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2 Broke Girls recap: And the Silent Partner

Max and Caroline are at the cupcake shop waiting for customers, but still no luck. A blonde woman looks like she might come in, but she gives a snobby look and just keeps walking. "Yeah, keep walking, ugly!" Max yells. "Ugly? She's like a supermodel," Caroline says. Max replies that she didn't come in and buy anything, therefore "she ugly." Caroline says that although business is slow, they don't have to drop to that level. However, when a tall, skinny guy also walks by without coming in, Caroline yells, "Keep walking, fatty!" "And he ugly," Max adds.

An elderly woman comes in asking how much the cupcakes are, but she leaves when Caroline says they cost $4. "Whore," the girls say at the same time, then laugh. The old whore—I mean, lady—comes back and offers them $3, but Caroline insists they're $4. "There's no one in here, you'll take what you get," the old woman says. "I'm in love with that whore," Max quips.

Andy drops by the diner as Caroline gets a call about the cupcakes, so she goes in the back to take it. He tells Max that he's nervous about telling Caroline something kind of big. "What? You have a secret family on Long Island? You have hep C? D? One of the new heps?" Max hilariously asks. He reveals he has plans to tell Caroline he loves her. Max says the diner isn't the kind of place where you tell someone "I love you," it's where you tell someone their sex change looks passable (oh, dear). Andy thinks he should just say because he feels it, but Max explains that if it didn't happen to Kate Hudson in some stupid romantic comedy, then it won't work for Caroline: "If you could arrange for it to rain, or run after her to the airport in the rain, but somehow end up on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day, that'd be best."

Caroline comes back saying she sold three dozen cupcakes. Andy leaves without telling Caroline he loves her, intent on coming up with a more rom-com-esque way to do so. Max asks Oleg for the food, but Han shows up in the window instead. He tells the girls that Oleg left because Sophie came back from Poland very depressed after finding out she was scammed—turns out there was no house, and the contractor ripped off her money. Caroline suggests they stop by after work to see how she is doing and bring her some cupcakes. Han thinks the girls should pay the $20,000 loan back to her, but Caroline insists it was a gift.

On their way to Sophie's apartment, Max has doubts as to whether the money Sophie gave them really was a gift, but Caroline is sure about it, and recalls that when she had money, she gave it out freely and never expected anything in return. As soon as Oleg opens the door, he asks the girls if they brought the check. He says Sophie is too depressed to eat or have sex, which is a problem for him because he finds depressed women very hot. "A lot of guys do. Why do you think I haven't paid for a drink in six years?" Max says. Same here, girlfriend. They go into Sophie's room, where she's lying in bed. Oleg reminds her that she loaned money to the girls, and Caroline insists once again that it was a gift.

The girls brought Sophie her favorite cupcake, vanilla with a bacon fat drizzle, but she's too sad to eat. Because she's in mourning, Sophie says she's only wearing black now, as she shows her black panties. "Um, you're not wearing any panties," Max awkwardly points out after getting an unwanted peek under the covers, prompting Sophie to apologize for "that wild mess down there." Ewwwww! She ultimately confesses it's not about the money, and she's actually sad because she lost her dream of the lake house. Max offers her to be part of their cupcake shop as a silent partner, although Caroline doesn't really seem on board. Following such exciting news, Sophie announces she's getting her appetite back—and her sex drive as well. As soon as he hears this, Oleg rushes into the room and starts stripping off, which naturally sends Max and Caroline running!

It's not what it looks like

Max later apologizes to Caroline for the offer, but Caroline says it's nice to know she has such a big heart. "It's not my heart. What I saw down there changed me. It looks like something an animal built to live in for the winter," Max says. Yuck! Mental image alert. When they go into their cupcake shop, they find Sophie's blue chandelier hanging. "Is this the Polish version of a home invasion?! They break in and leave something tacky?" Caroline says. Sophie comes out of the kitchen, and Caroline tells her it's not their style. Sophie also announces that they now sell hoagies.

