Skip to main content

Dexter Recap: Don't Drink the Lemonade Edition

It’s that time again, where I wax poetic about all the poor decisions everyone seems to be making on Dexter. In this installment, Dex decides to help out his girl, his girl decides to help herself, Deb decides to help Dex (some more), Quinn decides to help his stripper, and LaGuerta decides to help no one, as usual. 
Episode 7: Chemistry
The episode picks up with Dex and Hannah, post coitus. Dex wonders if it’s chemistry that brought them together. I’d wager it’s your predilection for damaged blondes. 
Also, the Chuck sideboob demographic.
They have some knifeplay, Hannah gets on top and almost impales Dex with said knife.

Meanwhile, Deb has a nice date with true crime author, Sal. He mentions that Hannah’s allegedly-murdered husband has a sister who might let Deb exhume the body, so they can check it for poison. That and Sal wants to know what kind of music Deb likes? “The sound of a jailhouse door slamming shut.” (who the fuck writes this crap?) And, since everyone’s boner is effectively killed by that last statement, Sal goes home unsexed.

The morning after, Dex and Hannah agree that they shouldn’t see each other anymore. Because that will totally happen. Dex asks why she didn’t ask for an explanation to why the snow-making machine at Santa’s Happy Sex Palace was still operational during the off season. Just kidding, she didn’t ask about the whole serial killer thing because she doesn’t need to know. Fair enough, I suppose.

And who should Dexter see across the street but Sal, who’s got a mad-on for Hannah. To interview. Oh, and he knows about Dex’s shoddy blood work on the Wayne Randall case. Sal wants to tell people about it, but Dexter agrees to give him an interview about Wayne’s final moments (hit by a bus, if we’re recalling).

At Miami Metro, Deb does her best to dissuade LaGuerta off the whole Bay Harbor Butcher case. LaGuerta seems to agree, so hopefully she doesn’t continue snooping around later in this episode.

Deb then goes to Dex and tells him she knows about him covering for Hannah. Because Sal said so. Or something. Forgive me, every time Sal is mentioned or shows up on screen, my mind tends to wander. He’s boring, is what I’m trying to say.

Angel tells Dex that Issak’s lawyer is on the way, so they’d better get that blood evidence ready for him to check out. What’s that? The blood evidence went missing? Well then the team better get back to the crime scene to get some more blood! (We all remember Quinn destroyed the evidence to save his stripper girlfriend, right? Right.)
You lost the evidence? Sucks to be you. My girlfriend is a stripper.
They hurry to the bar where Issak murdered all those Colombians, but someone tampered with the sewer line or somesuch, because the bar is flooded with poop. So no blood evidence for them. Also, Angel pulls Quinn aside and asks him about his name on the evidence locker log-in sheet. He couldn’t have possibly been the one to tamper with the investigation? Quinn says no, and Angel believes him. Let’s italicize that for effect: Angel took Quinn’s word when he is not only obviously guilty but also has a past with the Russian mob. Maybe Angel does need to retire.

Dex breaks the poopy news to Deb; guess Dex will just have to take care of things himself. No so fast, says Deb. They’re putting a tail on Issak, so don’t try anything sneaky, Dexter.

Sal swings by Miami Metro to give Deb the info on Hannah’s sister-in-law, and to ask her out on another date. Sal is pushy and annoying, and I certainly hope nothing bad ever happens to him.

Let’s put on the brakes and stop to find out what Quinn is up to. Blah blah blah Russian girlfriend. Yadda yadda yadda Quinn is dumb. He tried to buy Najda’s freedom, but all he’s done is put himself on the Russian mob’s payroll, essentially.

Deb interviews Jake’s (Hannah’s husband) sister. She says that Hannah was pregnant, but had a miscarriage after Jake died. Oh, and she agrees to have the body exhumed.

Sal decides to pay Hannah a visit at her flower stand. He’s vaguely threatening in a boring way, and he gets Hannah to agree to an interview when he says he’ll ruin Dexter. He’s also a terrible writer by the way:  “Her lust for killing never stopped, she just switched from knives to poison.” (I think that's it. I could rewatch that scene, but I won't.) That’s in his alleged preface to his book. What are you people reading on this show? Because if it’s all that bad, I have my answer as to why the dialogue on this show is so atrocious.

