Skip to main content

Songs That Won't Set Any Mood for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming up and I hope you have plans. Like a fat hooker named Marta coming in from Youngstown to knead your flesh like dough. Perhaps you will dine on a tub of better alone, weeping. Or perhaps you are one of those fortunate people who will be celebrating love with the one you love.  Anyway: Godspeed.



:)

Last year, we all made our Valentine's Day playlists, some in jest and some in earnest. This year- I'm trying a different approach (and solo I guess). 

So, if you want to establish a truly romantic experience, please avoid these songs by any means:


Michael Bolton need not touch anyone ANYWHERE. Plus, who the hell says "can I touch you there?" midsex? Really? No! Get away from my elbow!!!!

Would you kick that man out of bed for his dreads? All I can think about is "Bruno."

"Puppy Love" will not get you laid. FYI.



Depressing music should be avoided. Or whatever. It's your call bro.

Nico should also be avoided, unless your Valentine's Day plans involve falling down a well. 

AND, OF COURSE

Who could forget this classic from Eamon? Who could forget Eamon? ....


Enjoy your Valentine's Day kids! Remember:  Use protection! And no one likes crabs but in salads! 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist.  "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

Appropriate Holiday Gift Ideas for the Single Lady

While some people may see it as a drag, there are plenty of benefits to being single during the holiday season. During this time of the year, there are tons of parties you can attend that you may not have had the opportunity to if you were in a relationship. There’s also not as much stress on you as a single gal during the holidays because you don’t have to shop for your partner and extended family members  or  stress over where to eat Christmas dinner.  Not everyone sees the bright side of being fancy free during the holidays, and, tragically, they aren't afraid to let us single ladies know. Not only are single women subjected to even more harassment and ridicule during the holiday season, they’re also given the most obnoxious gifts by those who can’t comprehend how anyone can be both happy and single. Whether it’s a self-help book (desperately) trying to reinforce how great is to be single or the gift of a year-long subscription to Match.com , single women are presented with

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it