Skip to main content

this JUST in (holy shit!)




RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES, REAL PRESSING NEWS

A lot of buzz has been surrounding Sandra Bullock after she won the Academy Award for “The Blind Side.” But not in the best light.
In many interviews, Sandra stated that her husband “Jesse James” was the most wonderful man in the world,
But shortly after winning the award, it was made public that James was a cheating bonehead, leaving his angel, Sandra in humiliation.

However, it appears Sandra wasn’t a clean-hearted after all.

During an interview with Barbara Walters, an intern on the ABC set, noticed something sticking out of Sandra’s bag, which was left unattended.

Inside, was a pack of photographs held together with a rubber band. In curiosity, the anonymous intern flipped through the pictures, and found shots of a giant Canadian Moose!

Then, things get weirder. Photos of Sandra Bullock were found in the bag wearing nothing but a lace bra and that’s it! She was also positioned on her knees waiting to receive the moose’s fortitude.

Her husband may have cheated, but Sandra is equally unfaithful….except with a an enormous filthy Moose!!



:O

In a brave move, the moose has decided to come forward with his story.

"This is so hard for me," he said, declining to give his real name (it's obviously Rick).

"But that cunt used me. She used me and sucked my moose dick til it ran dry!"

He fought off tears and described, in graphic details, the length of their affair. The frightening affair.

The threesomes that followed with wallabies? Not so hot.

Sandra has been mum on the details of the affair. When approached by a reporter, she threw her Oscar at the reporter's head.

"That's not my real Oscar, you stupid shit!"

This latest heartbreaking discovery is the most saddening piece of Hollywood news since Michael Phelps got caught receiving involuntary CPR in the back of a taxi cab with a Indian Barking Deer.

Why oh, Why do the celebs think it's a good idea to get hot and heavy with beasts of burden? (The answer is in the question.)

They should be more like Miley Cyrus and just perform o-ral servicing on their plastic orange blimp!

This gray area setting can only get darker for Sandra, and more tragic for Rick the Moose. It is likely that Rick will write a tell-all book revealing his side of the scandal, one of the biggest accomplishments ever by a moose.

At least Jesse James doesn't look like as much of an asshole.

Paula Deen was fistbanged by a gorilla. And she liked it. Common knowledge in these parts.

"It's addicting!" she said in an interview. "Y'all want some lardcakes?"

The moose's whereabouts are unknown at these times, but he could be found at a Crisis Center for Moose.

If you or or a loved one has a problem fucking mooses, please call 1-888-893-9000 and talk to a licensed professional, who is wearing nothing.

Comments

  1. WTF? well I glad there is a hotline for the people with problems "fucking mooses"

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFLx1000

    "fistbanged by a gorilla" :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. IF I had a chance to sleep with a BEAST of BURDEN it would definitely be Jimmy Kimmel's mother.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

"Round the Bend" - Zoon (Beck cover)

My favorite album of Beck's has long been "Sea Change," for approximately the 20 or so years it's been out. I would probably regard it as one of my personal favorite records, for its wistfulness and its beauty. When I heard about Zoon (aka Zoongide’ewin) - the musical project of Daniel Monkman - covering the "Sea Change" track "Round the Bend," I was somewhat skeptical simply because the album holds such a place in my heart. Now, prior to hearing about this cover, I wasn't so familiar with the work of Zoon. And now, I've got to say, in my best Owen Wilson - Wow.  Apparently we both hold the 2003 Beck album in high esteem. Said Daniel about "Sea Change," "After my first listen I was so moved and at the time I was going through a pretty bad break up and this album helped me process my depression. Throughout my time away from music I’d always have a copy beside me; it kept inspiring me that I could try any kind of music style. I