Things I Didn't Think I'd Have To Say

While you and your husband seem like a nice couple, I don't want to partake in what you do with each other on a carnal level.

this post is dedicated to Kim and Natalie Wood. Doesn't she look like Mila Kunis there?

Nope, don't see me in there. Nope. 

I used to think these invitations were hil-AR-ious. Like, do they not realize I'm the most awkward person on the planet and it would just be uncomfortable for all involved? Like a raft ride at an amusement park? 

I suppose these something-something-something amorous couple think all not-heterosexual girls are wishing to um, join in on their fun and essentially play as a pincushion. Well, I am sure girls like that exist, but I am not one. Nope. Not me.

By the way, why does the term "PILLOW PRINCESS" exist?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for progress and sexual liberation; I just wish I wasn't asked on a weekly basis to do these things. Like, really? I'm on a dating site, NOT adult friend finder. 

Like, here's a month of messages I get:

Week 1:  My husband and me, you know, we can share you and stuff.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Week 2:  My boyfriend wants to spice things up.

Cool, go to Chipotle.

Week 3:  You seem cute, HE CAN JUST WATCH.

Nope. Do I look like some kind of fetishist slut? It must be the glasses.

Week 4:  What are you looking for? We're a very hot couple.

Note- I filled out the "what I am looking for" section.


So.........in closing, please leave me alone, threesome-seeking couples. I am not impressed and a little disturbed. Also, Craiglist casual encounters seems, um. Like it works?

???? Cara, you can elaborate.


Although, I would consider having a threesome with these two:

not even kidding.