dance floor, but Andy still won't make a move. Caroline excuses herself to call Max, who's at home with a bowl of popcorn watching the two hot, shirtless Amish boys working. Caroline complains about her date, and Max reveals that she might have persuaded Andy to ask Caroline out. "You forced a gay guy to go out with me?! Who am I, the girl with lupus at the prom?!" Caroline says. Okay, that line was rather offensive, I'll give you that. Max is still convinced that Andy's not gay, so she decides to come down to the bar to help, since the two were really hot when Max was standing between them. Also, she's afraid of what might happen if she stays home with the two hot boys.

Miss Black if you're nasty!

Max arrives at the bar with the Amish guys (properly clothed, unfortunately)—she was afraid to leave them home, as Sophie was running out of things to break in her apartment. Max takes Andy to the bar to get drinks, where she tells him to make a move with Caroline. He's afraid he's not good enough for her because he's just a candy store owner while she used to be rich. He also explains that he used emojis to buy him time to figure out what to say. Max runs to Caroline to tell her that Andy thinks she's rich and refined, which is a "boner blocker." When Andy comes back bringing beer and nachos, Caroline decides to act cheap and unrefined. First she attempts to chug draft beer, then she takes a stuttering Jacob out on the floor, where she proceeds to grind on him. That calls for a GIF.


The poor boy can't handle it, and he ends up having a panic attack, which freaks Caroline out. All his blood went down to his dick, I'm afraid. He is soon taken away by paramedics and put into an ambulance. Caroline receives more emojis from Andy—Christmas tree, fireworks and Martini glass—and she decides she's done with him. When she asks Andy what this is supposed to mean, he kisses her.

Jebediah thanks Max for everything and says goodbye before he goes with Jacob in the ambulance. He also says he met a girl in the bar and has decided to stay in New York, so he asks if she has any advice for a kid trying to make it in the world. "Just know you're gonna struggle for a while," she replies. "Someone's gonna ask you what time it is, and when you look at your watch, he's gonna put his penis on you. But like Dan Savage says, it gets better. Although it hasn't for me, so maybe that only applies to questioning teens. In short, there's really no point to anything, but sometimes, you get to eat candy or have sex, and that's when it all feels right." That was really beautiful and inspiring, even if she mentioned Dan Savage.

When Max turns around, she's faced with the condom-throwing cat. She attempts to fend the cat off, but when the cat hisses at her, she accepts defeat gracefully and then takes off running not so gracefully.



Current total: $1328.00

This seems to be the most morally ambiguous 2 Broke Girls episode I've seen so far—and I loved every second of it. Also, I'm strangely turned on by this whole Amish thing. Hopefully, when I go to New York, I'll bump into some hot, unexperienced Amish dudes as well, so I can both mock them and sexually entice them. But please, no fugly beards. Hey, Brittany, do you happen to know any from Pennsylvania?

P.S.: I've just run across this article from the Parents Television Council. How delightful. "2 Broke Girls rightfully deserves the title of Worst TV Show of the Week." Seems like someone hasn't been getting any lately. Well, here's something you guys rightfully deserve as well:


The funny thing is, they didn't even mention the lupus joke, which was the only thing I found remotely offensive about this episode. Whatever, whiners are wieners.

Comments

  1. dude, Amish boys can be cute. I won't lie. when I worked in downtown Erie one summer I used to see them doing landscaping all the time and it's sweet how shy they get. I'll find one 4 u next month. cross my heart and hope to die.

    also I think they likely peak at 19.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yay!!!!! thanks, sis. preferably white with some nice abs, heh. I just love messin' with the shy ones.

      Delete

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