The Useless Critic 2.0

on this Memorial Day: if I was the producer of some high-end Hollywood film I would stick this song in there. this girl has a lot of talent; watch out for her!

So! Uffie finally released her debut LP / mp3 leak. Let’s talk about that. Some of the other blogs have been saying people are just going to illegally download this with the internet connections they’re stealing from their neighbors instead of buying it— this seemed like fussy cynicism the first several times I skimmed over it, but the Uffie we’ve been becoming acquainted with during the past several years from her singles and pant-less photo shoots is only found on Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans because those same A-sides are included on it. Is this lazy? It might be! Leading off a new album with the same version of a four-year old song, particularly when it doesn’t sound like the 13 others in either style or content, seems like a curious way to introduce an established artist to a wider audience while simultaneously being a bit patronizing to the people who have been waiting years and years for this album to leak so we they can yawn about and delete it without giving it any kind of cha...

So guess what? I just saw Amanda Seyfried in "Letters to Juliet." Unlike Prince of Persia, I saw this ONE! This is not my normal type of movie that I go and see, and the overall result is : Not Bad. This shows Amanda Seyfried playing the fiancee of Gael Garcia Bernal. Yup, tis true. So the movie is set mainly in Italy, and Amanda helps an older lady reconnect with a love from her past. The movie had some really interesting moments, which did surprise me. It also had moments that felt tacky. This is how I describe the script: Imagine listening to an orchestra playing Mozart, and then, randomly the violinist drops the instrument and there is a deep thud. So by that the movie goes really well, but then all of a sudden there is a moment that just makes you kind of twitch and think "Ick." I mean, it was fun to see, and that's why I say it was not bad. I rarely use the star system, but I will give this movie "3 out of 5 Stars." I wish I had little star icon...

Tom Petty tickets are REALLY cheap. I was just about to buy them for my dad when I realized my dad can't handle concerts anymore, but they only came to like, 30 dollars, fees included. so, if you're a fan, I'm pretty sure he's touring everywhere in this country this summer. Like Fleetwood Mac and the Cars, Tom Petty's music was something I was raised on. here's that video with a young Johnny Depp and oh look it's China Phillips: the only thing is I don't think he's put out any good music since the 90s. it is sad to see rock stars grow old. what say you, reader? I would only go see Leonard Cohen or Fleetwood Mac these days. or maybe Joni Mitchell. I would not see Gordon Lightfoot. also, my sister showed me a picture of this random old man when I was 3 and was like "LOOK BRITTANY IT'S TOM PETTY" and I was scared of him until middle school, when I realized he was not quite that haggard.

Prince of Persia is now in theatres. 1st Note: Forget Jake Gyllenhaal. 2nd: Gemma Arterton (seen above) totally rules. 3rd: Will I see this? Doubtful!!! But if you want to go, give some props to Gemma Arterton. She has done some very talented acting work in her career, but it doesn't seem like Prince of Persia will showcase her talent. The same really goes for Jake Gyllenhaal, I mean he has done some good films in the past, but I don't care because I don't find him hot!! After watching the trailers for POP, it seems like this movie will have some decent action scenes with lots of corny lines. I'm sure if anyone is a fan of the game, it is worth seeing. If you're not a fan of the vid game, it may disappoint you. Probably has lots of flash and lots of cheese when any of the characters talk. Source: Foresight and superficial assumption. QATFYG: Have you seen Prince of Persia yet? Do you like Jake Gyllenhaal? Do you like Gemma Arterton? What is your favorite video game-...

Josh Ritter is such a gifted lyricist, which is why I'm such a fan. seriously- the first time I heard like "Kathleen"- "all the other girls here are stars, you are the northern lights"- I was hooked. He just released a new album that I'm sure you've heard if you have made the mistake of meandering into Starbucks lately, So Runs the World Away . This guy started playing guitar after buying one at K-Mart, inspired by Townes Van Zandt and Gillian Welch. This guy is like- seriously, the closest thing we have to a Bob Dylan these days. And I say that as a hardcore Ryan Adams fan. So, so good. "The Curse" is absolutely a gorgeous song. I only had to hear it once and swoon! I was done. and what's it about? a mummy falling in love with an archaeologist. see here: swoon so put away your Jack Johnson and seriously listen to Josh Ritter. this guy is nearly a legend now.

