SPOILERS
WHAT THE F*CK J.J.?
This concludes my review of Star Trek Into Darkness.
No but really…
So I got to see the new movie. Not the midnight showing
forum I desired, but all the same.
Right off the bat we are thrust into a situation in which
Spock is being lowered into an active volcano. It is at this time we get to
hear the famous, “needs of the many,” quote. This quote was one of the most
BEAUTIFUL and PASSIONATE moments in the entirety of the Star Trek series and is
clumsily rushed in as Spock is about to die. Alone. For a developing species which
KIRK ALREADY LEAD AWAY FROM DANGER, BY THE WAY.
It is because of this incident that the whole idea of the Prime
Directive gets brought up. Side note, the Prime Directive was nowhere near as
prominent in the Original Series as it was in Next Generation. Kirk’s action in
the Original Series actually contribute to the suring up of the boundaries of
the directive. The Prime Directive
dictates that there can be no interference with the internal development of
alien civilizations. They bring up the Prime Directive as they ARE NEUTRALIZING
A VOLCANO TO SAVE THE SPECIES. THUS BREAKING THAT VERY DIRECTIVE. Pike mentions
this paradox later. Perhaps to quell the anger generated from such a glaring
contradiction five f*cking minutes into the movie.
The Khan rumors were off and on for so long that when J.J.
Abrams said he wasn’t going to recreate the character, I BELIEVED HIM. Well he
lied. Khan is the villain in the movie. They kept it pretty well hidden until the second half (for anyone not
familiar with the Original Series). I went into the theater with the mindset, “J.J.
Abrams told me there wouldn’t be Khan, so there is no Khan.” SO YEAH, I was a
little taken off guard when the clues started piling up and he finally
announces his true identity to Kirk. I literally stood up in the theater and
screamed “NO!” The guy a few rows down was all about the character. At least I assumed so after witnessing his fist-thrust-of-triumph. I want to cut him. The actor who played Khan
was alright.
He was able to portray the pure evil nature of the character. That
whole teaming up with Kirk thing pissed me off. They get all chummy near
the middle of the movie when Khan reveals that Dr. Marcus has some sort of hidden motive. Luckily
Khan turns on Kirk and goes for the jugular. That was a sigh of relief.
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| Benedict Cumberbatch |
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| Bring it, b*tch. |
There was also this idea introduced during the movie that
Khan’s cells regenerated to the point of bringing dead tissue back to life. I
feel like this was a gross exaggeration of Khan's healing abilities, although I
suppose you could argue that Space Seed and Wrath of Khan (WOK hereafter) left
ALOT to the imagination concerning the genetic engineered super beings. The cameo by
the tribble was cute though.
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| It wont be long before plush versions of these lil' guys become available at your local Hot Topic! Then every pre-teen with their parents Mac card can hop on the f*cking bandwagon and be all like , "Spack is my faaaavorite super hero. I HEART STAR WARS!" F*ck all of you. |
When I first saw the leaked bits of the movie waaaay back in
the beginning of production I honestly thought the blonde woman was going to be
Yeoman Rand.
This character was a pretty big part of the Original Series. It was rumored that if the series had not been cancelled, Yeoman Rand and Captain Kirk would have become an item. So I had high hopes that she would get tied back in with her crew mates. Nope. It was Carol Marcus, but not Dr. Marcus as she was in WOK. Not yet at least. But her father was a Dr. (counts?)Oh yeah, and I guess SHE’S BRITISH IN THIS TIMELINE FOR SOME REASON? Whatever.
This character was a pretty big part of the Original Series. It was rumored that if the series had not been cancelled, Yeoman Rand and Captain Kirk would have become an item. So I had high hopes that she would get tied back in with her crew mates. Nope. It was Carol Marcus, but not Dr. Marcus as she was in WOK. Not yet at least. But her father was a Dr. (counts?)Oh yeah, and I guess SHE’S BRITISH IN THIS TIMELINE FOR SOME REASON? Whatever.
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| British ??? Not British |
I wasn’t thrilled with this character, but I gave it a
chance. After all, she created the Genesis Project and gave birth to Kirk’s
son. (Whaaaaa? SPOILERS) I do have to say though, I was kind of impressed (and a
little disturbed) by the beating this woman received from the Khan character. Not to sound sick, but Khan is the embodiment
of evil, if they had him hesitate when this lil’ blonde thing ran in-between
him and Kirk it would have been a sign of weakness and I would have one more
thing about this movie to be pissed at. So, she got her legs busted and got to see her dad’s
head get squashed like a grape.
The inverted death scene with Kirk and Spock was clever, but
I thought having Spock scream, “Khan!” was tacky. We get it.
Other things: Good and Bad
If you were familiar with the Wrath of Khan movie, a lot of
this movie was predictable. Slightly different perhaps, but inevitable.
THE KLINGONS WERE MADE TO LOOK LIKE B*TCHES IN THIS MOVIE.
One even had blue eyes… Uh, I like your colored contacts, d*ck wad.
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| This is NOT A KLINGON, J.J. |
Nimoy made and appearance. That was pretty cool. A breath of
fresh air, if you will.
Chekhov got a pretty big role in this movie. That was
awesome! His character in the Original Series did not have a chance to become
as developed as the others since he wasn’t introduced until the second
season. Fun fact.
At one point in the movie Scotty quits. Even though it
sucked to see him go (even if just for a little while) it was nice to see that he stuck
to his morals. They stayed true to the James Doohan character. When he does come back he manages to resurrect the Enterprise (per usual Scotty fashion) and keep her from plummeting to the earth. Those sneaky trailers had me believing she was destroyed like she was in Search for Spock.
I was a little bit annoyed when the characters in the movie
kept referring back to the first (J.J.) movie. Pike did it when he recalled
the bar scene he met Kirk at, Kirk did it when recalling the space jump, Spock
brought up Kirk’s repetitive disobedience... We saw the first movie. No need to keep reminding us about it.
Oh yeah, they killed Pike. It was sad but I suppose it’s
better than the alternative.
Spock and Uhura are still a thing. It’s a neat idea. I don’t
hate it entirely, but at one point Uhura is on the bridge asking if Spock made
it back to the ship and her voice wavers and her eyes tear up and KEEP IT
TOGETHER GIRL YOU ARE A MILESTONE CHARACTER AND A MEMBER OF STARFLEET.
Overall I give the movie a 7 out of 10.
(What? After allll
that hate, you’re giving it a 7?) I am giving it this rating based on the
fact that it was a good movie. Granted, there were some gaming plot holes, but It was a great theatrical production. If I were
to go into this movie knowing little to nothing about Star Trek, OTHER THAN what
I learned in the first re-boot, this movie is quite good. The characters were
well developed, the scenes were well shot, and the dialogue was believable.
But as a lifelong fan of the Original Series and a "Trekkie"... I had some issues with this movie. Issues that will fester deep within my subconscious only to surface years and years down the road in the form of Munchhausen by proxy or some sort of sexually frustrated sleep disorder. Thanks again J.J. can't wait to see the third movie (She says cradling a bottle of SoCo.) OH YEAH, AND ALL THE STAR WARS because for some reason you needed to control both franchises.
KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
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