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2 Broke Girls recap: And the Big Opening

Oh, that's right: two all-new, back-to-back episodes of 2 Broke Girls!! This means twice the work for me, but hey, I like it, and I hope you do, too.

Max and Earl are playing "Marry, Sleep With, or Kill: Diner Edition." Caroline comes in and Max tells her to join them. At first Caroline says she'd kill herself if she slept with anyone in the diner, but then she comes around and says she'd sleep with Earl and marry Max. "Not us! Jeez. What are you, a freak?" Max says. "You said it was just a game!" Caroline says. "I'm not in love with you, back off!" Max taunts as she walks away.

Caroline is excited that the RSVP list for the grand opening of Max's Homemade Cupcakes is at capacity. "We might even be overbooked, because in my experience, even when guys say they're not gonna come, they do," Max says. Not surprisingly, I do know what she means. Han comes in telling Caroline that booth two has been waiting for service for ten minutes. "And Han knows how frustrating that is, 'cause he's been waiting to be serviced for years," Max mocks. Caroline says she needs Max's guest list names ASAP because she got a bouncer from a local club, having told him it was a charity event for eczema. Sophie walks into the diner saying her dream house in Poland is done, and shows the girls a picture. She also announces that she'll leave to Poland for a month after the girls' opening party. Oleg is surprised at first, but soon realizes it will be nice to have some time away from the "old ball and chain," which Sophie somehow lost in her... Uh, never mind.

Caroline is handling the final arrangements for the cupcake shop when Max walks in with her hair blown out. "I'd figured I finally see what all the fuss about getting blown is," she says. A "gay, black, and definitely not boring" man named Nevel comes in saying he's the doorman, and when he asks what charity he's working for, Max says it's eczema, while Caroline says it's undescended testicles. "People with eczema and undescended testicles," Caroline completes. Max gives Caroline her guest names, which consists of all of her ex-boyfriends, including Robbie and Johnny. For those who are not familiar, Robbie was Max's skeezy but very hot boyfriend, with whom she broke up after she caught him cheating on her in the very beginning of season 1. As for Johnny, well... if you read my recaps of last season's finale, you probably remember him.

Caroline explains that the invited guests were all supposed to be business contacts. "For the record, these guys have all had contact with my business,", Max replies. "That's what success is for, to say 'suck it' to people who dumped you. 'See my blown-out hair? Suck it! See my cool cupcake shop? Suck it! See these in this blouse? You wish you could suck it,'" she adds. Andy shows up, and Caroline goes to talk to him while Max practices her "suck it" face in the mirror. Caroline doesn't like that Andy is wearing a sweater for the big night, so she tells him to run home and put on a suit. The girls turn on their lighted arrow sign as Sophie, Oleg, and a bunch of guests turn up at the party.

This is her "suck it" face

The party is a success—there's a line all the way down the hall. The bouncer, Nevel, tells the girls that the fire marshal won't let any more guests in until people leave. Max tells him that it's very important to let in "any guy who looks hot, but you know would screw you over." Andy comes back wearing the same sweater, and Caroline is turned on by his unwillingness to let her control him. Han shows up and says his name is on the list, but Nevel won't let him in because the party is at capacity. Robbie comes in looking for Max; Caroline asks if he remembers her, but he doesn't remember a thing as he was wasted the whole time, so he just assumes they had sex. He did hit on her when Max wasn't home, but she wasn't into him (her exact words back then were, "Back up, Jersey Shore").

Max is in the kitchen prepping the cupcakes, and when Robbie walks in, she starts making her "suck it" face (he thinks she has a toothache, though). He admits to being an alcoholic, and now that he's in the AA program, he went after Max to make "almonds" (yes, he meant "amends"). He also apologizes for cheating on her and stealing money from her every time they had sex—and they had a lot of sex. "Well, this just went from 'suck it' to 'it sucks', so lift up your shirt. I gotta get something out of tonight," Max orders. And he does so. "Money well spent," she says as she leaves the kitchen.

"Just found out I paid for more sex than an Arab businessman," Max says. Just when Caroline suggests telling Nevel to keep Johnny out, he comes in, without his wife. Of course, considering their past, this catches Max off guard. Johnny asks to talk to her in the hall, where he tells her he never got married. Han is also outside, trying to get their attention because he can't get into the party, so the two go into Andy's candy store, and Johnny reveals he called off the wedding because she wasn't the one. As Han starts banging on the store window, they go into the stock room and proceed to make out. A box pops open and candy falls on them. "Greatest night of my life!" Max exclaims

The morning after, Caroline and Andy are in the kitchen making chocolate chip pancakes when Max and Johnny come out of the bedroom. Caroline is skeptical about Max getting back together with Johnny. Johnny decides to fill Andy in on the whole story—how he and Max never really got together because he had a girlfriend with whom he would later break up, and by the time he saw Max again, he was engaged to be married to a different girlfriend. While he is explaining the situation, Max stuffs pancakes in Caroline's "pancake hole" for every judgmental bit she says.

Johnny goes to the bathroom, and Caroline tells Max that "as far as the 'suck it' plan goes, it looks like somebody sucked something." LMAO! Andy reckons that Johnny seems like he falls in love a lot, adding that while Max is an A, he kind of seems like a B. "Minus," Caroline completes. Max, however, is convinced that she's clearly a D and she doesn't think he falls in love a lot. I'm sorry, what? Of course you're an A, don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise! Johnny comes out of the bathroom saying he loves pancakes so much he would marry one if he could, proving Andy's point.

It's the first day of the shop's opening, but no one shows up, and the girls have to sell 70 cupcakes a day to keep on track. Caroline assumes people are tired from the opening party. Max turns the arrow sign on and off twice, but still no one comes in. Later that night at the diner, Caroline points out that they only sold four cupcakes that day, and all were to Johnny, meaning they'll have to sell 140 cupcakes the next day. Max realizes she's made a terrible mistake getting back with Johnny: "It's different now that he's available. Maybe I'm the kind of person who only wants something they can't have, and then when they get it, they don't want it anymore." Sadly, this is exactly the kind of person I am as well. Caroline asks if she feels the same way about the cupcake shop, and Max replies that she loves it.

Johnny walks into the diner, and Caroline warns Max that she can't change her mind about him now that he's their only customer. Max and Johnny go to the kitchen to talk; he thinks they're either going to have crazy kitchen sex or he's getting expelled. She says things between them feel weird, and he agrees. Han pops up from the freezer, so Max kicks the door shut. She concludes that they're only at their best when he has another girlfriend. Max jokes that he should call her at his 50th wedding anniversary, before they kiss each other goodbye. Max has such a bittersweet look on her face in this scene. After Max finally opens the freezer door, Han is pissed off and says that when he ever has a party, she won't be on the guest list. But when Max agrees that she deserves it, Han admits he was doing a power move and begs her to come. "We'll see. I might be a little too busy with my big, successful cupcake shop, so suck it," she replies.

Current total: $5,328.00

Be sure to stick around for my recap of this week's other episode, "And the Silent Partner," or else I swear I'll personally stuff something really nasty in your pancake hole.


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