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2 Broke Girls recap: And Martha Stewart Have a Ball (Part 2)

At long last, here is the second part of my personal recap of the first season finale of the CBS sitcom 2 Broke Girls. Damn, it's been exactly one week since the episode aired, I should be ashamed. Hopefully I'll be more efficient next time around. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed Part 1, 'cause Part 2 will make you pee yo' pants! Not literally, because that would be pretty awkward.

After Max and Caroline decide to go after Martha Stewart at the Met Ball, Sophie takes the girls to an upscale store and offers to buy them dresses for the event. According to Sophie, she is Richard Gere and they are her two hookers (yes, cue Pretty Woman reference). "Well, when you put it like that, I'm a little more comfortable," says Max, who also reveals that she's never really been a fan of balls: "In fact, always thought they got in the way, but here we are." Have I said I love her? The girls and Sophie are then seen goofing around and having a blast while trying on several ball gowns.

Admit it, you wish you could be there too

This was a genuinely fun scene to watch. I felt as though I was inside the show, laughing and having fun with them. (See? Max and I are not that much of sourpusses.) It all felt so natural, it looked like the actresses were actually enjoying themselves. I even got past the fact that this particular scene was set to "Starships" by Nicki Minaj. Fine, the song kind of suited the scene, I'll give you that. Most importantly, check out Max's dress of choice.

HOT HOT HOT! I wanna be her! Can I be her?

Our reaction?


When Oleg (who's got the town car service with the creepy slogan, remember?) is about to drive Max and Caroline from Brooklyn to the Met Ball, Earl shows up running like crazy to bring them wrist corsages. Max tells him to slow down because of his heart, to which he replies, "Sorry I'm late, ladies, but if I run any faster, the cops tend to pull guns on me." With their wrist corsages and their Beer-Batter Maple Bacon Spring Break cupcake, the girls are ready to go. Unfortunately, Oleg's car breaks down shortly after it departs. "That car is smoking harder than Bob Marley on a Rasta holiday," Earl remarks. Lucky for us (or not), Oleg assigns his cousin Yuri to fix it

Oleg: Sophie, if my cousin Yuri said he would be here in half hour with parts to fix, he will be here in half hour.
Caroline: Actually, it's been 40 minutes.
Sophie: Your cousin is like you. He takes too long to come.
Oleg: Oh, this is news. Suddenly a woman wants a man to finish fast.
Sophie: Oh, please. Sex is not a carnival cruise. I'm a busy woman. You get on, you get off.

That was very enlightening, Sophie, and I couldn't agree more. Given the situation, Caroline goes on a somewhat hysterical rant about how she would hail a cab if she still lived in Manhattan, and even if they could afford it, they would be stuck forever in rush-hour gridlock. "Could you take it down a notch? Hipsters are starting to look at us like we're trying too hard," Max replies. Well, we couldn't possibly do without Max's hipster bashing, could we?

Surprisingly enough, Han is the one who saves the day when he appears out of nowhere riding Chestnut, so now the girls can ride him across the Brooklyn Bridge to the gala! On the other side of the bridge, Max and Caroline encounter a group of mounted police officers, and are approached by two of them in particular.

Caroline: Hello, officers. We're on our way to the ball down the street, and we were wondering if we could please leave our horse with your horses?
Max: And I can save you the time on the breathalyzer test: no, we are not drunk or on some bachelorette party scavenger hunt. Our car broke down in Brooklyn, so we rode over the Brooklyn Bridge and up.
Officer James: You rode a horse across the Brooklyn Bridge? That's badass.
Officer Mars: Yes... and illegal.
Max: In that case, we took the tunnel?
Officer James: Well, I think we can help you two ladies.
Officer Mars: Not gonna happen, Dave. We're on duty.
Caroline: Officers, we're already a little late, and with all due respect, we don't have time to play good cop, bad cop.
Max: Or in your cases, hot cop, hot cop.
Officer Mars: Well, I think we can help you ladies. Let's get you down off of there.
Officer James: I got the one in the low-cut.
Max: [as she and Caroline rush to the ball] Thanks, officer hot and officer hotter!
Officer James: You know I'm officer hotter, right?
Officer Mars: Oh, come on, man. Have you seen me in my sunglasses? No contest.

Just FYI, this year the real-life Met Ball took place on the same day this episode aired. Pretty dope, huh? Yes, I've just used the word "dope."

