"Slow Clap" - Gwen Stefani

As most of you know, I've been extremely skeptical of Gwen Stefani's solo career the past several years. And the skepticism has only increased as time has gone on. I like to think Blake Shelton was the final kiss of death, but I will say her last album did have some surprisingly awesome cuts. And "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" is a grower, and the music video is truly endearing.

HOWEVER. Gwen's second single off her yet untitled upcoming album …. woof. It's called "Slow Clap" and it's meant to be a story of resilience. Maybe? Possibly?

I don't know what to tell you about "Slow Clap." We all know that "the clap" is slang for a not-very-pleasant STI, and it seems like that's the closest thing Gwen achieves here. Even having "the clap" is infinitely more preferable than hearing this abomination of a song ever again. This isn't me trying to overexaggerate here. I have only been able to stomach listening to this song once. And I'm pretty open-minded - I LISTENED TO HER CHRISTMAS ALBUM, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

Honestly, this song sounds like it was rejected from a children's TV show soundtrack. Or maybe The Wiggles passed on it. I don't know. Gwen is capable of more fun songs than this, and this is ... well, something else, entirely. All last week, I had this weird mash-up of "Los Ageless" and "The Bananas in Pajamas" theme song in my head. I would listen to that ungodly mash-up before I ever decided to willingly listen to "Slow Clap" ever again.

I will say - not to be just purely negative here - that Gwen has some moments on this song where she almost reaches mediocrity. And, at the very least, I guess she really is embracing some of her weirdness, which is refreshing to see. But still. Let's hope the rest of the upcoming solo album is not like this. I will almost take another Blake Shelton duet over a song like this.

Almost.

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist. "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

Appropriate Holiday Gift Ideas for the Single Lady

While some people may see it as a drag, there are plenty of benefits to being single during the holiday season. During this time of the year, there are tons of parties you can attend that you may not have had the opportunity to if you were in a relationship. There’s also not as much stress on you as a single gal during the holidays because you don’t have to shop for your partner and extended family members or stress over where to eat Christmas dinner. Not everyone sees the bright side of being fancy free during the holidays, and, tragically, they aren't afraid to let us single ladies know. Not only are single women subjected to even more harassment and ridicule during the holiday season, they’re also given the most obnoxious gifts by those who can’t comprehend how anyone can be both happy and single. Whether it’s a self-help book (desperately) trying to reinforce how great is to be single or the gift of a year-long subscription to Match.com , single women are presented with

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it

The Useless Critic 2.0

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