Did I mention last time I’m reading the hardcover edition of the newer Lydia Davis translation? Scott Moncrieff was probably admirable for literally dying from serving as the original to-English translator, but I’m just not into him that much. So. We’re in Combray at his Great Aunt Leonie’s house, which is where the family is living. It’s not entirely clear if she’s a self-imposed invalid or a shut-in by choice, but she’s been withdrawing further and further since the death of her husband and now no longer so-little-as comes out of her room, instead always keeping to her “uncertain state of grief, physical disability, illness, obsession, and piety” while Francoise, the housekeeper, is becoming so, so sick of putting up with her continuous fuss. Thankfully for Leonie, she still has Eulalie, a retired maid who stops in and doesn’t do much other than enable Leonie’s self pity: she requires her visitors “commend her on her regimen, commiserate with her for her sufferings, and encourage he...

So I think it's official, There will be an iCarly season 4!! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YES!!

Why? Because it's my birthday, and I can do what I want!!!!!

PARENTS DON'T LET YOUR KIDS GROW UP TO BE CHILD STARS

an Euro-centric music for a Monday: "Song For No One"- Miike Snow (Swedes! this band was pretty big last year and I just did not care. but this? this is a good song. "Heatwave"- Alphabeat I find it's hard to stay in a bad mood while listening to Alphabeat. so- energetic! so happy! Lady Gaga loves these Danes! so should you! "Airplanes"- Local Natives I've heard these guys described as a lesser Fleet Foxes. not necessarily true! they're good! "Love Is All"- The Tallest Man on Earth this is the Swedish Bob Dylan, right here. "The Next Time Around"- Little Joy Fabrizio from the Strokes' new band!!!!! I'm not sure what to think of most of their stuff, but this is not bad at all. "Things Will Never Be the Same Again"- Jj more Swedish goodness!!!! so enjoy your Monday or try to. also, RIP Brittany Murphy's husband. p.s.:

So I could rant about LOST some more, but I've ranted and raved enough :) In other news, Law and Order is finally ending, after 20 seasons. Goodbye everyone.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/7751612/Dora-the-Explorer-used-in-anti-immigration-campaign.html I saw this image in the newspaper a few days ago, which left a look like this :/ on my face. there was this REALLY strong editorial about illegal immigration and how President Obama has managed to deport more illegals than Bush so far (!!!) and how also we seem to be using illegal immigrants as a clutch for our economic problems. the scapegoat, so to speak (goat! I just watched Drag Me To Hell again last night! not a profane goat!). I think that yes getting into this country illegally is wrong, but there's a lot of reasons people have to do this and some people go through absolute hell to get here. what do I think about the fence in Arizona? no good no good no good. I see both sides of this debate clearly- but like, in the case of said editorial, there was a girl who was a top student at a top university who came to this country as a small child, was a member ...

First of all, no use and trying to hide it: I really want to see MACGRUBER. why? SNL films suck as a rule, don't they? yeah sure! this is true! but Will Forte has won my heart and is probably the only male cast member left I can stomach. him and Kristin Wiig (also in this film!) are actually my favorites of those left remaining. sigh. Tim Cal-houn. Ryan Phillipe and Val Kilmer also randomly show up in this. Val is not looking good these days. do you think this movie is going to suck? and lastly, listen to the Drums. Their song "It Will All End In Tears" is a free download on their website. kind of like a catchier Surfer Blood? anyway, just because the Moz likes them, shouldn't discourage you!

all of these bands are coming to the region within the next few months: SLEIGH BELLS LADY GAGA BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE THE NATIONAL RUFUS WAINWRIGHT JUSTIN BIEBER (AHAHAHA) NEON INDIAN SHE & HIM THE FLAMING LIPS INTERPOL THE SWELL SEASON TITUS ANDRONICUS SURFER BLOOD THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART *explode*

He never says it, which is odd because he says nearly everything else, but the young Proust certainly had a thing for the young Rimbaud. The Rimbaud moody teenagers scribble in the backs of year books. The “Ophelia” Rimbaud. Beginning Swann’s Way with falling asleep while recounting his habit of using a pillow as a precautionary device before returning to dreams, we assume the young Rimbaud would have become annoyed by now, page 12, sending the young Proust into a several day lament spent in his “inviolable solitude” reserved for such occasions as “reading, reverie, tears, and sensuous pleasure” and oh my god. The first 50 pages centre around such solitude; mainly the “tears” part. His mother is downstairs with the others— Swann has arrived— and he has been sent to his room for bed without receiving his goodnight kiss from her, but, once the gathering has concluded, he lunges himself at her stair-climbing silhouette. He’s hysterical and his father insists she spend the night consolin...

