Things I Didn't Think I'd Have To Say

While you and your husband seem like a nice couple, I don't want to partake in what you do with each other on a carnal level.

this post is dedicated to Kim and Natalie Wood. Doesn't she look like Mila Kunis there?

Nope, don't see me in there. Nope.

I used to think these invitations were hil-AR-ious. Like, do they not realize I'm the most awkward person on the planet and it would just be uncomfortable for all involved? Like a raft ride at an amusement park?

I suppose these something-something-something amorous couple think all not-heterosexual girls are wishing to um, join in on their fun and essentially play as a pincushion. Well, I am sure girls like that exist, but I am not one. Nope. Not me.

By the way, why does the term "PILLOW PRINCESS" exist?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for progress and sexual liberation; I just wish I wasn't asked on a weekly basis to do these things. Like, really? I'm on a dating site, NOT adult friend finder.

Like, here's a month of messages I get:

Week 1: My husband and me, you know, we can share you and stuff.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Week 2: My boyfriend wants to spice things up.

Cool, go to Chipotle.

Week 3: You seem cute, HE CAN JUST WATCH.

Nope. Do I look like some kind of fetishist slut? It must be the glasses.

Week 4: What are you looking for? We're a very hot couple.

Note- I filled out the "what I am looking for" section.

So.........in closing, please leave me alone, threesome-seeking couples. I am not impressed and a little disturbed. Also, Craiglist casual encounters seems, um. Like it works?

???? Cara, you can elaborate.

Although, I would consider having a threesome with these two:

not even kidding.

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawson, send it

No Time to Fuck: The Goldfrapp Essay

Konnichiwa! This is Irina Cummings and I'm here to discuss one of the most brilliant, innovative, and creative artists in the entire history of mankind: Goldfrapp – or as I like to call them , GODfrapp – the fantastique, highly inspirational, and sometimes criminally overlooked electronic music duo from London consisting of Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory, whose godly music has certainly influenced the vast majority of today's synthpop ladies, including Lady Gaga, Little Boots, La Roux, Annie and Florence + the Machine (not electro but still worth your while). They're primarily known for their mind-blowing music (which have spanned pretty much every style of electronic music – and some non-electronic as well), their abstract, sexually ambiguous – at times forthright – lyrics which are often not gender- specific , and their elaborate shows, not to mention the amazing visual aesthetics of their work, conjuring images that masterly complement

An Open Letter to the Actress: Milena Govich

Dear Milena Govich, Hey, how are you? What is up? Well, I assume you might get 5-7 fan letters a week, but I hope the glitter on my envelope stood out to you. In all seriousness, I have not been the most loyal fan of your filmography, but in the opening credits of the 2006 show, “Conviction,” I got to see you in your underwear. Ever since then, I have been one of your most active online stalkers (not a crime in all states I think). In the next letter, I promise to include an underwear photo for you, so we'll be even. Milena, I remember even back to the days when you worked on one of those other 200 Dick Wolf projects you did...what was the name of that show? “Law and Order.” Yes, that was it. You made history as playing the first female lead detective on the “Law and Order” original franchise for your role as Detective Cassidy. However, I will have to note your performance was strongly tainted when Chevy Chase guest-starred and gave you the nickname, “Detective Sugar-Tits.” At leas

The Useless Critic 2.0

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