A Useless Open Letter: Parminder Nagra

Dear Parminder Nagra,

Hey, what’s cooking?
Well, I guess yesterday we learned that there is a hotter Indian than you on the face of the Earth named Rani Mukerji. I hope that you are not offended because we all know your secret anyway. You are British. After all, you did pretend to make out with Keira Knightly once.

Anyway, enough of those wet dreams, the real reason I am writing to you is, my friend Brittany finds you really cute. Even I have to confess, I'd take you over John Stamos. In fact, she said you were hotter than all the actresses of Bollywood. She may have just been trying to get me to shut up, but who cares? Someone called you the hottest Indian person alive! Isn’t that worth celebrating?

Congrats to you. Furthermore, I believe I read on Wikipedia that you are married, and I am not the biggest fan of hot actresses getting married, so if you ever happen to have a mental break in life and give up acting and run away with strangers you meet on the internet, I’ve got a Geo Prism that has your name on it in the backseat. (I hope that statement doesn’t need clarification, but if so do you know phrase Shaggin in the Wagon?), and you can choose between my friend or me for…well having your way with and what not.

I'm docile, and she's creative.

Sincerely,

Any Man Alive

PS: I miss "ER" because of you. You kicked George Clooney's ass.