While Caroline is taking a phone call, Andy is in the hall gesturing for Max to come out. He tells her that he made a list of possible ways to tell Caroline her loves her, after watching four chick flicks back-to-back. First he considers playing a song for her on a boombox a la John Cusack in Say Anything..., but Max warns him that if he does it outside their apartment, she'll shoot him. He also has the idea of sharing cocoa and a hot dog on the ice rink in Central Park. "Yup, that's it. Makes me wanna take my head off and throw it into the street," she says.

When Max comes back inside, she notices the unpleasant smell coming from the hoagies. As if that wasn't awful enough, Sophie decides they now sell pickled eggs and scratch cards. Stacy, a girl who went to Wharton with Caroline, comes in to say hello. She is surprised that Caroline owns that little cupcake shop, so Caroline makes up a story about owning a cupcake empire, saying that was their new Williamsburg location. Stacy says she works upstairs in the same building, much to Caroline's dismay. "You could move to Narnia and run that branch, you pathological liar," Max tells Caroline after Stacy leaves.

Caroline insists they need to clear out Sophie and the other stuff, so Max offers to talk to her. Sophie comes out and suggests the girls dress up as cupcakes and pass out free samples. When Max is about to fire her, Sophie explains that their generosity has given her a reason to get up and get a wax (LOL). The girls eventually agree to put on the cupcake costumes. "I look like Honey Boo Boo's mom at the prom," Caroline says. Pardon if I sound mean, but I just can't get over how completely disgusting Honey Boo Boo's mother looks—and she's only 33!

"Now I know how Tyra felt when she went undercover as that fat person," Caroline laments. I just did some digging and found out she really did that back in 2005. Sophie tells the girls to shake their "cake maker" and hand out the free samples to people, but seeing how unwilling they seem, she decides to go out and bring the customers to them. Andy shows up, and Max hints it's the perfect time for Andy to tell Caroline he loves her, but Sophie comes back with a few young girls, including Stacy. Caroline panics and rushes inside the cupcake shop, but her costume causes her to trip and fall. Max runs to help her up, with some difficulty. Sophie comes in saying the customers ran away, and Caroline is relieved that they missed Stacy.

Max reveals to Caroline that Andy was about to tell her he loves her at the ice rink, and he's been trying to tell her all week. "But I've been too preoccupied with work, like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal," Caroline says. She asks Max why she didn't tell her sooner, and Max replies, "Because when it comes to other people's creepy love stuff, that's when I'm a silent partner. And you need to stop with this creepy rom-com stuff, life isn't like a movie. Sometimes you're not a success right away. Sometimes you have to just eat it and be a cupcake. And sometimes you have to take your 'I love you' whichever way it comes."

Caroline realizes she doesn't have to wait for the moment to be perfect, like it was for Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. "I can do it my own way. Like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding," she says, then runs across the hall to Andy's store. He is in a room Caroline thinks is an office, but she says it can't wait, so she bursts the door and ends up getting stuck in it. Turns out it's actually the bathroom, and Andy is going number two. "Well, I'm on the toilet and you're in a cupcake—can't get creepier than this, so, Caroline... I love you," he says. "I love you too," Caroline replies, smiling, then asks him to push her out.

Max asks if it was romantic, and Caroline says he told her he loved her while on the toilet. "Oh, man! That's my dream scenario!" Max says. Sophie shows up in a cupcake costume to show the girls how it's done, and starts offering free cupcake samples around like a cuckoo.

I know, I never thought I'd live to see Stifler's mom dressed up as a giant cupcake

Current total: $3,328.00

I really loved all the rom-com references. Also, fun fact: I suppose most of you know by now that Sophie and Stifler's mom are portrayed by the same actress, right? But did you know that the actress that plays Caroline, Beth Behrs, also starred in an American Pie film in 2009? Namely American Pie Presents: The Book of Love. I have yet to check it out myself, though. Well, that's all for now.


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