"Slow Clap" - Gwen Stefani

As most of you know, I've been extremely skeptical of Gwen Stefani's solo career the past several years. And the skepticism has only increased as time has gone on. I like to think Blake Shelton was the final kiss of death, but I will say her last album did have some surprisingly awesome cuts. And "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" is a grower, and the music video is truly endearing.

HOWEVER. Gwen's second single off her yet untitled upcoming album …. woof. It's called "Slow Clap" and it's meant to be a story of resilience. Maybe? Possibly?

I don't know what to tell you about "Slow Clap." We all know that "the clap" is slang for a not-very-pleasant STI, and it seems like that's the closest thing Gwen achieves here. Even having "the clap" is infinitely more preferable than hearing this abomination of a song ever again. This isn't me trying to overexaggerate here. I have only been able to stomach listening to this song once. And I'm pretty open-minded - I LISTENED TO HER CHRISTMAS ALBUM, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

Honestly, this song sounds like it was rejected from a children's TV show soundtrack. Or maybe The Wiggles passed on it. I don't know. Gwen is capable of more fun songs than this, and this is ... well, something else, entirely. All last week, I had this weird mash-up of "Los Ageless" and "The Bananas in Pajamas" theme song in my head. I would listen to that ungodly mash-up before I ever decided to willingly listen to "Slow Clap" ever again.

I will say - not to be just purely negative here - that Gwen has some moments on this song where she almost reaches mediocrity. And, at the very least, I guess she really is embracing some of her weirdness, which is refreshing to see. But still. Let's hope the rest of the upcoming solo album is not like this. I will almost take another Blake Shelton duet over a song like this.

Almost.

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist. "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

"Anchors" - AM Higgins

Here's a nice breezy, almost sensual song from AM Higgins (the solo project of musician Annie Toth) to start your Tuesday off right. Her debut album "Hymning" will be out November 5th on Victorialand Records. The album was mixed by Casey Foubert, a frequent collaborator of Sufjan Stevens. The album "captures the first years of moving from an American city to rural France." Sounds like "Hymning" will be a welcome escape from the world we live in right now, especially considering that Annie Toth counts poets Mary Oliver and Thomas Merton as influences.

"Happy New Year"- Let's Eat Grandma

There's no way to start the New Year like some extremely upbeat music about the New Year! That's where this new synthpop-heavy single from the British duo Let's Eat Grandma comes into play. It's a delightful song, and it helps increase any excitement about their third album, "Two Ribbons," which will be out this April. I personally am looking forward to hearing more from Let's Eat Grandma, who deserve way more attention than they currently get. Hopefully, 2022 will be a big year for them. Here's one of their older tracks I quite like:

The Useless Critic 2.0

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