SCREAM 4

Courtney Cox:  I have nothing better to do with my career. might as well make another one of these!


David Arquette: Is that okay baby? I'm going to be doing blow off the production tech de whole time. We have an open marriage, right?


Courtney Cox:  Um. I have to make a phone call. (speed dial #6:  Jennifer Aniston)


GHOSTFACE *watching in background*:  WAHHHHHHH


Sarah Michelle Gellar:  I totally died in one of these films and haven't been in much since. BRB I'M GONNA GET HACKED TO DEATH IN THE SHOWER NOW


*goes to shower*
*is hacked*


GHOSTFACE:  Yes the shit is raw, comin at your door
Start to scream out loud, Wu-Tang's back for more.`

funeral scene

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I was supposed to be giving an eulogy but all I feel like saying is I'm dating the guy from the Old Spice commercials. That's it. RIP Sarah, you were so good in Buffy. 

Courtney:  This all feels very 1997.

David:  Right? Hold on baby, I'm going to go sleep with the florist.

Florist (think Michelle Rodriguez a la SLUT):  HAY BB.

Courtney:  (drawn-out middle aged white woman sigh)

Funeral Director (they do exist, don't they?):  Everyone, please go to the mall for the funeral party. Justin Bieber will be performing. 

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  WHY?

Funeral Director:  And please wear as little clothing as possible!

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  OKAY. COMMUNITY IS SUCH A GREAT SHOW.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I'm also signing my new book at the local Border's! Doesn't anyone care?

BITCH, BORDERS CLOSED.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  *sits behind a gravestone and cries*

Behind said gravestone, we see an Edinboro English student.

STUDENT:  I come to this cemetary to get inspiration for my ~art~. Look at all the Linkin Park and Smashmouth I have on my ipod!

NEVE:  Eww. (leaves in a Sedan)

GHOSTFACE:  AWHHHHHWWWWWWWW

STUDENT:  WUT! NO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WRITING MY CESTINA!

*is hacked*

at the Ashtabula Mall

JUSTIN BIEBER:  I'm here to make all the ladies feel real good and stuff.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Honey, I'm going to Hooter's and having a hooker sit on my face. Dat cool with you?

COURTNEY COX:  Whatever; I'm sleeping with the whole cast of COUGAR TOWN.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  I love you so much!

(while leaving, he runs into GHOSTY-FACE)

GHOSTFACE:  I ain't killing you! You have a mustache! Go give a lucky stripper a ride with that!

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Sweet!

note:  I know they are waitresses, not strippers.

JUSTIN BIEBER:  Baby, baby, baby....

GHOSTFACE:  WAHHHHHHHHHHH SICK OF HEARING THIS SONG ON THE RADIO

JUSTIN BIEBER is hacked.

NEVE CAMPBELL is alone at a mall kisok.

NEVE:  DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY GODDAMN SELF-HELP BOOK?

How to Exist in Hollywood With a Minimal Career and Date the Guy From the Old Spice Commercials.

ghost of DREW BARRYMORE:  Hey I like died in the first Scream. Avenge my death, Neve! Avenge, like, IT!

NEVE:  NO. GO BACK TO COVERGIRL.


DREW BARRYMORE:  ooh right. 


-

COURTNEY COX:  Ghostface, I need to go back to filming Cougar Town. 

GHOSTFACE: NO ONE WATCHES YOUR SHOW BITCH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

COURTNEY COX:  *after slapping Ghostface* NOT TRUE JENNIFER ANISTON SO DOES.

slap slap slap

slap

COURTNEY COX:  WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? I THOUGHT WE CAUGHT YOU IN THE LAST INSTALLMENT.

GHOSTFACE:  UM.

When Courtney rips off the mask of the Ghostface....

REBECCA BLACK?

COURTNEY:  What? I thought you LOVED Justin.

REBECCA *sobs*:  The internet hates me, and I am NOT dating the Old Spice guy. 

COURTNEY:  .......

(NOTE, I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY SCREAM MOVIES. HAHAHA)