As they arrive at the ball, Caroline wants Max to walk in front of her, as she is the most hated woman in New York. "So basically, I'm a human shield?" Max asks. "Well, you have more up here to stop anything," Caroline replies, referring to Max's large tatas. All of a sudden, Caroline hilariously bends down while screaming Max's name. Max asks if someone pulled a gun, but Caroline explains that she saw the couple whose sworn statement put her father in prison.

When Caroline calls out Max's name again, Max says, "Acid in your pretty face? Sorry, I stayed up all night reading what people wanna do to you in your hate mail." This time, Caroline thinks she may have smeared the cupcake because she went down so fast (Max: "That's the filthiest-sounding clean thing I ever heard."). The cupcake is fine, and the girls head to the event's registration desk, where they have to deal with an obnoxious red-haired woman who lacks any sense of discretion whatsoever:

Shana: Can I get your name?
Caroline: Caroline... [whispers] Channing.
Shana: I'm sorry, what?!
Caroline: Caroline... [whispers] Channing.
Shana: What's with you? Just say your name.
Caroline: Channing.
Shana: [in an incredibly annoying tone] Did you say Channing? Caroline Channing? Wait, are you that Caroline Channing?!
Caroline: Shh! Yes, and I personally called the RSVP number. It has to be there.
Shana: Channing, Channing, Channing... No, I don't see "Caroline Channing."
Max: Shh! Maybe it's under my name, Max Black. I'm with her.
Shana: Black... No, no, no, I don't see any Blacks here.
Max: You mean besides the ones working security?

Ugh, don't you just wanna punch her? Right behind her is Brody

Shana calls out Brody (the "poor man's John Cusack" from Part 1), who is on the phone with party planner Paul Platt. She tells him that Caroline is not on the list, while pointing at Caroline like a total asshole. On his headset, Brody informs Paul that they have Caroline and she is not on the list. If this wasn't annoying enough, Shana asks everybody else in the line to wait until they get the "Caroline Channing situation" under control. That's it, Max has had enough. "If you say 'Channing' one more time, I'll actually pull your voice box out," she says. "And it is so much more violent than it sounds," Caroline adds. YES! DO IT, GIRLS. I was actually about to do that myself.

Finally, Brody tells them they are definitely not getting in. However, Max is not willing to give up that easily. Having catered the party last year, she comes up with a brilliant plan: sneaking in through the servers' entrance. As they are walking away, a woman passing by punches Caroline in the stomach. Max is not pleased at all about it, and shoves the bitch mercilessly before leaving. Well, I'd most certainly have done the same, if not worse. I found it so funny I just had to make a GIF out of it, in spite of my crappy computer.

At the service area, Max explains to Caroline that they will have to change into catering uniforms in order to get into the actual building. Caroline is initially appalled by the idea, but after the girls change, Caroline admits she is kind of into it, and compares herself to Janelle Monáe. "No, you're Janelle I-have-no-Monáe," Max jokes. Caroline realizes she needs the dresses inside because she has to look amazing when they meet Martha Stewart. Spotting one of those big steel boxes (I don't know if they have an official name, so I'll just stick with "big steel boxes"), Max suggests that they hang the dresses in the box and push them in.

Caroline: Kind of like the Louis Vuitton travel wardrobe I used to have.
Max: Or the service elevator I was born in.

While pushing the steel box through the kitchen, the girls catch the attention of a rather creepy cook. "I like the way you push around that big steel box. Why don't you come over here and I'll have sex with you?" he says. Caroline realizes that "a display like that really makes you appreciate Oleg's nuanced wit." On their way to the ladies' room, Max spots Johnny at the gala. "He's 'made it,' he goes where 'made it' people go," she points out.

As they make it to the ladies' room with the box, a real caterer warns them that they can't bring food in there. Caroline explains to her that there are dresses inside the box, and they need them because Max has a guy she wants to impress and Caroline is stalking Martha Stewart. "I'd be a terrible spy," Caroline concludes. Ya think?

After Max changes into her fabulous low-cut dress, Caroline is about to get into the stall Max was in (all other stalls are occupied), when suddenly a woman rushes past her and gets in first. The aforementioned caterer suggests Caroline try the handicapper stall. But guess what—at this very moment, a woman walks into the bathroom along with her wheelchaired grandma. Meanwhile, Max bumps into Johnny as she walks out of the ladies' room.

