An Open Letter to the Gymnast: He Kexin

***If only she knew those were my hands on her back.....

Dear He Kexin,

Hey, what’s up? Have you learned English yet?

So how is life making the Olympic Team twice for China? I once wrote a post about you called “Hidden Voice Talents.” I hope you read it, but at the same time, it also mentioned Brad Garrett, so I’ll be kind of glad if you didn’t.

He Kexin, what’s it like to compete in the Olympics and actually be 16 years old this time?

What’s the matter, you are all big and tall now, and you no longer look like an action figure…I know that you and I are from different countries…countries which are enemies…but just think, in two years you will actually be able old enough to date me, meaning I know that you were 12 during Beijing 2008. I hope you go for that whole “older men are so attractive" mentality.

2008 = Way Too Young!

 Trust me, I am not set on breaking any laws (like how you faked your age for the last Olympics), and I am not willing to become the Chinese R. Kelly…so I will say, I have no problem waiting 2 years before you and I can eat stuff with chopsticks and elope, but not in that order. 

 Question for Kexin:

Anyway, I know you are like famous and such, but ever had the idea of getting into trouble with a foreigner, or is that only me?

Either way, wish you the best in the 2012 London Games.

(2 Years Older and We’re Kosher My Little Rice Pudding!!!!)