Matthew Fox! Matthew Fox! Matthew Fox! So it's that time again, It's the time when I rant and rave about LOST, possibly the most exciting and compelling show currently on TV. I will note I am making that statement before watching the Spanish version of Desperate Housewives, that somebody from Louisiana needs to send me. (I'm not sure if it's real.) But back to the more pressing matters. Matthew Fox is one of the stars of LOST, playing Dr. Jack Shepherd, the man with leadership characteristics and a "God" Complex. For this reason, in my house he is frequently referred to as BIG Matthew Fox!! LOST has been on an incredible run, but Matthew Fox almost didn't score the role of the Doc. Michael Keaton was in talks for the role, but turned it down once he learned how long term it would be. Mattie has also worked on "Party of Five," but that was ages ago. It's all about LOST now. QATFYG: Will you watch the Lost finale, this Sunday (May 23rd) at 7 P...

I swear this man - Mr. Elias Koteas - has been in more movies than ANYONE ELSE I HAVE EVER KNOWN. he turns up in everything! everything! Yesterday I saw Shutter Island (which wasn't amazing but not terrible) and guess who shows up in this film. ELIAS KOTEAS- who, here, look at his imdb list and gawk: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000480/ He was the blind clockmaker in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button . He also turned up in Milla Jovovich's The Fourth Kind , not sure as what though. And he was in the awful, forgettable The Haunting In the State that Keeps J. Crew Afloat , although his character was interesting. I think every other film I see from this point forward will showcase Mr. Bald Canadian as a coffee table, old woman or warlock. What can't he do! really! This is, though, not to sidestep what is arguably his best, most notable role to date: Casey Jones (YES) in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles . Jones, as you remember (or suppressed until just now) was the badass human ...

I had this problem earlier. What it's been lately is the surge of child violence. I don't know why- actually I do! I'm a moral sponge- but this has been getting to me soooo much. how other people able to brush off the mass stabbings of children in China or, say, a boy nearly killing a girl over a text message, etc., is beyond my comprehension like- the fact that I have become almost immune to news of suicide bombings in Iraq or Pakistan bothers me, but it's these things about children (a couple threw a four year old boy into a shallow grave; a man raped and murdered two girls and was sentenced for it last week, they showed the tearful remarks of the parents to him at the sentencing on CNN) that get under my skin. So again I think I have reached my breaking point with the news, as avid the CNN junkie I am. This story, though. Jesus Christ. http://www.clantonadvertiser.com/news/2010/may/13/many-factors-contributed-girls-death/ this story broke my heart. I am taking a news...

Why does this keep happening! This time, she was at least honest and said “I don’t do that” at the very beginning of the appointment, so I was spared having to spend the hour waiting to see if my hair was going to be turned into awkward formlessness once again because getting such an answer to “Do you have any ideas or suggestions?” basically took care of that. Its times like these, the mornings after, when I search inside to find my inner Davey Havok. Not Skateboard Davey or Glenn Danzig Davey, but all of the Davies since then. The Davies we’ve loved. When you were growing up and were getting old enough for your parents to start leaving you home alone, did you find ways to revel in this new freedom? How many times did you wrap a yellow towel around your head and make high heels out of soda cans to become a beautiful lady? Every time? Yes, yes you did. Although, like myself, you’re not in fourth grade anymore and have outgrown this, which is why, after salon-working women have again st...

