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2 Broke Girls recap: And the Pre-Approved Credit Card

And we are back, bitches. This week's episode of 2 Broke Girls was originally scheduled to air last week, but due to the unfortunate circumstances of Hurricane Sandy on the East Coast, CBS and The CW were forced to air reruns of their Monday night programming instead of new episodes, which were postponed to last Monday. What a terrible disaster. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some comic relief with another one of my special recaps. For some reason I feel weird posting on Saturdays, and as I've probably said before, I really wish I could post these earlier, but I'm usually busy. And lazy. And a perfectionist. Sometimes all at the same time.

Max is in the freezer trying to light a lipstick, which prompts Caroline to ask if she's smoking crack. She can't afford crack, or a new lipstick, so Max is going all Breaking Bad. "Breaking Bad? We're more like broke and sad," Caroline says. Meanwhile, one of Caroline's heels is starting to wobble, so Max hands her a piece of gum and says, "Here, stick this in and hold it. I swear I've said that before, but I don't think it was about shoes." You and I both, hun.

As the girls step outside, some buffed-up jerk is impatiently asking for the food he and his fellow meatball ordered. Max mocks him for being neckless, but the guy says he was busy looking at her boobs. "Well, I do what I can, but they'll never be as big as yours," she retorts before walking away like a boss. While bringing the guys' orders, Caroline accidentally trips on her wobbling heel and drops the food all over them. "Those are the biggest balls those guys have had in their laps since they started steroids," Max says.

As a result of her broken heel, Caroline masking-taped her Christian Louboutin to her leg. Sophie swings by for a visit, and upon learning that Caroline broke her shoe, she pulls her "gym shoes" (i.e., a pair of glittery high-heeled sandals) out of her purse and hands them to Caroline, who says she still has one pair of her own shoes to wear. "You should take them, you'll make $20 just walking to work," Max wittily remarks. Sophie also gives the girls their mail that got mixed in with hers, then leaves.

Caroline, going through the mail, finds a letter addressed to Max. "Let me explain: I'm not a Scientologist, I just went there one time because I heard some rich guy was looking for a wife," Max insists. That line killed me, to be honest. Actually, they've been pre-approved for a credit card, and all they have to do is go online and apply and they'll be approved in under two minutes. Max says she can't have a credit card because of her lack of self-control. After their application is processed, the girls are eventually approved for a credit card. Max is still skeptical, but Caroline says they need this card for their business. She also wants to buy a new pair of Louboutins, which Max declines. Caroline insists that she needs a new pair of shoes for business meetings: "You know what they say, 'Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.'"

At the diner, Earl tells Max that his son Darius is coming to town to visit him. Caroline arrives with their credit cards that just came in the mail. Darius (guest star Cedric the Entertainer) shows up looking for Earl, and Max is excited to meet him. Caroline explains to him that she's not usually this nice to customers, and Max tells her he's not a customer. "Don't you see the resemblance?" she asks. "Oh, my God, is he your father?" Caroline asks, somewhat awkwardly. This made me laugh so hard. "Yes. He's my father. And my mother is a piece of chalk," Max quips. Earl comes out of the kitchen and greets his son with a hug.

Max, Earl, Darius, and Han sit down to catch up. To cut a long story short, Darius announces that he quit his job at the Chrysler dealership in Detroit to pursue his dream to become a comedian (much to Earl's disbelief), which is why he's in town—to audition at the Comedy Club, using the stage name "Darius the Hilarious." He also crammed a few jokes into the conversation, most of them ending with the annoying tagline "You've gotta laugh." Another one of Caroline's heels breaks and she accidentally spills Darius' soup on the shirt he was going to wear for his audition. After Darius leaves to clean up his shirt, Max says they have to buy him a new shirt, but Caroline says they can't afford it. Max suggests they go shopping for a reasonable shirt, claiming they have to do it because "he's family."

The girls head down to the subway, with Caroline wearing Sophie's glittery shoes, since she refuses to wear flat shoes. Sophie's shoes are a few sizes too big for Caroline, causing her to lose her balance and fall. Max indicates the store where they're meeting Darius. He's in the fitting room trying a shirt on. A few minutes later, he comes out wearing a pink shirt and makes a gay joke. Caroline calls him out on his potentially offensive material, but Darius explains that he wrote some real jokes with a Jewish comic back home. Before Caroline can say anything, Max defends him saying that "it's so wrong it's right." Darius decides to try out his new material, telling a lame Smart Car joke. Max reacts with a fake laugh. After Darius goes back into the fitting room, Max tells Caroline that he sucks, but she's worried about him bombing in front of Earl. When the salesman comes back offering a suit to the girls, Max realizes that Darius needs a funny suit, as all the professional comedians wear them. Caroline also suggests a puppet.

At the comedy club, Max and the gang are waiting for Darius the Hilarious to hit the stage. Max and Caroline go to his dressing room to show him the puppet they got him, a beaver named—wait for it—Justin Beaver. "You don't even have to be funny because Justin Beaver does the work for you. Show him, Max," Caroline says, handing the puppet to Max. "I'm straight," Max says, playing with the puppet. "You gotta laugh!" both girls say, cracking up. "Do I? I mean, honestly? Making fun of Justin Beaver's sexuality? I find that a tad offensive," Darius says. The girls' reaction is priceless:

Gotta love these "invisible penis" moments

Darius goes onstage. He opens his act with the lame Smart Car joke, ending with the "You gotta laugh" tagline. No one laughs. He then starts offending the audience—first Han, then some random "gray-haired scrub." That's when everyone starts laughing. Caroline tells Max how proud Earl looks. A waitress tells Max that her card has been declined (she had earlier ordered a round of drinks for everyone at her table).

Earl says he's happy for what Max did to help Darius, so he decides to reimburse her for the clothes and the puppet. Having just talked to Visa, Caroline tells Max that apparently they were disappointed they had pre-approved them. After Max shows her credit card cut in two, the girls reveal that they both used their cards to make one last purchase for each other: Caroline bought Max "the fanciest lipstick Payless had," while Max got Caroline's shoes fixed. When it's time to cut up Caroline's card, she suggests they keep one card for business emergencies and put it someplace where they'll never be tempted to reach for it: Oleg's pants.

Current total: $1128.00

I have to say, I have mixed feelings about this episode. I mean, it's a grower and it does have its moments, but overall I didn't find it to be quite as strong as the previous episodes. I wonder if this episode could be a partially response to the show's detractors, who are constantly complaining about its allegedly racist humor (or whatever other petty reason they have to hate it). This became apparent to me in the scene where Max defends Darius' racist jokes saying "it's so wrong it's right." Or perhaps I might be reading too much into it. Either way, I'm sure everything will be back on track next week.

Oh, remember that headband hottie from last week's episode I was swooning over?

Well, I've recently found out that the actor's name is John Ruby. (I might have a little too much time on my hands.)

God, he's hot. Coincidentally, he also made a cameo on last week's Halloween episode of Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (which I also love, as you might already know), playing a guy in a fireman costume. Also, can you believe he's 35? John, if you're reading this, hit a ho up!

No one else probably cares, but I do, so... Whatever.

On a side note, my
review of Ellie Goulding's album Halcyon is still in the making. As I said in the beginning of the post, I'm fucking lazy. Hopefully, it'll be up by the end of this upcoming week. Bye!


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