My Day at Coachella

9 AM: Get into my favorite Urban Outfitters attire and put on a headdress. Ready to party, guys!
9:30 AM: Drink a kombucha latte in a field.
9:45 AM: Call Mom and ask to borrow her credit card again.

11 AM: After listening to the Guns and Roses set (featuring Kanye on vocals), I end up in the 26-mile-long line for the bathroom.
11:30 AM: End up in Taylor Swift's squad. How did I get here? I just walked into it!

12 PM: Am ejected from Taylor's squad. Forever shamed, forever 21.

HEARTBREAK IS MY NATIONAL ANTHEM

12:30 PM: Run into hologram of Chubby Checker. Run away, screaming.

1 PM: Call Mom again.

1:50 PM: Trade my gladiator sandals for flower crown from Lana Del Ray. Later realize it was James Franco incognito.

3 PM: End up coloring adult coloring books with Justin Bieber while LCD Soundsystem (reunited!) plays.

3:45 PM: Snapchat!!!

5 PM: Wake up w/ flower crown stolen. Sob. More shame ensues.

7 PM: Add Lena Dunham to my LinkedIn network.

9 PM: Fall asleep in a Dinojump while EDM plays. Mom picks me up later in her minivan.

Comments

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The Useless Critic 2.0

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