Skip to main content

2 Broke Girls recap: And the Worst Selfie Ever

First of all, exciting news for us, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 fans: ABC announced on Thursday that the eight unaired episodes of the show will be available online starting May 17 on, iTunes, and Hulu! I can't wait! I'm so glad I'll finally get some much-deserved, post-cancellation closure. In the meantime, here's my belated recap of this week's episode of the recently renewed 2 Broke Girls.

The girls are excited about their purchases at the Under a Dollar store—Caroline bought new sheets, while Max got herself a steak and a "steak-eating chair." However, Caroline accidentally rips her sheets after using fabric softener to wash it. "Thread count: Yes. Washing instructions: Do not wash," Caroline reads from the tag. Max's chair also rips when she sits on it. "Instructions: Do not sit," Max reads from the label. That is some weird-ass store.

In the morning, Max wakes up to find a candy trail outside her bedroom. She is soon surprised to find Caroline in bed with Andy. After he goes to the bathroom, Max asks Caroline if they're back together, but Caroline claims it's just a one-time thing. As Caroline gets out of bed wrapped in her sheets, Max calls her "the Greek goddess of booty calls, Aphro-whitey." Andy has to leave, and Caroline is not sure how to behave in this situation since it's her very first booty call, so she asks Max for advice. "I usually wave at him with my arm clenched, 'cause I'm hiding his wallet in it," Max says. Caroline ends up awkwardly saluting him goodbye.

Caroline wants to text Andy for another booty call after work, followed by a "booty breakfast." "As president of the Casual Sex Society, local chapter, I call bull on your booty," Max says. Caroline insists it's just a booty call, but Max knows better: "You think that booty breakfast will maybe lead to a booty dinner then maybe booty engaged and booty married and have a couple booty kids and a booty retirement home and then booty die together." Suddenly, Caroline begins to clench her legs, saying she feels something down there. "You woke it up, now it's hungry. But you don't take it back to the same restaurant," Max wisely says.

Han comes in wearing a suit and bow tie—he is expecting a date he met online. A blonde girl walks into the diner looking for Han, but as soon as she sees him, she realizes she left something in her car and tells him she will be right back. Han wonders if she's coming back. "Jesus is coming back before she is," Earl replies. A heartbroken Han insists their profiles matched perfectly, so the girls look at his profile. "That's the hot Asian star from Hawaii Five-0," Caroline says. Max decides to help him find the right girl. Caroline wants to text Andy about getting back together, but Max breaks the news to her that he is seeing someone—well, a few someones. Caroline connects her itch to those possible lady friends of his.

Back in the apartment, Caroline browses WebMD in order to figure out her situation. Max is particularly appalled by a photo submitted by Jen from New Rochelle. Caroline says it's just a rash, although Dr. Web thinks it might be herpes. Since Caroline can't bend over to see it, Max offers to take a look, but Caroline doesn't feel comfortable showing Max her vagina, and instead decides to take a selfie with her iPhone 3. "And that's how Kim Kardashian became famous," Max points out. Caroline even uses a filter on the photo before letting Max see it. When Sophie drops by, she immediately notices that Caroline has the "herp walk." She offers to check it out as well, as she was a nurse back in Poland. Max shows her the picture, and Caroline decides she will go to a free clinic.

At the free clinic, Caroline tells the sassy black receptionist, Shirley, that she needs to be tested for herpes. Upon learning that the blood test costs $250, Caroline decides to ask Andy for a loan. If that wasn't tragic enough, Max runs into a really cute but somewhat sketchy guy she hooked up with once, prompting her to grab a sexual history form to possibly get tested, too.

While waiting for Andy at a coffee shop, Max is having a comically hard time tracking her sexual history list. Andy comes in and Caroline shows him the picture of her presumably infected vagina, which Max calls the "worst selfie ever." Meanwhile, Max herself is unsure whether she slept with the bartender. "He is my type, and yet, he has a job, so he's not." Andy assures that since they broke up, he has only had safe sex with two women. He says he will go get tested nonetheless, and advises Caroline not to go to the worst-case scenario. She is convinced that if they both have herpes, no one else will want them, so they might as well get married. "'You gave me herpes, now you have to marry me.' You wanna save that gold for our wedding vows?" Andy jokes. "If you don't use it, I will," Max says.

At the diner, Caroline is anxious about her test results, having already called the clinic a dozen times. Shirley walks in, and even though she's not allowed to give Caroline the results without a doctor, she finds a way of telling her in codes that she is clean and it was probably an allergic reaction to the cheap fabric softener she used to wash her sheets. As for Max, she will go to the clinic the next day as she is waiting for a call back from John Mayer (LOL). Another girl walks into the diner looking for Han—it's the girl Max set him up with. And she's none other than Jen from New Rochelle. Caroline is in shock, but Max jokes that it could just be an allergic reaction to her laundry detergent.

Max comes home with her test results—surprisingly enough, she is totally clean. She helps Caroline realize that ever since the cupcake business closed, she is using Andy to fill a hole (cue double entendre). Caroline declares that they have to restart their business, and this time, they have to give it their all. Sophie shows up with a solution to Caroline's problem: "Just don't tell anyone!" Caroline says she doesn't have herpes, to which Sophie replies, "That's it! That's the way to do it! Problem solved."

Current total: $205.00


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

3 New Lana Songs Come Out From Upcoming Album "Blue Banisters"

Not even that far off from "Chemtrails Over The Country Club" being released this past March, Lana Del Rey dropped three new singles off her upcoming project, "Blue Banisters." They include the title track, "Text Book," and "Wildflower Wildfire." All three songs seem to merge the worlds of "COCC" with "Norman Fucking Rockwell," specifically Lana's mouthful of a track "Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me To Have But I Have It." They also seem uncharacteristically more confessional than most of Lana's catalog to date, specifically "Wildflower Wildfire," which alludes to a conflict with her mother. She even starts the track with "Here's the deal," readying to show more of her backstory than she ever has in her decade-plus-long career. The three songs are gorgeous - especially "Text Book," which has a haunting quality to it (she mentions "Black Lives Matter" i

RIP Andy Warpigs

If you're even vaguely familiar with the Phoenix music scene to any extent, you probably knew Andy Warpigs. I saw them a few times at Yucca/Time Out Lounge when I was frequenting both spots a few years ago. Andy Warpigs was one of the most ubiquitous names you could come across, and with good reason - they were an incredibly prolific and talented artist, basically a Phoenix legend.  Unfortunately, over the weekend Andy Warpigs passed away - an extremely tragic loss. If you can possibly donate to the GoFundMe to help Andy's mom with funeral expenses , please do so.  Take care, Britt