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2 Broke Girls recap: And the High Holidays

Max and Caroline have booked the first private party in their cupcake shop. "You said it was a private party, and this is a party I keep near my privates," Max says as she drinks from a flask. Caroline is so excited she decides to do some white-girl dance. "That's the exact same dance you did when the Humane Society sent you free puppy address labels," Max recalls. Turns out it's a children's party, where Max and Caroline are wearing the same cupcake costumes from last episode, while the children are screaming and throwing food around. Caroline tells them to quiet down, but instead, a girl smears Caroline's face with icing and everyone laughs, including Max. A boy smears Max's face too, and she does the same thing back to him. "It's weird how sex is so great, and yet, it makes these," Max points out. True dat.

Andy walks into the diner with a box of candy canes. He asks if there's a problem with their shop, because the landlord told him the girls hadn't paid their rent, so he offers to help them. When Max is about to say they don't have money for that, Caroline interrupts her and lies about having trouble with online payments. "Just tell him the truth—we can't pay our rent, life sucks, and you need wine before oral," Max says. Caroline assures there's no need as they still have two other private parties set up for the month: a quinceañera for a pregnant girl and then her baby shower (damn). Max jets to make a mysterious cupcake delivery; she also got some cash from a cupcake run the night before. Caroline gets suspicious, so she decides to follow Max to a seedy apartment building, but when she turns arounds, it's not Max, but rather this weird-ass dude:

Don't trust the stoner in apartment 34

"Did you actually think that was me? My beard is much thicker," Max says as she shows up behind Caroline. She reveals that for the last few nights, her dealer calls her and she sells cupcakes to munchy stoners. Caroline says it's illegal, but Max explains that she's just selling cupcakes to make their rent. Caroline disapproves of pot, as it "makes people lazy and lethargic, and drains all one's ambitions." "God, you're fun," Max snarks. They go to the apartment of Max's dealer, Keefer, who's having a little pot party. After Keefer gives them a hundred bucks for the cupcakes, Caroline realizes she overreacted, and they're not doing anything illegal.

All of a sudden, a SWAT team shows up and bursts into one of the apartments. "Put the meth down! Put the meth down!" one of the cops orders. They soon bring out the long-haired guy Caroline mistook for Max before. A girl cries outside the apartment, saying she had told him not to get involved with drugs. The man tells her to shut it as the SWAT guys take him away. Caroline is shocked and can't believe what just happened. As one might expect, she is instantly put off the idea of selling cupcakes to stoners.

After selling a dozen cupcakes to a woman whose cat died, Max jokes that all they need now is for 72 more cats to die. Caroline says they just have to send out positive energy and the universe will provide. That's when Han walks in, saying he was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by and say hello. Usually, Max would tell him to never do that again, but since their shop was struggling that day, she attempts to push as many cupcakes as possible to him. Caroline gets a call from that pregnant girl cancelling the quinceañera/baby shower because she can't afford it. "We should have seen it coming, she couldn't afford condoms either," Max mocks. She says she will call Keefer and try to do more cupcake runs, but Caroline says it's dangerous, and instead decides to ask Andy to lend them some money. She eventually changes her mind, though, because he's her boyfriend: "It's not like borrowing money from family. You don't sleep with your family." "Not all families are the same, Caroline," Max says.

Max suddenly notices the landlord outside, so she tells Caroline to lock the door, turn off the lights and duck down. The girls and Han crawl over to the kitchen. The plan backfires when the landlord starts using a key to open the front door, so Max tells Caroline to go out through the window ("If he can't see us, he can't evict us"). Caroline notes it's a little high, but she jumps out anyway, and is soon followed by Max. The landlord comes into the kitchen and finds Han standing there awkwardly.

At home, while looking for loose changes, Caroline finds a bag of pot in Max's purse, which Keefer gave to Max as a Christmas present. Caroline tells Max to get rid of that "giant, illegal, fat sack of weed." Max jokes that's going to take her at least 45 minutes to smoke all that, but Caroline insists she's comfortable with that "fat sack of weed." "Stop saying 'fat sack of weed,' you're like someone's dad overusing the word 'awesome,'" Max says. She puts it up next to the half a Vicodin she was saving for New Year's, but the whole bag accidentally falls into the pot of butter she was using to make cupcakes. "Maybe this is the universe's way of telling you to stop doing drugs," Caroline suggests. "Or is it telling us to sell them?!" Max says, having an epiphany.

After making the pot cupcakes, Caroline is afraid that the neighbors might smell the pot, freaking out at the thought of someone calling the cops. "Chill out! How can someone be this paranoid before they're high?" Max says. She asks Caroline to taste one of the cupcakes, but Caroline says she doesn't do pot because it totally changed her personality when she tried it in college. "Then please have some pot right now," Max insists, saying she needs Caroline to taste it and tell her how it is, because at this point, everything Max puts in her mouth tastes like pot. Caroline ends up liking it, and suggests selling them for 15 apiece, but panics when someone knocks on the door, thinking it's the cops. Turns out it's just Sophie, who's complaining of killer cramps. As soon as she recognizes the smell of pot, she gets super excited and helps herself with a cupcake, which seems to cure her cramps.

The girls deliver the pot cupcakes to a tech guy, Judah. Max points out that Caroline hasn't spoken the entire way over there. Although Caroline says it hasn't changed her at all, she soon becomes morbid and pessimistic, saying things like, "We're all gonna die." As he opens the door, Judah says he's so happy that Max called. "And we're so happy you're addicted to marijuana," Caroline says. "We get it, you're the one not-fun stoner," Max tells Caroline. Caroline, who has fully morphed into her stoner personality, rambles about being tired of pretending it's all going to be okay, and starts freaking out Judah's friends. Judah says they'll just get some food in her, and he has a friend coming over with pizza. "Guys, I'm sorry about her, it's like bringing your mother to a strip club. Not for me, that'd be like taking my mom to work," Max quips. "Strippers, how about their lives? They got no way out," Caroline laments. "Can I talk to you before you start performing an acoustic ballad about strippers with moles?" Max says. HAHAHAHA! She asks Caroline what is happening with her, and Caroline confesses she was lying when she said they would make it. The pizza guy shows up, and—surprise!—it's Andy. Caroline's sole reaction is to throw the box with the cupcakes out the window. When Andy asks what she is doing there, a speechless Caroline runs out the window through the fire escape.

The next day, Max tells Caroline she called her around 4 a.m. from an IHOP in Greenpoint, and when Max picked Caroline up, she was covered in syrup yelling, "The Mayans were right! The Mayans were right!" Caroline also called Andy, Earl, and Oleg. Andy offers to give Caroline a check, which she turns down, even though she's thankful. Caroline tells Max she didn't want to take money from a man she's sleeping with. "Wait, are you telling me there are women who don't take money from men they're sleeping with?" Max says, before showing the Christmas decoration she brought to put up in the shop.

Earl, Han, and Oleg walk into the shop. After Caroline stoned dialed Earl and told him that she and Max couldn't pay their rent, the guys decided to chip in $500 and give it to the girls. Caroline says she can't take it, but Han insists because they're family, which moves her. In return, Max treats the guys to some "special" cupcakes. While putting up the Christmas decoration, Caroline concludes to Max that she thinks they're going to make it after all. "I like not-stoned Caroline. We're gonna keep you off the drugs," Max says. "You mean because I'm more positive?" Caroline asks. "No, 'cause we may have to sell your urine for next month's rent, and I'm gonna need that pee clean," Max replies.

Current total: $100.00

See you guys back on January 14, 2013. Happy Holidays! And remember, kids: don't do drugs. That is, not without inviting me first, duh!


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