Dex is in research mode, and plans to do a frame-job on Sal with a likely case that Sal wrote a book about. Ghost dad interjects with some unheeded advice. Poor ghost dad, no one ever listens to him.

Dex pays Hannah a visit. She mentions what an asshole Sal is being about the whole interview thing, and Dex advises against killing him. Hannah is not convinced; she wants him gone. Here’s where we get some insight into Hannah’s MO: she believes in nature as the ultimate decider and survival of the fittest. Why not kill Sal if he’s in her way? Dex disagrees.
All the while trying to conceal his massive erection,
He muses to himself that Hannah accepts him, and isn’t anything like Lila, or Rita, or Lumen. Right, Dex. Keep telling yourself that.

Deb gets Jake’s body exhumed, but since the body wasn’t embalmed, there’s no way to get tissue evidence. She later has lunch (aka Scotch) with Sal and they talk about something really important, I’m sure. Here are my notes on this scene: Deb meets up with Sal, blah blah blah.

So, while Hannah gives Sal his interview (and does a great job of selling the whole “I was an unwitting accomplice” cover story).
Seriously, why don't you cry about it? Oh, she is? Well...good.
Dexter snoops around Sal’s apartment. There he finds some DNA—his toothbrush and floss, you sickos—and also decides to destroy all of Sal’s writing on Hannah. As if he’d keep a single copy of all his notes on one computer. Hasn’t he heard about external hard drives? Or Dropbox? (shameless plug)

After an afternoon of breaking and entering, Dex has lunch at a random restaurant, where Issak pays him a visit. They look at each other menacingly. Dex makes a lame coyote vs roadrunner analogy and Issak gives Dexter money for a single french fry (he calls it a “chip” but I know my foreign slang).

That evening, Sal pays Dex a visit for the interview. But Dexter is more interested in telling Sal how he’s gonna frame him for random-murdered-girl’s death. Sal gets pissed when he hears about this. So mad he has a heart attack and smacks his head off Dexter’s coffee table. But if you’ve been playing along, the type of poison Hannah uses causes a heart attack. Happy coincidence? I think not. Sal is dead, and Deb is pissed.

They bring Hannah in for questioning the next morning. Deb does her best to get Hannah to crack, but she doesn’t budge. She instead tells Deb a saying her grandma used to say. Something about cheaters never win with two in the bush while making the heart grow fonder. They let her go. Deb is confident Sal’s tox-screen will show the poison in his system.
Favorite worst line this episode: "My grandma was never wrong."
Dex leaves work and pays Hannah a visit. She says she saw an opportunity to kill Sal, and she took it. He was going to write a book about her, after all. Dex is concerned they’ll find the poison in Sal’s system, but Hannah assures him there won’t be enough to detect. She put the poison on his pen. Get it? Poisoned pen? Get it?! Sal writes with a poison pen! Oh, this show is so poetic sometimes. (Is that sarcasm? Even I can’t tell.)

Dex tells her the book is gone, he’s deleted the only copy known to man. And no one can recover those files. Ever. This show, sometimes it makes me want to punch things.

Oh, and Hannah’s husband didn’t want to have kids. He wanted her to get an abortion. So she killed him. And then she miscarried. Whoops.

Then they fuck.

Elsewhere, Quinn gives Angel $10,000 to start his restaurant because I officially don’t care.

Deb goes through Sal’s belongings and finds his tape recorder. Matsuka stops by to deliver the bad news: no poison detected in Sal’s system.

And in “this will end badly” news, LaGuerta keeps investigating the BHB, and comes across Dexter’s name on some marina manifest. Or something.

As Dex sleeps over at Hannah’s, he gets a call from Deb. She’s listened to Hannah’s sobbing confession on Sal’s recorder. Deb wants Dexter to kill Hannah because she’s in a bad mood because she didn’t get to screw Sal before he died. But, to be fair, isn’t that why we’re all in a bad mood about 90% of the time?

Deb, I'm kind of in the middle of Hannah--



Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

Lilith help me, I want to stake the second episode of True Blood!

Episode 2: Authority Always Wins Well here we are again, time to sink our twin hard-ons into the new episode! Before I get into the thick of things, again I must let you know HERE BE MASSIVE SPOILERS. And I’m going to recap this by the characters instead of a timeline account, because not much happens in this episode.