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2 Broke Girls recap: And the New Boss

Max tells Caroline she's going to the bathroom to look in the mirror and make sure she's still "dead in the eyes," leaving Caroline in charge of Max's section. Just a few seconds in, a customer starts choking. "What do you do when a girl is choking?!" Caroline asks, panicking (as expected from her). "I just back up a few inches," Oleg replies from the kitchen. Oh, God. Luckily, Max comes out of the bathroom right on time and gives her the Heimlich maneuver. "Feel free to tip me what you think your life's worth," Max tells the woman. "I feel 3 bucks coming my way," Max jokes to Caroline as they walk away.

Han is very upset that Caroline is late again. "She better not use your new cupcake shop as an excuse this time, 'cause sista, that crap ain't gonna fly," he says. "First of all, stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry movie. And secondly, Caroline's here, she's in the kitchen," Max replies as Caroline finally shows up, without Han noticing. "Oh, really? 'Cause when I was in there, you told me she was out here. You play me, fool!" Han says. "Stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry sequel," Max says. Basically, Max and Earl help Caroline trick Han into believing she was in the kitchen just a couple minutes earlier, after she got out of the ladies' room. Caroline—who really was out working at the cupcake shop—suggests they get an intern to help. "We just have to post an ad online at NYU or Columbia, and we'll have 20 applicants battling it out to do our grunt work for credit," she explains. "You make it sound like The Hunger Games: College Edition," Max replies, saying she's against getting people to work for free. Andy shows up and Caroline runs to kiss him. He asks Caroline if they're getting together after she gets off work, but she says she and Max still have to run a few errands at the cupcake shop, so Andy suggests getting an intern, like he did when he opened his shop. He also informs the girls that he saw rat droppings (ew) at their store, and advises them to set up some traps. Max half-heartedly suggests hiring an intern to do that.

Max and Caroline are interviewing girls to be their intern, starting with Ruth (played by Saturday Night Live alumna Abby Elliott), a ditzy sophomore majoring in finance at NYU. Ruth expresses excitement, but Max keeps constantly reminding her that she's not getting paid. After asking Ruth to go over to the waiting room, Caroline calls Max out on putting Ruth off being their intern. To make matters worse, Max accidentally mentions the rats, which prompts two girls to leave. Caroline insists that they need an intern. Sophie swings by to bring the girls flowers for good luck (which she eventually takes back for fear the rats might poop in it), after Oleg describes the situation as Rat Central Station, scaring off a few candidates. Oleg runs in in a '70s-style jogging suit, carrying a box full of rat traps, which scare off even more candidates. Sophie thinks the place looks unappealing, and Caroline says they have some old-school ice cream tables and chairs on hold at a Staten Island junkyard.

After Sophie and Oleg leave, Caroline approaches the three remaining candidates: Ruth, Molly and some girl who just leaves before Caroline can say anything else. "Standing in front of me I see two beautiful, qualified young women," Caroline says, channeling her inner Tyra Banks. "Is she really going all Top Model right now?" Molly asks. "If only, they pay," Max replies. Ugh, gotta love the America's Next Top Model reference. "I'm out, Tyra," Molly announces as she leaves, earning Ruth the spot. Caroline congratulates Ruth and asks Max to get her started on something. Ruth is on the phone telling someone she got the internship, and Max feels uncomfortable acting like a boss, so she decides to do it herself.

Who... will be eliminated... tonight?

Max ridicules Caroline for looking like an autistic ballerina while they're painting the walls. In response, Caroline says Max is a lousy boss, after she let Ruth go to a concert instead of working. "Can I ask you something?" Caroline says. "I don't like Maroon 5. No matter how many times you ask, the answer will always be no," Max replies. I share your sentiments, girl. Is it weird, though, that I feel equally annoyed and turned on by Adam Levine? Anyway, Caroline is wondering if she should tell Andy not to come over that night because she's exhausted, or if it's a little too early in the relationship for this kind of thing. "It's fine. You don't think he'd enjoy a night off from constant Maroon 5 badgering? He would," Max says. Caroline concludes that it feels awkward and she doesn't want to have that conversation right now. Max brings up the fact that someone has yet to order Ruth to put down rat traps for free. "We have a box right here that's not touched," Caroline says. "We're not talking about your relationship anymore," Max retorts. LOL.