Johnny: I was hoping I'd run into you.
Max: Eh, no big deal.
Johnny: Pretty big deal, you look amazing. Amazing. I will go as far as amazeballs.
Max: Thanks. You look like a guy in a commercial who has a ring and puppy hidden somewhere.
Johnny: Can you believe it? We're both at this schmancy thing. Look how far we've gotten.
Max: Actually, when you think about it, we didn't get very far at all.
Johnny: Nope, you're right. We didn't.
Max: Yeah, why?
Johnny: Timing, I guess.
Max: Timing? Okay, whatever.
Johnny: You know, from now on, when I think of you, I'm gonna think of you in this and not the uniform.
Max: You know, from now on, maybe you shouldn't think of me at all. Gotta go, Mr. Manhattan.

Max goes back into the ladies' room, leaving Johnny desolate. That was awesome, plain and simple. One day I wish I'd run into my own Johnny too so I could give him the kiss-off he so richly deserves, while I'm wearing something fabuleux and mind-blowing. Okay, enough fantasizing... Inside the ladies' room, Max tells Caroline about how she had the perfect in-your-face goodbye with Johnny. "And speaking of 'in your face,' he couldn't take his eyes off my boobs. Boobs that he can never have, now that he's getting married." Max then proceeds to goofily flirt with herself in the mirror: "Damn, girl, you look good. What you doing later? Can I get your number?" Another scene worth an animated GIF.

Inside the stall, Caroline says the cupcake got a little smushed in her purse, and she can't show it to Martha Stewart now. "Sure, we can. You think she never had a cupcake smush on her?" Max wittily asks from outside. HAHAHA, "smush." (If you ever watched Jersey Shore, you might get the reference.) "I doubt that very much. Martha Stewart is perfect. Her feet don't even touch the ground. The woman probably doesn't even go to the bathroom," Caroline replies. "Martha Stewart's hardly perfect," Max says, seconds before noticing that Martha Stewart herself has just emerged from the adjoining bathroom stall!!

Martha Stewart: [to a stunned Max] And how are you this evening?
Caroline: [from inside the stall] No, you're right, Martha Stewart isn't perfect.
Max: Oh, I never said that!
Caroline: In fact, I hear she's a real ballbuster.
Max: You did not hear that.
Caroline: Yep, a real ballbuster, you know?
Max: No, I do not know.

Martha asks Max to hand her a towelette. Max, still taken aback, ends up handing her all the towelettes. An unaware Caroline goes on.

Caroline: But the fact that Martha Stewart is so tough...
Max: Caroline, you need to get out here right now.
Caroline: The fact that she is a real ballbuster...
Max: Oh, dear God, help me.
Caroline: Is what I like and respect about her. I mean, the woman's a genius.
Martha Stewart: Now it's getting interesting.
Caroline: And besides, you can't really believe gossip. Look at all that hate mail I got with people calling me a bitch, and I'm not a bitch. [she finally comes out of the stall]
Martha Stewart: Well, that's debatable.

O. M. G. (Imagine that being said pausingly.) After such shock, Caroline goes on to introduce their start-up cupcake business to Martha.

Caroline: I know this is highly inappropriate, but we brought a cupcake here tonight in hopes that you might taste it.
Martha Stewart: So you want me to taste your cupcake in the ladies' room. What's inappropriate about that?
Caroline: I know this is a social event, so I'm so sorry for making it about business.
Martha Stewart: When you're in business for yourself, you have to take every situation as a business opportunity. Look, I have five of these in here. [pulls a copy of her book Martha's American Food out of her purse]
Max: I love your magazine. I read every single issue until they realized I didn't even go to that doctor.
Martha Stewart: Well, in spite of the fact that you have not yet washed your hands...
Caroline: I was just changing my dress in there.
Martha Stewart: I'll taste it.
Caroline: You will?
Martha Stewart: I like your entrepreneurial drive. And, uh, I have a feeling that it's actually the only way I'm gonna get out of here alive.

After tasting the girls' Beer-Batter Maple Bacon Spring Break cupcake, Martha says it's "quite tasty," and asks them if they have a business card, which Caroline promptly hands to her. "Max's Homemade Cupcakes," Martha reads from the card. "Well, you know who'd really like that cupcake? Stoners," she says before walking away, leaving both girls utterly ecstatic.

Max: She said "Max's Homemade Cupcakes."

Both: Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes!!

And the penny finally drops...

Both: Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes!!!!!

They made it!!!!!

Hope you guys had a blast reading my recap. Also, here's hoping that I've enticed you to start watching this amazing show. See you back in September! What do you think is in store for the gurls in season 2, now that they have Martha Stewart's blessing?

P.S.: Great, now I can't get that damn Nicki Minaj song out of my head.
P.P.S.: Dear readers: if you leave comments (this applies to the entire blog), I promise to finally unveil my much-awaited nudes. What you waiting for?


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