The Useless Critic 2.0

This has been one strange year. In fact in many ways it has been a roller coaster of year. All that means is that there have been many highs of 2011, and there have also been many many lows where things just fall down to a deep unsatisfying level, and you wait with strong anticipation for the highs to return. This is now New Year's Eve, and it is time for reflection on the last 12 months, and one can only wonder what 2012 will hold. Some of the highlights of 2011: 1. Arab Uprisings: Most Famously Egypt, Tunisia, and of course Libya. 2. Ron Paul Supporters Dominate the Internet 3. The great Steve Jobs passed away. 4. Steve Jobs' postmortem Bio Book is a major hit. 5. Selena Gomez and Leighton Meester did a movie together. 6. Congress fell to a 9% approval rating. 7. Hannah Montana had a lousy finale. 8. Wendy's has a new cheesy cheddar burger. 9. Charlie Sheen charmed audiences with his one man show. 10.Casey Anthony murdered her daughter (or did she?) 11. Nancy Grace became...

Remember my best of 2011 posts? ME TOO.  ... anyway, before this year is all but a bad and blurry memory, I want to share with you two songs I really appreciated from 2011. And before we get any farther, what's with Enrique Iglesias actually making decent dance music now? What gives, weird world? First of all, Jennifer Lopez had a surprisingly strong/decent comeback this year. which you wouldn't think but there you go. it happened. well, she did drop ratboy, so. everytime my bff and I went to the gay bar, I swear this played. gays love J.LO idk and also, THIS gem, which I am SO ASHAMED of forgetting: LOVE HURTS, WHETHER IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG this song was how I chose to greet 2011. sufficient to say, it was, um. apt.  what what what what the hell

1. Katie Perry made a million dollars by copying a t.A.T.u song. 2. Hitler killed and son named president of Iraq. 5. Larry King fired from talk show and replaced with Pierce Brosnan 3. Mitt Romney considered likely candidate for Mormonism 4. Charlie Sheen precluded from having sex and doing drugs on TV after having sex and doing drugs in real life. 6. Actor fired from Grey's Anatomy Please edit to include more egregious things that happened in 2011

I submitted this book review to a local magazine back in May of 2011. They told me to edit a lot. I was lazy and distracted, so I let it rot in my gmail for several months. Lo and behold, I present to you my last real post of 2011, following with my newly set tradition of having last year posts needing to deal with books... from some time in May that I cannot remember A smart person never judges a book by its cover. Admittedly, I am not a smart person.  When I picked up Bossypants by the current thinkingwoman's icon, Tina Fey, I thought "what remarkably hairy forearms she has."  Truth is, besides the forearms, you can deduce a lot from the Bossypants cover. You see the trademark Fey face, devoid of the spectacles that have made her a pop culture staple, staring at you with this amused smirk. And why shouldn't she be amused? She's very successful, and you and I will likely never be on her eschelon.  She also knows every single story contained between ...

It has been absolutely forever since I posted about "Hidden Voice Talents" and Chinese Gymnast He Kexin's music videos. He Kexin on The UC: CLICK HERE Now I have finally found a new song from a Chinese Gymnast, Xiao Sha. I wish I had a title to share, but this is a great smooth energy song and video. It is entertaining, and there is a spirit sense of making music exciting. She's a fine singer, but there is a chance there is some lip syncing, dubbing, or karaoke going on. Even if that is the case, I don't see it as an issue. It's exciting. I like exciting! QATFYG: Would you score with Shawn Johnson? *I wouldn't :P* Is that surprising?

When people think of beauty, which words come to mind? In USA the two words "Trinidad and Tobago" are probably not the first ones on the brain; however, it takes only one look at any of the Miss Universe competitions from the last two decades, and a different impression of Trinidadian hotness can easily be created. Number Four on the countdown graciously goes to Gabrielle Walcott, the 2011 Miss Trinidad and Tobago. She has a fair-skinned look for a Trinidadian, but she captures a lot of overlooked features of the multi-ethnic country. Her look is bold and impressive. As a beauty queen, she shows off the glamor rather well, and it's fair to say she looks good on Magazine Covers. Pleasure Zone Heh! QATFYG: Who is going to top this at Number 3?

Christmas 2011 wasn't especially horrible or great for me. It was just kind of there; an okay, quiet day in a stretch of chaos. It was the first year we had it just at home, which is kind of a bummer. I don't always have the greatest memories of my grandmother, but her house this time of year was tradition. I can still remember sitting on the white sofa in the living room once done eating, just listening to Christmas music and my cousins bickering around me, trying to center myself. but that is all the past. this year my cousins did their own thing on Jaysus' birthday, leaving me, my parents, and my siblings to fend for ourselves.  sometimes my mom comes up with big ideas she thinkssss will be amazing and tries to gently implement into our standing traditions. my family isn't big on change. my father is very much into (well, what appears like) black-and-white thinking. if my father were a caveman, I feel he'd say something like this:  FIRE! WHY DO WE NEEDS FIRE! ...