Suddenly, Max sees a rat crawling across and starts freaking out. Caroline shriekingly asks where she saw the rat, and Max tells her to quiet down because she doesn't him to hear her. "How do you know it's a he?" Caroline asks. "He looked at me kind of rapey," Max replies. Caroline wonders if they should call the cops, and Max suggests they call an exterminator in the morning. Caroline, in an act of desperation, decides to beat the rat repeatedly to death with her paint roller. "I just got a glimpse of you at a Barneys sample sale," Max says.

Yes, I laughed, sue me

At the girls' apartment, after hearing Caroline moaning hysterically in the living room, Max rushes out of her room, only to find Caroline and Andy having sex. "I forgot Andy was here! And your sex voice is the same as your murder voice!" Max says. "So are you just gonna stand there?" Caroline asks. "Are you offering me a threeway?" Max asks back. The intercom rings. "Well, it looks like we're about to be a full-blown orgy," Max says. It's Ruth, who shows up after Caroline texted her ordering her to give Max an enema, as Caroline says Max has to put Ruth in her place so she can learn how to be a boss. "I learned it while interning at Condé Nast. We've all gotten someone an enema in the middle of the night, it's a rite of passage," Caroline explains. "For someone to get their passage right?" Andy quips. Ruth gives Max a bag of enemas, saying they only had the triple pack. Max, however, chickens out on telling her off and instead thanks her for it.

The next day, Max is setting up rat traps at the store while Ruth watches. After Max allows Ruth to have a coffee break, Caroline shows up with a blown-up version of their Martha Stewart blurb to paste up on the wall, and upon noticing Ruth is absent, she asks Max where she is. Max attempts to stall Caroline, but Caroline soon realizes Max is "Haning" her. When Ruth comes back, Caroline orders her to put the rat traps down, and the stupid bitch gets her finger snapped by a rat trap.

Max and Caroline go to the Staten Island junkyard to pick up their tables and chairs. "Look at this cage. I think my mom used to dance in it," Max says. Ruth was supposed to be there an hour ago, so Caroline borrows Max's phone and texts her asking where she is, all in caps. When Ruth texts back saying she's can't come over because she's not feeling well, Caroline tells Max to fire her. "She said she was sick, Condé Nasty," Max says, but Caroline is convinced that Ruth is just taking advantage of them because Max is a pushover to her. They get an accidental text from Ruth, referring to one of the girls as the "dumb one" and planning to meet someone at a bar. Caroline says Ruth called Max the dumb one, while Max claims otherwise. The girls start arguing about who will fire her. Finally, Max admits that she knows Ruth called her the dumb one, but even though she wants to fire her, she can't because she feels blocked. "Wish you had your enemas now, don't you?" Caroline snarks.

As Max and Caroline are pulling chairs out, a fuckload of rats comes out from underneath, causing the girls to panic. Caroline ends up falling into the rats (I always laugh so hard when this kind of thing happens to her). Though still panicking, Max somehow achieves superpowers and rescues Caroline by throwing the rats off her. Caroline's foot gets caught under a large piece of metal, which Max lifts up with one hand, leaving Caroline amazed. "And now I'm gonna fire that bitch!" Max exclaims as she finally regains her usual fierceness (not to sound like Tyra or anything).

Ruth arrives late for work. After Caroline finally convinces Max that she is the boss, Max gives Ruth a piece of her mind: "In addition to being a boss, I am also a waitress. But when I do my job, I don't call people dumb. All right, I do, but at least it's to their face." Ruth tries to fool her saying she meant Caroline was the dumb one, but Max knows she meant her, because she's not dumb and neither is Caroline. "And one thing I figured out is that in business, maybe I have to be a little more ruthless, meaning no more Ruth, you're fired," Max completes. Ruth babbles something about not getting college credit and possibly getting kicked out of school again (all in a rather phony way), then leaves. Caroline says she's really proud of how Max stuck up for herself. "You're fired! Sorry, I can't stop," Max jokes. Caroline celebrates their Martha Stewart blurb as she finishes pasting it up on the wall. Shit's getting real.

Current total: $7,328.00


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