Skip to main content

SCREAM 4

Courtney Cox:  I have nothing better to do with my career. might as well make another one of these!


David Arquette: Is that okay baby? I'm going to be doing blow off the production tech de whole time. We have an open marriage, right?


Courtney Cox:  Um. I have to make a phone call. (speed dial #6:  Jennifer Aniston)


GHOSTFACE *watching in background*:  WAHHHHHHH


Sarah Michelle Gellar:  I totally died in one of these films and haven't been in much since. BRB I'M GONNA GET HACKED TO DEATH IN THE SHOWER NOW


*goes to shower*
*is hacked*


GHOSTFACE:  Yes the shit is raw, comin at your door
Start to scream out loud, Wu-Tang's back for more.`

funeral scene

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I was supposed to be giving an eulogy but all I feel like saying is I'm dating the guy from the Old Spice commercials. That's it. RIP Sarah, you were so good in Buffy. 

Courtney:  This all feels very 1997.

David:  Right? Hold on baby, I'm going to go sleep with the florist.

Florist (think Michelle Rodriguez a la SLUT):  HAY BB.

Courtney:  (drawn-out middle aged white woman sigh)

Funeral Director (they do exist, don't they?):  Everyone, please go to the mall for the funeral party. Justin Bieber will be performing. 

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  WHY?

Funeral Director:  And please wear as little clothing as possible!

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  OKAY. COMMUNITY IS SUCH A GREAT SHOW.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I'm also signing my new book at the local Border's! Doesn't anyone care?

BITCH, BORDERS CLOSED.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  *sits behind a gravestone and cries*

Behind said gravestone, we see an Edinboro English student.

STUDENT:  I come to this cemetary to get inspiration for my ~art~. Look at all the Linkin Park and Smashmouth I have on my ipod!

NEVE:  Eww. (leaves in a Sedan)


GHOSTFACE:  AWHHHHHWWWWWWWW

STUDENT:  WUT! NO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WRITING MY CESTINA!

*is hacked*

at the Ashtabula Mall

JUSTIN BIEBER:  I'm here to make all the ladies feel real good and stuff.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Honey, I'm going to Hooter's and having a hooker sit on my face. Dat cool with you?

COURTNEY COX:  Whatever; I'm sleeping with the whole cast of COUGAR TOWN.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  I love you so much!

(while leaving, he runs into GHOSTY-FACE)

GHOSTFACE:  I ain't killing you! You have a mustache! Go give a lucky stripper a ride with that!

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Sweet!

note:  I know they are waitresses, not strippers.

JUSTIN BIEBER:  Baby, baby, baby....

GHOSTFACE:  WAHHHHHHHHHHH SICK OF HEARING THIS SONG ON THE RADIO

JUSTIN BIEBER is hacked.

NEVE CAMPBELL is alone at a mall kisok.

NEVE:  DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY GODDAMN SELF-HELP BOOK?

How to Exist in Hollywood With a Minimal Career and Date the Guy From the Old Spice Commercials.

ghost of DREW BARRYMORE:  Hey I like died in the first Scream. Avenge my death, Neve! Avenge, like, IT!

NEVE:  NO. GO BACK TO COVERGIRL.


DREW BARRYMORE:  ooh right. 


-

COURTNEY COX:  Ghostface, I need to go back to filming Cougar Town. 

GHOSTFACE: NO ONE WATCHES YOUR SHOW BITCH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

COURTNEY COX:  *after slapping Ghostface* NOT TRUE JENNIFER ANISTON SO DOES.

slap slap slap
slap

COURTNEY COX:  WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? I THOUGHT WE CAUGHT YOU IN THE LAST INSTALLMENT.

GHOSTFACE:  UM.

When Courtney rips off the mask of the Ghostface....


REBECCA BLACK?

COURTNEY:  What? I thought you LOVED Justin.

REBECCA *sobs*:  The internet hates me, and I am NOT dating the Old Spice guy. 

COURTNEY:  .......



(NOTE, I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY SCREAM MOVIES. HAHAHA)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

Lilith help me, I want to stake the second episode of True Blood!

Episode 2: Authority Always Wins Well here we are again, time to sink our twin hard-ons into the new episode! Before I get into the thick of things, again I must let you know HERE BE MASSIVE SPOILERS. And I’m going to recap this by the characters instead of a timeline account, because not much happens in this episode.