Gather around children, to hear a story as old as time and Joan Rivers THE USELESS CRITIC NON-EXISTENT RADIO THEATER I MEAN THINK LIKE THE SHADOW  SHIT SERIOUSLY THAT'S WHAT THIS IS DRAMATIC ORGANS AND STUFF PRESENTS A CHRISTMAS TELEPLAY FOR 2011 A.D. OR C.E. IF YOU DO THAT PC SHIT I DON'T THE KRAMPUS MEETS THE KARDASHIANS I want to preface by saying I know virtually nothing about this family. All I know comes from gossip blogs and People magazine and Cara's mouth. ha, Cara's mouth. lololol so bear with me. It is Christmas Eve on the Bravo channel. Trashy television fills the air. In a mansion, similar to that one above picturedm, the Kardashians and their cohorts are sipping expensive alcohols and sitting around a fire and a gigantic, godlike fiberoptic tree.   KRIS JENNER/MOM:   Does anyone want to eat a Christmas bird? A gamelike specimen? KHLOE:     I want a baby, but my ovaries are full of jello. HER BASKETBALL PLAYER HUSBAND:   Just your...

I have a dream that one day Minneapolis will be considered the beehive of music activity. Not Brooklyn or LA or Seattle... Minneapolis . Will these sort of punk/sort of surf rockers that would be considered POST-TRENDY if it was a genre Howler do the most literate city in America proud? probably, I'd venture a guess. as they listen to NPR and drink coffee. But put your finger on these boys becoming huge in the upcoming year. Well, at least in the indie side of things. seriously they list street drugs as their influences. street drugs do crazy things. ask Santa Clause.  here is my personal favorite: I like both! HAIL KRAMPUS!

for like a scene, but pssssh. that's my mall!  THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE

check her facebook !  it's free!  it's more poppy than her other stuff....if that makes sense? 

There are so many reasons why I shouldn't love this song. The title. La Roux. That's pretty much it. But this song is amazing and I almost hate myself for that but then I realize it's Jay-Z and Kanye West and I don't.

In case you live in Erie (I'm sorry, I'm stuck here too for a while!) you PROBABLY heard about the horrific accident involving a little girl waiting for her bus. If not, you can read about it here .  One advantage about living in a sort of small town is the ability of people to rally in times such as these. So if you want to help, here are some ways: - if you go to any Northwest Savings Bank (maybe visit their site? not sure, I never had an account with them) you can make a donation to her family. Cards and gifts can be sent to her family....check it out here . - also, there's some kind of fundraiser at the Metropolitian Dance Club on Jan. 7. Of course, that is also covered in the article. So if you can, please do so. 

This time of year, I love nothing more than watching the movie trailers for all the movies that are a.) either coming out to make the Oscar cut or b.) coming out in 2012.  LET'S LOOK AT THE CURRENT CONTENDERS FOR THINGS THAT CAN KEEP MY INTEREST things that do not qualify: - pop-up books, albeit awesome - the hosts of the View CONTENDAH #1 "I coulda been someone. I coulda been a CONTENDAH." Shut up Marlon Brando yadda yadda OKAY. WE HAVE FIVE SECONDS OF MARION COTILLARD IN HERE. um, the Pittsburgh Steelers and maybe Anne Hathaway won't totally suck as Catwoman? she actually looks hot and scary and slutty. yay! but this doesn't come out until 2012. wah wah wah. damn you, Chris Nolan! I HATE YOU sooner.... have you seen the posters for this? SOME RAD CALLIGRAPHY GOING ON IN HERE. anyway, Meryl can do no wrong. she's probably not mortal.  somewhat weird... ERM...... I recently saw The Descendants  and it was very good....

You know I love my Swedes. This is who I am unmistakably am. And it's intrinsic to my nature as being bald is to Dr. Phil and having a big ass is to Kim Kardashian. So when I heard of the artist known as "I'm  Kingfisher," I just had to give him a chance. What is there to say about Kingfisher aka Thomas Denver Jonsson? Well, he's both indie pop and anti-folk. His FOURTH solo album,  Arctic , has just been released. There is a trilogy going forward (exciting) and he lives in Lund, Sweden most of the time. And there is more to this man than that obviously. READ ON:  How would you describe your music to someone unfamiliar with it? Thomas:  I currently describe it as a mix between indie pop and anti-folk. When I started about a decade ago I labelled my music as lofi country, then proceeded through the descriptions alt.country, americana and indie/folk. I know I might not do too extreme steps here, but my very long time plan is to  go seaml...

