Episode 9
The Rains of Castamere
There
is a reason I’ve been so tardy in getting this recap up. Because I
don’t want to write it. “The Rains of Castamere” was a
devastating hour of television. I know a lot of you feel the same
way. And this is from someone who has read the first three novels in
the series. Even though I knew what was coming, it still punched me
real hard in the gut.
For
those of you naysayers out there that say “They’re just fictional
characters/it’s just a tv show” get the fuck out right now. Wow,
I am defensive today! Must be the coffee.
Let’s
start with the less traumatic storylines, shall we?
Daenerys—Outside
Yunkai, Dany and her entourage, now including sexy-ugly double agent
Daario, debate strategy. The city is fortified to withstand a frontal
assault, so Daario suggests using the back door (must...resist...anal
sex joke...). It’s not as well guarded (depends on the back door
heyoooo), and since they think Daario is still on their side,
getting in should be easy (depends on the...well you get it).
Barriston
and Jorah don’t trust him, and Dany’s common sense is skewed
since Daario makes her weak in the vagina—er knees. So she asks
Grey Worm (commander of the Unsullied army), and he says he trusts
him.
So
he, Jorah and Dario set off for Yunkai’s poorly guarded back door
(tee hee, I’m sorry, trying to find the joy in this episode where I
can). Daario takes out the few guards at the door, and Grey Worm and
Jorah follow. What ensues is a pretty fantastic fight. Very well
choreographed. They battle wave after wave of soldiers.
The
trio return to Dany bloody and beaten, but still very much alive. The
city is hers.
Yunkai was a total power bottom, turns out.
Sam
& Gilly—There’s a short scene with Sam and Gilly, still
traveling behind the Wall. Sam says they’re west of Castle Black,
and close to the abandoned Nightfort, which was the original castle
back in the day. He tells her about a secret gate hidden within the
Fort that will allow them to travel underneath the Wall.
Gilly
looks at him in astonishment, surprised someone could get all that
knowledge from reading books. “You’re a wizard,” she says. Sam
gives her a look that says “oh you’re cute, but goddamn you’re
not that bright are you?” Well, if you were one of Craster’s
daughter-wives, Sam, you’d think you were a wizard, too.
Bran
& Jon Snow—“What’s this?” You’re probably thinking.
“Bran and Jon Snow reunited?” Sorry to disappoint, but you’ll
see why soon enough.
Bran
and his troop continue to Castle Black. They stop at the Gift, an old
watchtower deserted because of too many Wildling raids. (I believe,
more specifically the tower is called the Queenscrown, in the book
anyway.) Jojen warns that a storm is coming, so they decide to wait
it out in the tower.
Elsewhere
on the same side of the Wall, Jon and his Wildling companions come
upon a house with stables. It’s the Night’s Watch’s horse
breeder, Jon informs them. Giantsbane and Orell decide the best route
is to kill the man. Jon warns that killing him will only bring the
Crows off the Wall to hunt them down. Giantsbane explains that’s
exactly why they should kill him, less men to fight at Castle Black
itself.
With
Jon outvoted, the Wildlings race across the open field. Jon twangs
his sword against a rock as he runs, which in turns startles the
horses. Which in turn makes the horseman check on them. When he sees
the Wildlings coming for him, he hops on a horse and flees.
Thunder
rumbles outside of the tower where Bran, Jojen, and the rest ride out
the storm. Scared of the thunder, Hodor paces in the tiny space. Bran
argues with Osha again about crossing over the Wall. She says she
won’t go with him, but that was never Bran’s intent.
Meera
cautions them to quiet down, she spots a rider galloping quick to
their location. And he isn’t alone. The Wildlings overtake the old
horseman, a pull him off his horse, just as a huge clap of thunder
rolls across the land, scaring the shit out of Hodor.
Afraid
they’ll be heard, Bran pleads with Hodor to be quiet. And he
eventually does, when Bran uses his warg abilities to put Hodor to
sleep. Everyone—including Jojen—are stunned.
Outside,
Orell swears he can hear voices coming from the tower. Giantsbane
shrugs, jibing him that it’s probably ghosts. Besides, they have
more pressing issues to attend to, like the execution of this old
man. They get the bright idea to have Jon kill him, I guess as some
test of loyalty. Ygritte tries to reason with them, but Jon puts his
sword to the old man’s neck.
Jon
hesitates; he can’t go through with it. Ygritte fells the old man
with an arrow, and the shit hits the fan.
At
the same time, Jojen urges Bran to use his warg abilities on Summer,
his direwolf, to see what’s happening outside. Bran sees Jon
outnumbered—as Giantsbane has Ygritte pinned to the ground—and
Summer and Shaggydog (Rickon’s wolf) help a brother out by tearing
out some throats. Jon kills Orell, but not before the warg shunts his
mind into his eagle, which quickly descends and tears up Jon’s
pretty, pretty face.
