My Day at Coachella

9 AM: Get into my favorite Urban Outfitters attire and put on a headdress. Ready to party, guys!
9:30 AM: Drink a kombucha latte in a field.
9:45 AM: Call Mom and ask to borrow her credit card again.

11 AM: After listening to the Guns and Roses set (featuring Kanye on vocals), I end up in the 26-mile-long line for the bathroom.
11:30 AM: End up in Taylor Swift's squad. How did I get here? I just walked into it!

12 PM: Am ejected from Taylor's squad. Forever shamed, forever 21.

HEARTBREAK IS MY NATIONAL ANTHEM

12:30 PM: Run into hologram of Chubby Checker. Run away, screaming.

1 PM: Call Mom again.

1:50 PM: Trade my gladiator sandals for flower crown from Lana Del Ray. Later realize it was James Franco incognito.

3 PM: End up coloring adult coloring books with Justin Bieber while LCD Soundsystem (reunited!) plays.

3:45 PM: Snapchat!!!

5 PM: Wake up w/ flower crown stolen. Sob. More shame ensues.

7 PM: Add Lena Dunham to my LinkedIn network.

9 PM: Fall asleep in a Dinojump while EDM plays. Mom picks me up later in her minivan.

Comments

Give JR a Break

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No Time to Fuck: The Goldfrapp Essay

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Spotlight/Shoutout: OG Mudbone (One Year of S/S)

!!!ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! Can you believe it's been a year already since Spotlight/Shoutout started off on the third Thursday of August? The first ever s/s went to Kyle MacLachlan, and then the spotlight was stolen by OG Mudbone...........the funniest man on earth according to some Youtube videos. For those of you who do not know, OG is an FOC "Freak of Co*k" adult film actor. And yes, I censored the C word, just in case the word cock offends anyone. OG Mudbone takes the 1 year prize because he's enormous (and he shoots and scores), and it doesn't matter if his adult entertainment masterworks are real or fake. His foul mouth is more exciting than many. Seriously, get some google images. height="385"> In other news, Spotlight/Shoutout has had some great ups this year. I hope there are many more to come, and indeed there will be. QATFYG: If anyone has seen his films, can you still drink soymilk? I can't! Happy 1 year!! s/s

The Useless Critic 2.0

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