The Useless Critic 2.0

Summary: I love JGL, I love ScarJo. I don't understand porn. That being said, this looks amazing. See also - Tony "Angels In the Outfield" Danza, Julianne "Cougar" Moore. See here- It comes out this fall. I am excited! I wish it was sooner though. Oh and I guess I'm back. 

My friend Alyssa will be featured in a Bushwick art show. Yes like "Girls." But I don't watch "Girls" that often. Okay, you can view her art at her website ( click here ).  It's happening all weekend   at the Ange Noir Cafe at 247 Varet Street. NO I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE THAT IS.  Diana Abi Khalil is curating it. Other featured artists: Emmanuel Germond, and Michael Linton Simpson (a.k.a. Percy Feils). Here's the facebook event so you know it's legit. 

Every. Single. Time. When this commercial comes on the T.V. my Italian Greyhound howls his lil' lungs out. I don't' know if it's a dog thing, if there is some sort of tone our human ears can't pick up, or if my dog just hates lawyers, but what ever it is, it's creepy. If you have a dog, particularly a hound, give it a try. I'm dying to know what causes it!    Or maybe he's just broken O.o

 Episode 8 Second Sons

Hey, guys. I apologize for yet another late post, I just had a lot going last week. Sti ll , I obviously wouldn't miss out on recapping the second season finale of 2 Broke Girls . Shall we? Han puts everyone in charge of tidying up the diner for health inspection. He is so determined to get an A rating that he even made Oleg wear a more conventional attire—as opposed to his usual tank tops—and three hairnets. "Is he making omelets or crystal meth?" Max mocks. Caroline comes in after Han paid her to get her nails done so she would be his "show pony" for when the health inspector shows up. Max asks Han why she didn't get a beauty treatment too, and in response, he pays her $75 to stay away from the diner. While at the nail salon, Caroline heard about a branding seminar for business owners that she wants to attend with Max, who is reluctant. "I went to a seminar once. I was almost married to 300 Koreans." The health inspector arrives. She se...

Personally, I find this fascinating.  Also- THANK YOU, UC readers. Sometimes it's easy to get let down by a lack of legit progress - but to have any readers at all is always encouraging. Thank you. 

SPOILERS    Okay. Now that I have had a few days to sit on it, I am finally ready to review the new Star Trek Into Darkness movie: WHAT THE F*CK J.J.?  This concludes my review of Star Trek Into Darkness . No but really… So I got to see the new movie. Not the midnight showing forum I desired, but all the same. Right off the bat we are thrust into a situation in which Spock is being lowered into an active volcano. It is at this time we get to hear the famous, “needs of the many,” quote. This quote was one of the most BEAUTIFUL and PASSIONATE moments in the entirety of the Star Trek series and is clumsily rushed in as Spock is about to die. Alone. For a developing species which KIRK ALREADY LEAD AWAY FROM DANGER, BY THE WAY. It is because of this incident that the whole idea of the Prime Directive gets brought up. Side note, the Prime Directive was nowhere near as prominent in the Original Series as it was in Nex...

Hello all!  I know I haven't given this award in a while, but I think this particular story demands it. Again- Phoenix finds itself in the crosshairs here.  Now, I'm not in the restaurant business, but dear god! Isn't the purpose of any business to draw in customers? And that's exactly what the Scottsdale-based company is NOT doing. Rather, they are running in the opposite direction. HUH? Apparently Amy (with God on her side) believes her restaurant is the target of cyberbullies. Which, if you consider stories such as the Amanda Todd case, is an insult to cyberbully victims everywhere. When you treat the public the way they seem to be doing and when you serve food poorly- people write bad reviews online! It's the nature of the beast. I guess they are closed right now until some kind of grand re-opening next week, but even Gordon Ramsay thought this restaurant was beyond help. Which says something ? MEOW MEOW MEOW Here's to hoping those pe...

Song of the Day Vampire Weekend is back! *looks for her Madras shirt* BENIHANA AMY'S BAKING COMPANY (more on that later) IZOD I'm 25 today. I feel ancient!

Episode 7 The Bear and the Maiden Fair I thought this episode was a bit slower than the rest this season. I still liked it, plus George RR Martin himself wrote this ep, and you can't go wrong with that. It was more introspective, and it set up a lot of plot points for the next three installments which, if the novel is any indication, will be so fucking insane . So enjoy this down time while you can!

Song of the Day Gorgeous. If you like Grimes and whatnot, you should adore Blue Hawaii. I've been kind of depressed all weekend and this song is resonating with me so much right now. I'm glad to see 2013's new music has been awesome.  p.s. I love the album cover. I'm a sucker for ones like those (i.e. Washed Out's "Within and Without").

Mocha got a piece of bedding in her vagina this morning. How I know is she's such a dark little guinea pig and her new bedding is white. So it looked like she had a white piece of straw hanging out of her. At first I was grossed out. I don't look at my pigs' vajajays all that often. I just happened to see it today. So after some thinking, I pulled it out. Which actually took like a MINUTE. (It was a big piece).  And as I did this, I was like "Jesus, I'm actually pulling something out of my guinea pig's genitals. This is weird ." Then I realized moms do this kind of shit all the time. Happy Mothers' Day!

Song of the Day (MARION COTILLARD!) I love the ending. "THANK YOU EVERYONE! *gong*" People really shouldn't be surprised by this video. Disturbed, maybe . But it's David Bowie.  It's a good song, though. 

"The Great Gatsby" came out yesterday, which marks a moment I've waited for most of my life.  I understand reviews have been mixed and Baz Luhrmann is a little goofy, but I don't care. This is worth it.  I'll probably see it this weekend and then I'll likely post a shapeless review of sorts as per normal. Right now though, some jerk woke me up and I feel bleak so Ima review the soundtrack, SONG BY SONG. You're all such lucky people! Baz Luhrmann films, if not known for camp and being over the top, are known for their soundtracks. "Romeo + Juliet," "Moulin Rouge." The Jay-Z curated "Gatsby" soundtrack is no different. It's a stream of hits...and some misses.  Here are my thoughts. Please note it's almost 4 A.M. in Phoenix. No, I'm not drunk. I was asleep until 1:15-ish when some frat goons came running by my apartment, gabbing. Assholes. "100$ Bill" - Jay-Z: I like this track a whol...

Before anything else, there's just one thing I'd like to announce: The Carrie Diaries has been officially renewed for a second season!!!!! And this is for the h8rs: Now on to the recap... Max complains to Caroline about a customer who tipped her in Monopoly money. Han shows up wearing a baseball uniform, only to be mocked by the girls. He announces that he is putting a team together for the restaurant league, but no one seems really eager to play, except for Caroline. She throws the ball and it hits Han right in the nuts. The poor thing walks away in pain as he mentions he forgot to put on a protective cup. The girls go to visit Caroline's father, Martin Channing, in prison. Caroline wonders why he wanted to see them. "He probably wants a conjugal visit," Max says. "Max!" Caroline exclaims. "Relax! With me," Max clarifies. Martin comes in and tells them that Sandra Rosenthal, a woman who used to work for him, is being ...