He gets the bird off of him, and hops on a horse
and narrowly escapes. And Ygritte is pissed off.
That
night, after the Wildlings have continued on, Jojen tells Bran he’s
never seen someone use their warg abilities on a human. As far as he
knew it couldn’t be done. Which is why they have to seek out this
“three-eyed raven” from Bran’s dream.
Osha
again protests, but Bran is steadfast. She and Rickon are not coming
with them. He tells her to take Rickon and make for the Last Hearth,
where Stark bannermen still reside (for those wondering, it’s sort
of southwest of the Wall, with Karhold—where Theon is allegedly
held—being further west). Bran saying goodbye was heartbreaking.
For not getting a lot of scenes this season, Art Parkinson really
gives it his all, and only serves to get my tear ducts ready for
what’s to come.
The
Red Wedding—Okay, here we go. Let’s start with Arya and the
Hound, who totally forgot to RSVP by the way. He attacks a pig
merchant along the way to the Twins (the Frey’s castles) and steals
his wagon full o’ tasty piggies. His plan is to masquerade as the
pig merchant to get into the castle, then ransom Arya off to her
mother and brother.
They
arrive just outside the Twins , and the Hound goads Arya into making
break for it. She’s so close to her family again, the fear of not
making it must be dreadful.
Arya
turns to him, and says she knows his fear, and it certainly isn’t
pig feet. He’s scared of fire. That and when she gets the chance
she’s gonna put a sword “through one eye out the back of your
skull.” And this is why I am Team Arya all the way.
Meanwhile,
after Robb and Catelyn talk strategy of taking Casterly Rock, they
arrive at the Twins to stand before Walder Frey. You remember him
from the first season; the smarmy, vile, atrocious man with lots of
homely daughters. The same daughters he makes a show of as the Starks
and Freys eat salt and bread (so now neither side can harm one
another, because of tradition, sort of like a peace treaty).
See,
Walder is still ticked Robb stood up one of his many daughters for
the lovely Talisa. Robb offers his sincerest apologies; he fell in
love. And Walder seems to accept it, only he wants a better look at
his comely bride.
He
leers at her, staring her up and down, taking note of how well her
dress clings to her nubile form. Oh, and in case you were wondering,
I think Walder is even worse in the books.
They
have the wedding, and Edmure is beyond relived that his wife is
super-hot. At the reception, Catelyn chats with Lord Bolton, who also
married a Frey girl. Seems Walder offered any of his daughters and
their weight in gold as a dowry. So Bolton has a fat young bride. Oh
you! Cat also notices Bolton isn’t drinking. Guess that isn’t too
strange...
Across
the hall, Robb and Talisa start being all cute, but cut it short
because any PDA could be seen as an insult. Best not to anger the
creepy old man, who’s looking right at you.
Walder
announces it’s time for the bedding ceremony! Hooray! The crowd of
people get excited, the band playing a jaunty tune, and usher Edmure
and his bride to their beds to “christen” the wedding. Cat
recalls her own bedding ceremony, or lack thereof, to Bolton, who
smiles.
Talisa
asks Robb about this rather odd tradition; all he can do is shrug.
She tells him she thinks they should name their child Eddard if it’s
a boy. Awwww, that’s fucking adorable, right?
The
hall doors close, which confuses Catelyn. The band changes their tune,
to the “Rains of Castamere.”
Outside,
the Hound’s pig merchant ruse fails, seems they got there too late.
But Arya’s already in the courtyard, hoping to get in. But even she
notices something off about this night...
Well,
here we are guys, here’s the Red Wedding. I don’t know how
detailed I want to get, lest I have some GOTPTSD.
Cat
discovers Bolton has chainmail underneath his clothes. One of Frey’s
son’s stabs Talisa to death. Robb is shot with arrows. Cat hides
underneath a table, a their bannermen are killed in the hall and
outside.
Arya
witnesses the slaughter in the courtyard—as well as the execution
of Robb’s direwolf—before the Hound knocks her out and escapes
the Twins with her.
In
the hall Robb is miraculously alive. Cat grabs a knife and puts it to
Walder’s young wife’s throat, pleading with him to let Robb live;
they will forget this betrayal. Just let her son go.
Bolton
stabs Robb in the heart with a blade. Cat, grief-stricken, kills
Walders wife.
Walder’s
son comes up behind Catelyn and slits her throat.
End
of episode.
So,
I know a lot of you are angry, and sad, and are probably ready to
give up on the show. And I get that. But I’m telling you, we still
have one more episode this season, as well as the latter half of the
3rd book in season four. The things Game of Thrones has in
store for you are really great. I wish I could go into them further,
but spoilers and all.
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| I COULDN'T RESIST I'M SORRY I'M TERRIBLE |
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