The Useless Critic 2.0

Song of the Day And all these empty streets. 

Just in case you didn't know, ABC has recently decided to cancel Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 due to low ratings. My sadness/wrath/general dissatisfaction can only be expressed by a series of GIFs: This is me invading the ABC headquarters Also: I know I'm a little slow on this, I'm just really lazy. Plus, it doesn't help that Blogger is such an asstard who's constantly getting on my very last nerve. To be honest, the show's cancellation wasn't quite a shock, considering the plummeting ratings this last season—if I'm not mistaken, it was the lowest-rated scripted series on ABC. Still, there was this tiny little part of me that actually hoped it wouldn't get the axe. On top of that, it's uncertain whether the remaining eight episodes of season two will ever see the light of day. I haven't even fully gotten over the Gossip Girl finale, now ABC goes and cancels my currently second favorite s...

Girls  Episode 2: I Get Ideas Sorry these recaps have been so late in coming. I fully expect to be back on schedule by next week. But enough about me, let’s talk about how great these shows have been. Episode two starts with the fallout from Elijah and Marnie’s ill-fated hook-up. Elijah’s boyfriend George breaks up with him, citing the age difference and he doesn’t want to wait for Elijah to figure things out. I guess I can understand that, but Elijah is such a catch. Meanwhile, Hannah does aerobics (poorly) in leopard print leggings. Later—aka after the title—Hannah and Elijah watch Adam’s uncomfortably personal Youtube music video. It’s very tragic in a hilarious way. They debate whether or not Adam is murdery or just sexy in a murdery way. I’d have to say the latter; I can’t imagine Adam murdering anyone, as creepy as he can be. Also, what is Hannah wearing? Is that just a sleeping bag? Elsewhere, Marnie goes to a shitty job interview at another art galle...

Song of the Day This video from my old Brooklyn friends, the Happy Problem, is packed with zombies and pasta. Those are two words I never thought I'd type together. But I just did.  It's interesting and they are a good band, so definitely check it out! Also, if you are in New York, you should see them Feb. 7 at 8 p.m. at Piano's. 

Song of the Day So the Strokes are back. I'm glad, as the neo-folk wave was getting old!  What are your thoughts?

Song of the Day Arlissa is an American/Brit who, at the age of 20, is already earning big-name comparisons to Florence + the Machine and Crystal Fighters. She made a splash with a duet with Nas last year - and that's really the beginning of it. Her debut album will be out March 3. She started this year playing Top of the Pops (I'm American so I will pretend to understand that) and will be playing the Notting Hill Arts Club Jan. 31. The Guardian has called her the sound of 2013. What say you? I definitely see star potential!

This episode starts with some good ol' hipster bashing at the cupcake shop, as an obnoxious hipster guy asks for another refill. In response, Max mocks him for wearing overalls. All of a sudden, the guy starts drumming his hands on the table, which pisses Max off even more. Caroline reminds her not to give attitude, as they're not in the diner. She also tells the guy to help himself to a fresh mocha almond refill. Andy walks by the shop and Max waves, but Caroline doesn't seem too happy about it. "He didn't die just because you stopped letting him touch your boobies," Max explains. Moments before Andy walks into the shop, Caroline runs and hides in the back, blaming Max's wave for starting it. "I'm sorry, my hand is friendly. Ask any guy in high school," Max justifies. Andy asks Max how Caroline is doing. He also wants to make sure everything's cool between him and Max, as she hasn't texted him a picture of an unlikely animal f...

I never get sick of Rachel's poem from 2011. Seriously- it's one of my favorite posts. Check it out . 

Song of the Day And I'm anxious to see what I'm running for.  (aren't we all.)

It looks funny, I'll give it that. Observe: Sandra Bullock seems to still have it. Whatever "it" is. Question: Do you think Melissa McCarthy risks being typecast?

Whenever queen Little Boots has a new song out, it's always a reason to celebrate. According to Popjustice , Bootsie secretly released two songs on vinyl under the pseudonym LB earlier this week. One of these songs is the sexy, slick jam "Superstitious Heart", which has recently surfaced online. The other track, "Whatever Sets You Free", has yet to appear online. Also this week, Little Boots confirmed in an interview that her second album is finished, and it's due for a March release!! My body is so ready. She was one of the main reasons why 2009 was da bomb.

I am not this cool.  If you know me, and I don't expect you know me all that well, you would realize one of my longtime dreams is to travel across America a la Jack Kerouac. Well, I did that. Recently. In a Greyhound. (Not quite the dream, per se).  I traveled to Phoenix from Erie, PA in a two-day journey we could only call "hellish." Originally it would have been roundtrip, but a work emergency caused me to miss my first bus. I flew home, but not without somehow losing my glasses in the progress. (Luck? What's that?) I'm about to describe to you this journey in the only way I know how:  vaguely passive-aggressive blogging. Chapter 1: Yelling At Old Women And Fixing Some Lady's Blackberry I left Erie on a cold and brisk Friday afternoon. I was sick to begin with- the weather took a toll on my now warm-weather-acclimated system, so I didn't even have much of a "vacation" to begin with. Plus, I had romanticized my whole trip home. Y...

Yay! 2 Broke Girl s has finally returned from its midseason break . I know you guys missed my recaps, but please, hold your applause. At the girls' cupcake shop, a large fiercely real girl named Dottie is tasting cupcakes for a possible cupcake wedding cake. Max, however, is convinced that there's no wedding, and it's just a ploy so she can get free cupcakes. Caroline thinks Dottie could be the real deal, but Max insists they have to crack her bullshit "before she eats our cupcakes and then us ." Max starts peppering Dottie with questions about her wedding. "That's a tampon commercial," Caroline says to Max when Dottie says it will be a barefoot beach wedding. Her fiancé walks in and they start kissing, but Max is still suspicious: "He's either an out-of-work actor she hired, or he has cake in his mouth." Adele, is that you? At the diner, Han announces he will be running a raffle to win a luxury weekend vacation in the count...