- to be at a bar/nightclub - dressed as a nun - on top of a jukebox - holding two forties - blasting "4 MINUTES" by MADONNA this was inspired by Facebook. you're more than welcome to join me. make your plans now! p.s. what are your plans? p.p.s. today is the best Jackson's birthday! p.p.p.s OBVIOUSLY I MEAN LATOYA

HERE IS MY MIX FOR IT...I got lazy this year. I didn't upload shit. but if you want a song, leave me a holla. I will give you the hook-up. "USA BOYS"- HEALTH someone described this as if Crystal Castles and Animal Collective had a child. that's about right! "Go It Alone"- Beck stealing this from Rebecca- it's just a great, chill track. and it's Beck! you can't go wrong! "I Saw Her Standing There"- The Beatles is it weird that it's taken me so long to develop a proper appreciation for this band? nonetheless, I'm a bigger fan of their earlier stuff. I blame Ursula. "My Hands Are Shaking"- Sondre Lerche just adorable. period. (this video is so lame btw) "Don't Go"- Nouvelle Vague pining. they make me want to live in the Mediterranean. somehow, NV always makes it onto my mixes. it's a sign of my devotion.... "SUMMERBOY"- LADY GAGA oh my god. yes. look at the title. look. there you go. "Tang...

- There would be a concert series at Erie's bayfront in which they brought in small up-and-coming bands, not neccessarily indie but all different genres. like, for example, and this might be a bit of a stretch now, I THINK WE COULD BRING IN LAURA MARLING IF WE REALLY TRIED. but we don't try. we settle. Erie has a cool vibe to it, sometimes- it'd be nice to capitalize on it! I am sick of going to the Block Party and Eight Great Tuesday line-ups and seeing a bunch of ... well, you know. low expectations are key I guess. - There would be also concerts at Jerry Uht. why the F not! - someone would put a Japanese steakhouse on the bayfront and get rid of that awful place at the mall. - THERE WOULD BE CYBER CAFES AT THE MALL WHY THE F NOT! - public transit would go until midnight! - THE POST OFFICE DOWNTOWN WOULDN'T BE CLOSING :( - also, the Maxim hot 100 would only include Marion Cotillard, Emily Haines, Gwen and Betty White. oh and J-Lewis. /rant

SONG OF THE WEEK RIGHT HERE now I know typically her videos suck, but DAYUM. just revel in that for a while. enjoy. happy Saturday.

I am a notorious critic (useless!) of other people's writing- as my peers in advanced poetry can attest to (a poem that is remiscent of Crazytown's "Butterfly" just comes waltzing into mind). That being said, I am going to fullheartedly recommend to you a blog by a friend of mine: ursismusings.blogspot.com She's an amazing writer- a bit different then what you read here, yes. but this girl will be hosting Good Morning America someday. READ IT!!!!

here is something that is weird and certainly doesn't happen every day: Hungarian (!!!) indie band the Moog will be playing Erie TOMORROW night at the new place on State Street, the Crooked I, which seems like a very interesting place to me. I investigated on their Myspace and they appear to be rather big fans of the Smiths. but then again so is AFI. anyway, tickets are 3 dollars and the show begins at 8 and I would like to investigate them, because they're pretty catchy and the lead singer's voice is not bad. here you go: I personally prefer this song: I'm just astonished there's a Hungarian music scene. ignorant of me, I know. the Dandy Warhols came up in related...another good sign?

I remember sixth grade very well. it was a harsh, dark and mean place. if you did ANYTHING out of the ordinary they shunned you, or belittled you with it. seriously- I went through some of the shittiest things of my life that year. argh. so this brave little boy- and I am sure you've heard of this by now! if not GET WITH IT SRSLY - tackled "Paparazzi" for his school talent show. like- this kid could have had his ass kicked so hard for it and he went for it. thank god it worked in his favor! now he's appearing on the Ellen show and getting advice from Gaga herself. aw! my favorite thing about these video are these dumb girls in the background laughing and making faces. and it's like, this kid has more talent than any of you, so go eat worms or whatever sixth graders do. they probably eat cell phones these days....

