The Useless Critic 2.0

All the leaves in my desolate neck of the woods have fallen, and no that’s not some bastardized metaphor. In all seriousness, it’s actually cold as a witch’s tit, and the orange and red are scattered on the ground and turning brown, and there is nothing left but a reminder that winter is going to painstakingly annoy some of us for a long six months. I better stock up on hot chocolate and find out if the Russian girl next door speaks English. Fall is slipping away faster than we know, and already, the plastic Christmas trees are for sale in my Wal-Mart. I guess, they don’t really have to put on a big display for Thanksgiving. Although, the attractive coffee girl at my nearest coffeehouse (who for some reason ignores me over all other people on Earth) was wearing a pair of sweatpants the other day, which red in big red letters GOBBLERS. Heh, what a slut? However, it at least that moment provided some acid for the imagination…No offense to her, if she actually is a slut. Last night, I hap...

Dear Dearest Jamie Lee Curtis But Only from 1978, QATFYG: So do you ever wonder if you could travel back in time? Well, I sure do because I was rather intrigued with your performance in Halloween from 1978. WINK! I know that you pretended to play a very timid, naive, and confused girl in the film where your Uncle Michael runs around and chops people up like they are calamari, fresh tuna, or salmon. However, I sensed something different about your performance. I was pretty sure you were into a guy like me. I do not have a real solid reason, but I will say that I'm glad you like Halloween candy because I'm as sweet as a gobstopper. If you come by my house some time, we can do trick or treat, and I hope you pick the treat option because the trick would ultimately lead to some sort of felony. Anyway, I rather enjoyed that one film you were in as well....oh yes...Halloween: Resurrection...with Busta Rhymes WINK! Yours Truly, Busta Rhymes

Right now I am waging a very public war about whether or not I want to spend the money to see Mr. Ryan Adams this December. word on the street is his new album is good. I BET IT IS.  anyway, this song will always remind me of my first love in high school. I listened to this song and thought about her on long, winding busrides home. It didn't click with me how good of a song this was UNTIL that point, because up until then my mind considered it the "9/11 song." (because VH1 played this non-stop after 9/11). NOTHING EVER BECAME OF THAT, BUT WHATEVS. Found myself a picture that would fit in the folds Of my wallet and it stayed pretty good Still amazed I didn't lose it on the roof of the place When I was drunk and I was thinking of you Every day the children they were singing their tune Out on the streets and you could hear from inside Used to take the subway up to Houston and 3rd I would wait for you and I'd try to hide Now I live here and this s...

Hey! So if you are lucky enough to find yourself in BROOKLYN these days I have some concerts for you. AHEM.  SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16TH:   https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=169155806502284 this concert's deetz: 9pm-Cassie Ramone (Vivian Girls) http://www.facebook.com/pa ges/Cassie-Ramone/15688396 1041492?sk=wall 2.Sweet Tooth http://www.facebook.com/pa ges/Sweet-Tooth/1899135110 69158 3.Acid Baby Jesus (Greece) http://www.last.fm/music/A cid+Baby+Jesus 4.Xray Eyeballs http://xrayeyeballs.bandca mp.com/ 5.Davilla 666 (PR) http://allover.bandcamp.co m/track/davila-666-yo-seri a-otro http://www.myspace.com/dav ila666 http://www.facebook.com/pa ges/Davila-666/27884872677 2 http://www.last.fm/music/D %C3%A1vila+666 + DJs 8:30pm-11pm- Charles Gaskins (Killer Diller Records, garagepunknyc.com, Hullabaloo!) 11pm- 1am- Frank Favia (AZ) 1am-3am- Juan Wauters (The Beets) + Record stalls from -Kanine Records -Impose -Oops Baby -Killer Diller ...

Today's pick is... POCAHONTAS! why:  BECAUSE IT'S COLUMBUS DAY. question:   isn't the whole Native American saga depressing? if I ever go get my masters in something kind of useless, it's going to be Native American poetry.

I love Lifetime movies, and there is no reason why you shouldn’t. Well, that was the flimsiest lie of the century. I would alter the statement to say that I sometimes watch Lifetime movies, and they are often rubbish. Most recently: “Betrayed at 17.” I will include spoilers: It’s a rather interesting idea about a girl that has her life turned upside down as a guy secretly films them having sex, and then, the video is stolen by a vengeful skank and spread across the internet. Then, in shock the defiled girl runs out of a house screaming and gets hit by a car! No silliness intended. I am not an expert on screenwriting, direction, or cinematography, but I will tell you that killing off the hottest girl in the film after only 15 minutes was not a good idea. This film is not really a mystery, instead it follows a variety of people trying to track the identity of the vengeful skank. After she is trapped in the corner, the vengeful skank murders her way out, and she continues falling into a ...

After way too long, Herman Cain is back on The UC! A lot of politicians release books on their campaign trails. They do this to spread their ideas…to gain awareness from the public…and of course to have another excuse to end up on television. What’s the difference between Herman Cain's book and other books by politicians? I actually read this one. It is a very fast read. It’s not as fast moving as Harry Potter, but I was able to read the entirety in a few hours at a Barnes and Noble. It chronicles his life of humble beginnings, and then, it expands into his journeys climbing the corporate ladders to become a CEO. There is also talk of what it was like for a black man to work in the hardnosed corporate world during the Civil Rights Era. The book is fine, but it is by no means an over-the-top convincing hook that will pull in people to his campaign, and it will by no means change the minds of undecided voters. Most of the book is the equivalent of reading his Wikipedia and watching s...