Skip to main content

SCREAM 4

Courtney Cox:  I have nothing better to do with my career. might as well make another one of these!


David Arquette: Is that okay baby? I'm going to be doing blow off the production tech de whole time. We have an open marriage, right?


Courtney Cox:  Um. I have to make a phone call. (speed dial #6:  Jennifer Aniston)


GHOSTFACE *watching in background*:  WAHHHHHHH


Sarah Michelle Gellar:  I totally died in one of these films and haven't been in much since. BRB I'M GONNA GET HACKED TO DEATH IN THE SHOWER NOW


*goes to shower*
*is hacked*


GHOSTFACE:  Yes the shit is raw, comin at your door
Start to scream out loud, Wu-Tang's back for more.`

funeral scene

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I was supposed to be giving an eulogy but all I feel like saying is I'm dating the guy from the Old Spice commercials. That's it. RIP Sarah, you were so good in Buffy. 

Courtney:  This all feels very 1997.

David:  Right? Hold on baby, I'm going to go sleep with the florist.

Florist (think Michelle Rodriguez a la SLUT):  HAY BB.

Courtney:  (drawn-out middle aged white woman sigh)

Funeral Director (they do exist, don't they?):  Everyone, please go to the mall for the funeral party. Justin Bieber will be performing. 

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  WHY?

Funeral Director:  And please wear as little clothing as possible!

THE CAST OF COUGAR TOWN:  OKAY. COMMUNITY IS SUCH A GREAT SHOW.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  I'm also signing my new book at the local Border's! Doesn't anyone care?

BITCH, BORDERS CLOSED.

NEVE CAMPBELL:  *sits behind a gravestone and cries*

Behind said gravestone, we see an Edinboro English student.

STUDENT:  I come to this cemetary to get inspiration for my ~art~. Look at all the Linkin Park and Smashmouth I have on my ipod!

NEVE:  Eww. (leaves in a Sedan)


GHOSTFACE:  AWHHHHHWWWWWWWW

STUDENT:  WUT! NO! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WRITING MY CESTINA!

*is hacked*

at the Ashtabula Mall

JUSTIN BIEBER:  I'm here to make all the ladies feel real good and stuff.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Honey, I'm going to Hooter's and having a hooker sit on my face. Dat cool with you?

COURTNEY COX:  Whatever; I'm sleeping with the whole cast of COUGAR TOWN.

DAVID ARQUETTE:  I love you so much!

(while leaving, he runs into GHOSTY-FACE)

GHOSTFACE:  I ain't killing you! You have a mustache! Go give a lucky stripper a ride with that!

DAVID ARQUETTE:  Sweet!

note:  I know they are waitresses, not strippers.

JUSTIN BIEBER:  Baby, baby, baby....

GHOSTFACE:  WAHHHHHHHHHHH SICK OF HEARING THIS SONG ON THE RADIO

JUSTIN BIEBER is hacked.

NEVE CAMPBELL is alone at a mall kisok.

NEVE:  DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY GODDAMN SELF-HELP BOOK?

How to Exist in Hollywood With a Minimal Career and Date the Guy From the Old Spice Commercials.

ghost of DREW BARRYMORE:  Hey I like died in the first Scream. Avenge my death, Neve! Avenge, like, IT!

NEVE:  NO. GO BACK TO COVERGIRL.


DREW BARRYMORE:  ooh right. 


-

COURTNEY COX:  Ghostface, I need to go back to filming Cougar Town. 

GHOSTFACE: NO ONE WATCHES YOUR SHOW BITCH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

COURTNEY COX:  *after slapping Ghostface* NOT TRUE JENNIFER ANISTON SO DOES.

slap slap slap
slap

COURTNEY COX:  WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? I THOUGHT WE CAUGHT YOU IN THE LAST INSTALLMENT.

GHOSTFACE:  UM.

When Courtney rips off the mask of the Ghostface....


REBECCA BLACK?

COURTNEY:  What? I thought you LOVED Justin.

REBECCA *sobs*:  The internet hates me, and I am NOT dating the Old Spice guy. 

COURTNEY:  .......



(NOTE, I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY SCREAM MOVIES. HAHAHA)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist.  "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

Appropriate Holiday Gift Ideas for the Single Lady

While some people may see it as a drag, there are plenty of benefits to being single during the holiday season. During this time of the year, there are tons of parties you can attend that you may not have had the opportunity to if you were in a relationship. There’s also not as much stress on you as a single gal during the holidays because you don’t have to shop for your partner and extended family members  or  stress over where to eat Christmas dinner.  Not everyone sees the bright side of being fancy free during the holidays, and, tragically, they aren't afraid to let us single ladies know. Not only are single women subjected to even more harassment and ridicule during the holiday season, they’re also given the most obnoxious gifts by those who can’t comprehend how anyone can be both happy and single. Whether it’s a self-help book (desperately) trying to reinforce how great is to be single or the gift of a year-long subscription to Match.com , single women are presented with

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it