This is an S/S that is purely for my own selfish reasons, Then again.....all of them ARE!! ;) I'm back on my FRINGE feelings Frenzy ! It goes to John Noble of "Fringe" who plays the crazy super genius, Walter Bishop. Walter Bishop is an amazingly likable character, and he also has a dark past as a mischievous father. But I am giving a nod to the "Fringe" cast, because I am skipping the show tomorrow night to watch "Grey's Anatomy" with Demi Lovato. I know I am giving up my television loyalties for the superficiality of ABC's polished glossy dramas. So Fringe and John Noble, I am not leaving you forever, but Demi is my kryptonite. (Now if only she could find a style for her bangs that would work. Oh snaps!) QATFYG: What would you do if your father was a crazy super genius?

the answer to this, NO WAY IT DOES NOT, this is what cinematic wet dreams are made from! and yes, YOU NEVER ESCAPE HIGH SCHOOL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SIGOURNEY WEAVER! it's just a shame we have to wait til September. the UC may be on hiatus then... p.s. there is also a "You Again" from the 1980s with John Stamos. dislike! dislike!

Today Barack Obama nominated Elena Kagan, former Harvard Law Professor/Law School Dean, to the Supreme Court. If she is approved she would be the youngest Supreme Court Justice, and this would also be the first time that there are 3 women on the bench. By this increase, soon it will be all women and no men ruling America's Judicial System. Meh? (I know I sound like I'm joking, but it wouldn't be so bad if that were true) In other news, the subject/inspiration of my two most recent unpublished novels, Mandy Jiroux, says.... I want to be in Texas right NOW.. 3 more days! Mandy is Miley Cyrus's BFF, and Dancer+Singer for the Beach Girl5. But "Why would anyone want to go to Texas?" Pros: Birthplace of Demi The BBQ Home state of Destiny's Child Dallas Mavericks San Antonio Spurs Eva Longoria when she's not being Francophied by Tony Parker Birthplace of Selena (G) The Alamo Tejano Music Norteno Music Almost Authentic Mexican Food Cons: Texans and their Hats!...

I still cannot get over how good it was. SNL is NEVER that good! and they brought some GREAT people back, omg. Amy Poehler sounded very weird though... I loved her hits at facebook and the tasteful jokes about her age. and "SHE'S A LESBIAN! LESBIAN!" ahahahaha plus when Jay-Z dedicated that song to her. ahhhh! check out this link for further details: http://www.newsopi.com/showbiz/betty-white-snl/1651/ did you not enjoy that???

Here is the shortlist: N.E.R.D's new track featuring NELLY FURTADO. ahhhh I miss her. Come on, I still know the lyrics to "Promiscuous." You don't have game like Steve Nash! "Hot and Fun"- if I danced, it would be to stuff like this. Pharrell is a little genius: Nelly Furtado is so gorgeous it hurts. oh my god. I don't know how I never noticed this before. Neon Indian says how I wish high school was: Metric Metric Metric. I am currently seeking a concert partner for Cleveland. I NEED TO SEE EMILY. I NEED TO BATHE IN HER SWEAT. THERE'S JUST NO WORDS OKAY I NEED TO BE THERE WHEN SHE DOES HER COCAINE. May 19th! I have two tickets! You'd have to pay for your ticket and give me a ride, but guess what! I know how to use my hands well! Bear In Heaven is opening! They are one of those "next big thing" bands! Slow Club is really juts too adorable it's sick: Cara, does that boy NOT look like Pete? The feel good hit of the summer: http://www.y...

The annual Erie celebration in August (HAHAHA) scored Dennis DeYoung of Styx (Mr. Roboto!) and the GIN BLOSSOMS omgzzz. I actually don't mind the Gin Blossoms. So I'd go see them. Even though it's not 1994 and flanne .. well, it made a comeback. Wait, didn't the lead singer die? O______O also, the new National:  amazing, but I didn't expect anything less. as is the new Ratatat. 

I haven't been posting much lately because I've been prepping for my LAST SET OF FINALS AS AN UNDERGRADUATE EVER and working on my thesis and probably meaningless shit like that, yeah. so my motivation has been drained. never fear! in the next week, you'll probably be sick of me. fair warning. I remember arriving at Edinboro as a freshman back in 2006 and immediately hating the place. hating, hating, hating. loathing doesn't seem strong enough. I even calculated the days until graduation- a 1000-something odd number I wrote down somewhere (which I obviously kept so safe). "Brittany, stop complaining," some dumb bitch I don't talk to anymore told me. "Enjoy it." Well (this is addressed to you, dumb bitch), I didn't enjoy it until the past year and a half. which in- I fell in with an amazing group of people, absolutely lovely (if not just as bitchy as I am, which is wonderful) who I will really, really miss. which perplexes me. because, in the ...