It's really set to be released in March ( Anxiety ) but beat the holiday rush! Go to Modular People and set your order NOWNOWNOWNOW. added this shirt to my holiday wishlist

?-2011 As said in the last post, this is a strange day for news. Not only is the media finally acknowledging that Ron Paul is at the top of the polls, but North Korea's Leader Kim Jong Il has passed away after a heart attack on a train. But QATFYG: What does this mean for the world? On the important notes: Well, Kim Jong Il was the world's largest customer and consumer of Hennessy Cognac. Who is going to take his place? :O Gasp! 안녕하세요. 미국에서 안녕하세요. 당신이 인터넷이 없어. 그러나 미국과 북한 사이의 평화를 지원합니다. 나는 모든 기근을 종료 지원합니다. 나는 사람들을 지원합니다.

Surprise! It's official, Ron Paul is at the top of the polls in Iowa. Newt Gingrich is falling faster than he can count. Mitt Romney is always in second, and Ron Paul is now the official frontrunner in Iowa with 23% support. Look at some of the things people are saying: there's a light at the end of the tunnel finally, America the Republic might show its face once more. Posted by: Carson Hopper | December 18, 2011 at 11:58 PM Kollin Curtis Ron Paul 2012! Posted by: Kollin Curtis | December 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM DerekB Brilliant! Posted by: DerekB | December 19, 2011 at 12:03 AM Buck would love to see ron paul go up against obama in a national debate. the american people's head would explode. QATFYG: Be Honest, who is your candidate? One thing is certain. It's going to be a weird day for the news.

ANIMAL HATS WHY? WHERE DID IT COME FROM? I first noticed these hats- all the rage of 2011, ESPECIALLY among the pre-puberty set - on one of my regular jaunts around New York City. and I mean jaunts, because really, I walked an awful lot. and I was like "oh cute! la la la!"  Cue the next 20000 times I ran into these hats, mostly worn by small girls in large groups...or Azns. When they made an appearance in good ol' Erie PA, I knew it was a problem. Naturally, I did the thing I do best and asked my mom if they were complimentary to my rather strange-shaped head (they named me biggest head in eighth grade, and also someone accidentally put me down as cutest, and a group of boys burst into a fit of laughter and I haven't been the same since). she said something to the effect of "those are meant for children Brittany." Flash forward to YESTERDAY (time is not linear here!) when Ursula and I were walking about Chicago...lo and behold, I counted two adults w...

By guest writer Amelia. "The movie was good even though that's so impossible." :P

After catching this video from WuMaame TV, and seeing their set of African Pick Up Lines, The UC is going to challenge them to see if we can outdo them. Why? Because there is a lot of Africa to go around. WuMaame TV’s lines are pretty good such as “Be my first wife.” And “Is your father a terrorist? Cos your body is da bomb.” The UC African Pick Up Lines: You’re so hot, you make the Kalahari look like a kindergarten sandbox. Hope you like it rough cos am gonna be da Lion, and you gonna be da Wildebeest. I will ride you like a gorilla trying to hump a camel….dats right Insane! Afterwards, I’ll buy you the goat you wanted. You’re so hot, you make the jungle look like a white man’s golf course. You can call me Nile, cos this is longest one you’ll ever see. If you come back to my place, I’ll feed you….hope you like meat. Waka Waka Hey Hey, it’s time for something big to go into Africa. I know you’re a scammer, but I’d still be up for phone sex. Lastly, American Passport! (nuff said) PS: T...

Summer Camp is a very cool duo of a boy and a girl (English indie pop stars Jeremy Warmsley and cool, almost Saint Etienne-voiced Elizabeth Hartney) that seems popular this time of year especially, due to their abundance of Christmas songs. I think a lot of people shy away from making holiday music, especially those folks in the indieverse. Not these guys! They welcome it and do a mighty fine job of it, too. So, as procedure, I tried to get to interview them and lo and behold, they were fast responders. Thus, my interview with a band you should be listening to, ESPECIALLY if you want to be cool with your Christmas music, Summer Camp! How did you guys join forces originally? Summer Camp:  In October 2009, Elizabeth gave Jeremy a mix-tape which included the song "I Only Have Eyes For You" by the Flamingos. They thought it might be fun to record a cover version - Jeremy had his own studio, although Elizabeth had never sung before. We  recorded it and pu...

Dear CNBC Critic @CNBCcritic, In response to your latest review comments on Melissa Lee from "Squawk on the Street," "Fast Money," and "Money in Motion," where you stated, and I quote "@cnbc Melissa Lee looks like an Elf." Well, in all reality, I happen to be Melissa Lee's biggest fan. I also the biggest fan of Sean Hannity and Pippa Middleton (not that it's important). However, keeping things short... So CNBC Critic, in the famous words of Tom Cruise: "Take a step back...AND FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!" I am so wired right now.