True Blood Season 5: The Prequel

So, it’s summer, and that means it’s time for another season of everyone’s favorite campy, sexy, violent show. No, not Jersey Shore, you assholes. I may be shameless, but I have standards, as low as they are.

I’ve been watching True Blood since it debuted back in 2008, and fortunately I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m just watching it to watch it (hello, Supernatural!). Last season sure did try my patience. Even though I liked the vampire politics and the crazy necromancer witch villain, a lot of the other stories fell flat. Tara became a lesbian (or bisexual? I don’t think it’s ever clarified) cage fighter in an attempt to make her character more interesting. (Spoiler! It didn’t work.) And storylines that I think could have been fruitful were cut short, such as Sam and Tommy’s combative relationship. And Lafayette getting possessed every five seconds was exhausting. While I’m also sure Sookie's trip to fairyland was necessary to a degree, I found myself rolling my eyes at a lot of it (and seeing how this is an over-the-top show all about crazy supernatural creatures, that’s saying something).

Needless to say I have high expectations going into this season. Judging from the trailers, the vampire world is the focal point once more, which has always been the show’s strength. And Christoper Meloni as the head of the Vampire Authority? YES PLEASE

Sexy cast...or the sexiest cast?

Here is a rundown of my current feelings toward the characters allegedly present in season 5:

Characters I love: Sookie, Eric, Pam, Bill, Jessica (Huh, almost exclusively vampires. Coincidence?)

Character I love but I’m not really sure why: Sam (I find him ridiculously sexy, so there’s that.)

Ladies and gentlemen into rugged men, I give you Exhibit A.

I was going to caption this, but I had to...take care of something. In my pants.

Characters I’m indifferent to: Terry + Arlene, Hoyt, Andy, Alcide (I want to like Mr. Werewolf, but as of right now, he’s just a pretty face/ass.)

Characters I liked at first but now I find annoying: Lafayette, Jason (I hope both of them have storylines this season that do them justice.)

Characters I want to go away forever: Tara, Crystal (Both of these girls are insufferable to various degrees.)

Character played by Christoper Meloni that I'll probably masturbate to: Roman

HELLO DADDY

So there you have a mini rundown of my expectations of this year's True Blood. But what about you? Is there anything you're hoping for this season? Leave us a comment or five! I'll be back Monday with my full report on the season premiere!

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In case you missed Eurovision this past weekend - and if you're an American, you likely did - there were some truly talented acts among those competing for this year's prestigious title. There were some pretty boring acts, and there were only a few of truly strange contestants this time around (bummer). Sweden's act Tusse was pretty talented; his joyful and uplifting track "Voices" was actually one of the few that seemed rather memorable to me. Turns out he's releasing it in French - which makes sense, as Tusse is Kongo-Kinshasa born. Tusse is enormously popular in Sweden from what I can tell, having won both Melodifestivalen (Sweden's precursor to Eurovision) and Swedish Idol. He's a talented guy, and I'm sure we're just seeing the start of what is bound to be a long and prolific career. (you might not be able to watch this outside of Sweden so, see below) The French version of "Voices" is available for streaming here . Also, whi

"Round the Bend" - Zoon (Beck cover)

My favorite album of Beck's has long been "Sea Change," for approximately the 20 or so years it's been out. I would probably regard it as one of my personal favorite records, for its wistfulness and its beauty. When I heard about Zoon (aka Zoongide’ewin) - the musical project of Daniel Monkman - covering the "Sea Change" track "Round the Bend," I was somewhat skeptical simply because the album holds such a place in my heart. Now, prior to hearing about this cover, I wasn't so familiar with the work of Zoon. And now, I've got to say, in my best Owen Wilson - Wow. Apparently we both hold the 2003 Beck album in high esteem. Said Daniel about "Sea Change," "After my first listen I was so moved and at the time I was going through a pretty bad break up and this album helped me process my depression. Throughout my time away from music I’d always have a copy beside me; it kept inspiring me that I could try any kind of music style. I

The Useless Critic 2.0

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