So Guess what? "Robin Hood" has been gaining a ton of press, and one of the best roles in Robin Hood is the Sheriff of Nottingham, In this version it's played by the champion of the s/s Matthew Macfayden. I wonder if he can top the bar set by Alan Rickman way back when. MAttie M had boss moments in "Death at a Funeral," and "Pride and Prejudice." But I wonder how the reception will be. QATFYG: Will you got see Robin Hood? PS: MM has such a good look for period pieces!

You may notice that I have a random nature about my posts, and I have posted about Jerry Springer recently, but there is a BIG reason for this. When I googled Top episodes of Jerry Springer, I could not find a list. So Congratulations, the Useless Critic hosts the first list of Top Jerry Springer Episodes on the Web (to my knowledge anyway. this is the same as winning a grammy!!) I’m happy I cut off my legs The story of a transvestite, who after many times of trying to get his legs infected to the point of amputation actually cut his/her legs off with a power saw. I’m a Breeder for the Klan The Klan episodes of Jerry Springer are possibly the best. This one shows the Klansmen and the fascists get their asses handed to them and they look BAD (bad as in stupid.) Mister Ooh La La (Not the real title, but the important part) Lousy women compete for the heart of a flamboyant Frenchman, who legally changed his name to Mr. Ooh la la. Tales of the Midget Klan A surprising tale of a group of ...

So I'm watching Celeb Jeopardy, (It might be a repeat.) And Jane Curtain answers to.... The business partner in A Christmas Carol that died 7 years prior to the story. Jane Curtain: Who is BOB MARLEY!! I give her an A for effort, but imagine the king of Reggae being the moral conscience of the Dickens' story. Scrooge and Bob would just get high and hallucinate the ghosts, MAN! QATFYG: Which singer would you want to haunt you on Christmas Eve?

The newspaper had to cut it, but you can enjoy it in all its splendor right now: Ke$ha, Animal (RCA) Oh, pop music! It’s hard to cough glitter, but you finally did it! Resident Ke$ha expert, Brittany Kemp, recently cited this Los Angeles kinda-diva’s rise as a stem from the world ostensibly falling apart around us, and this seems about right. There was another earthquake, there is a volcano, another teabag protest, everyone is dead: Ke$ha will make it better. And Ke$ha does make it better. She wants you to know how much she “just loves your ass, mmm.” She even reminds you, “when you write notes” on the chalkboard, how it “shake-shake-shakes (shake) shake-shakes” and sometimes such flattery is a nice thing to hear even if it’s from someone who’s visibly proud of having just thrown up in the closet, like she is when telling us about the rich dude’s house party she was at. “Oh my god!” she exclaims, “The sun’s coming up / And I think I’m still [fluffied] up,” but, even...

Now I do not care about horseracing, or horses in general, but LOL at the names (this is my favorite part!): 1 Lookin at Lucky 8-1 2 Icebox 18/1 3 Noble's Promise 17/1 4 Super Saver 8-1 5 Line of David 35/1 6 Stately Victor 35/1 7 American Lion 22/1 8 Deans Kitten 50/1 9 Make Music For Me 50/1 10 Paddy O'Prado 22/1 11 Devil May Care 12/1 12 Conveyance 16/1 13 Jackson Bend 16/1 14 Mission Impazible 25/1 15 Discreetly Mine 45/1 16 Awesome Act 13/1 17 Dublin 16/1 18 Backtalk 70/1 19 Homeboykris 60/1 20 Sidney's Candy 6-1 I think 14 is my favorite. WHAT SAY YOU, GENTLE READER? also Matthew gifted me the new LCD Soundsystem with a host of others. not sure what I think of it thus far. "Drunk Girls" is obnoxious but I do love "Dance Yrself Clean." Here's my favorite LCD Soundsystem song:

People who know me, know that I like Tay Zonday, and I posted a Rick Astley related shoutout in the past, so here is Tay Zonday singing Rick Astley's famous song "Never gonna give you up." It's not as good as the original but still fun. QATFYG: Would you be turned on if someone Tay Rolled you?