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An Open Letter to Recently Separated Amy Poehler and Will Arnett

by Ursula, frequent guest writer

nooooooo
Dear Will and Amy,

Before I say anything else, just know this: you are awesome.  For
serious.  From Arrested Development to Blades of Glory to Parks and
Rec, your work has been some of my favorite comedy for years.  You
guys have been like my TV parents.  You’re funny, you’re reliable,
you’ve always been there for me.  I’m still waiting for you to pay off
my student loans for me, but whatever.

I get that Hollywood marriages typically only last a season or two,
and let’s be honest: Katy Perry and Russell Brand were never going to
make it.  But…you’re Will and Amy!  Nine years!  Two babies!  Are you
kidding me?

Okay, fine, I don’t know anything about y’all’s relationship, so I’m
just going to pretend that I do.  Will, you need to talk in your sexy
voice more.  Obviously you’re not doing it enough.  I also recommend a
nice Calvin Klein suit.  Amy, you might be a little high-strung, so
just try to relax.  You’re fine.  Everything is fine.

I just love you guys so much and if you get divorced I’m seriously
going to throw things.
 Work it out.  Eat some cake.  You’ll feel better.

Sincerely,
Ursula 
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