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An Open Letter to the Gymnast: He Kexin



***If only she knew those were my hands on her back.....
Dear He Kexin,
Hey, what’s up? Have you learned English yet?

So how is life making the Olympic Team twice for China? I once wrote a post about you called “Hidden Voice Talents.” I hope you read it, but at the same time, it also mentioned Brad Garrett, so I’ll be kind of glad if you didn’t.

He Kexin, what’s it like to compete in the Olympics and actually be 16 years old this time?
What’s the matter, you are all big and tall now, and you no longer look like an action figure…I know that you and I are from different countries…countries which are enemies…but just think, in two years you will actually be able old enough to date me, meaning I know that you were 12 during Beijing 2008. I hope you go for that whole “older men are so attractive" mentality.
2008 = Way Too Young!

 Trust me, I am not set on breaking any laws (like how you faked your age for the last Olympics), and I am not willing to become the Chinese R. Kelly…so I will say, I have no problem waiting 2 years before you and I can eat stuff with chopsticks and elope, but not in that order. 



 Question for Kexin:
Anyway, I know you are like famous and such, but ever had the idea of getting into trouble with a foreigner, or is that only me?
Either way, wish you the best in the 2012 London Games.
(2 Years Older and We’re Kosher My Little Rice Pudding!!!!)

Comments

  1. The author of this is disgusting. No matter what you believe when it comes to this gymnast's age (FIG did conclude their investigation about her age and she was found to be 16 years old), this article is just gross.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In all seriousness, I know. You are 100% correct. They conducted an investigation, and she passed.
      She has also been super confident about denying the allegations.

      Really, I am a major fan of He Kexin, and I was supporting her for Gold every step of the way. I just express it in a manner that is very difficult to understand :)

      Delete
  2. SHES MINE YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE! Keep your hands off my little Kexin! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Btch pls! 700 million women in China...we shouldn't fight over the same fortune cookie. (just let me win)

      Delete
    2. The only nerve I want to hit is the one between her..........

      Delete

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