True Blood Season 5: The Prequel

So, it’s summer, and that means it’s time for another season of everyone’s favorite campy, sexy, violent show. No, not Jersey Shore, you assholes. I may be shameless, but I have standards, as low as they are.

I’ve been watching True Blood since it debuted back in 2008, and fortunately I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m just watching it to watch it (hello, Supernatural!). Last season sure did try my patience. Even though I liked the vampire politics and the crazy necromancer witch villain, a lot of the other stories fell flat. Tara became a lesbian (or bisexual? I don’t think it’s ever clarified) cage fighter in an attempt to make her character more interesting. (Spoiler! It didn’t work.) And storylines that I think could have been fruitful were cut short, such as Sam and Tommy’s combative relationship. And Lafayette getting possessed every five seconds was exhausting. While I’m also sure Sookie's trip to fairyland was necessary to a degree, I found myself rolling my eyes at a lot of it (and seeing how this is an over-the-top show all about crazy supernatural creatures, that’s saying something).

Needless to say I have high expectations going into this season. Judging from the trailers, the vampire world is the focal point once more, which has always been the show’s strength. And Christoper Meloni as the head of the Vampire Authority? YES PLEASE

Sexy cast...or the sexiest cast?

Here is a rundown of my current feelings toward the characters allegedly present in season 5:

Characters I love: Sookie, Eric, Pam, Bill, Jessica (Huh, almost exclusively vampires. Coincidence?)

Character I love but I’m not really sure why: Sam (I find him ridiculously sexy, so there’s that.)

Ladies and gentlemen into rugged men, I give you Exhibit A.

I was going to caption this, but I had to...take care of something. In my pants.

Characters I’m indifferent to: Terry + Arlene, Hoyt, Andy, Alcide (I want to like Mr. Werewolf, but as of right now, he’s just a pretty face/ass.)

Characters I liked at first but now I find annoying: Lafayette, Jason (I hope both of them have storylines this season that do them justice.)

Characters I want to go away forever: Tara, Crystal (Both of these girls are insufferable to various degrees.)

Character played by Christoper Meloni that I'll probably masturbate to: Roman

HELLO DADDY

So there you have a mini rundown of my expectations of this year's True Blood. But what about you? Is there anything you're hoping for this season? Leave us a comment or five! I'll be back Monday with my full report on the season premiere!

"Anchors" - AM Higgins

Here's a nice breezy, almost sensual song from AM Higgins (the solo project of musician Annie Toth) to start your Tuesday off right. Her debut album "Hymning" will be out November 5th on Victorialand Records. The album was mixed by Casey Foubert, a frequent collaborator of Sufjan Stevens. The album "captures the first years of moving from an American city to rural France." Sounds like "Hymning" will be a welcome escape from the world we live in right now, especially considering that Annie Toth counts poets Mary Oliver and Thomas Merton as influences.

"Happy New Year"- Let's Eat Grandma

There's no way to start the New Year like some extremely upbeat music about the New Year! That's where this new synthpop-heavy single from the British duo Let's Eat Grandma comes into play. It's a delightful song, and it helps increase any excitement about their third album, "Two Ribbons," which will be out this April. I personally am looking forward to hearing more from Let's Eat Grandma, who deserve way more attention than they currently get. Hopefully, 2022 will be a big year for them. Here's one of their older tracks I quite like:

You Need to Hear This: Concrete Castles

I first heard of First to Eleven a few years ago thanks to the powers of social media. They are a talented young band straight out of my hometown (Erie, PA). Since I've first heard of them, First To Eleven - which primarily were a social media-based cover band - has revealed an original music incarnation, Concrete Castles. No matter if they're covering songs or releasing their own music, one thing is evident: Concrete Castles is MASSIVELY talented. Anchored by Audra Miller's powerhouse vocals that are vaguely reminiscent of Hayley Williams, Concrete Castles demand your attention. Although they can fall in that sort of amorphous "indie pop" umbrella, I don't think their sound would be amiss on mainstream radio - top 40 or alternative. "Wish I Missed U" - their debut album - came out earlier this September, and it's an enjoyable, invigorating listen that would probably make those who were raised on emo or fans of CHVRCHES feel at home. Hell, Anth

The Useless Critic 2.0

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